Defamation Lawsuits from Abusive Family of Origin

[Kia1212]

Hi - I was thinking today that the ultimate betrayal in my situation is for my abusive family suing me for defamation. I been severely scapegoated, psychologically abused for years. Last time I saw my 49 year old chiropractor brother he appeared to be really pissed at me, but didn't say anything. He is currently in a new relationship with his cardiologist girlfriend. He seemed annoyed that I was saying I am burnt out and never feel well. He is quite wealthy and so is my sister, they are both millionaires. My adult kids have lived my 30 years of abuse with my alcoholic, malignant narcissistic ex and my mother and family. They thought it was normal. I thought after divorcing my ex in 1999 they would stop, but did not. Ironically my extremely abusive ex initiated the gaslighting and my family ran with it, too good to resist I guess. I really didn't realize how bad it was until I found out about the complex PTSDd diagnosis. It explains a lot of what I experienced. Did not realize it causes physical distress along with the mental stress. It would be the ultimate betrayal if this happened.

[Papa Coco]

Kia,

I'm sorry to read that your family has become the "Flying monkeys" that are doing the damage they were tricked into by the narcissistic monster pulling their strings.

I had to go Full No Contact with my own family in 2010 because nothing I could do or say would get the entire family to stop listening to the constant barrage of ranting lies and accusations of the narcissist behind the curtain.

I know Full No Contact isn't right for everyone, but for me, the abuse was so severe I was starting to want to take my own life, so I was at the end of my rope, and full No Contact was the only option left for me. There was nothing I could do to make my FOO trust me. The words of the narcissist were too fun for my not-so-nice family to fall for, and so while I was still in contact with any of them, I just lived every moment of my entire life on the defensive. And when I'm on the defensive, I look crazy. We can't defend ourselves from the lies if everyone is choosing to believe them. The more we try to explain that we're not the monsters they say we are, the  more crazy we appear to be. So I changed my phone numbers, email addresses, and turned away permanently. It cost me my inheritance, and I had to deal with that. But in the end, life without those flying monkeys in it is a lot calmer and stable. Finding and growing some positive self-image is a lot easier to do now that I no longer have trusted family telling me (daily) I don't deserve love or respect from anyone.

And if your siblings are millionaires, that just doubles the problem. Money does horrible things to horrible people. It's another social belief that financial wealth makes you better than others, which in most cases, the opposite is more often true. Too many people who make more money than they need have fallen for the lie that they are "better than poorer people". It's a lie that bites them in the end, when they die alone and hated, but in the meantime makes us, the loving people, feel bad while they're still believing the lie that money makes them better than us.  They do a lot of damage to loving people even though they're the ones who are most messed up.

[dollyvee]

Hey Kia,

I'm sorry to read (if I read that right) that your FOO is suing you for defamation, or if this is something you fear it will come to?

Honestly, I've been there and am going through issues with FOO at the moment in regards to an unNPD family member's estate.  FOO is underhanded and of course, not doing things by the book. The law unfortunately, isn't on my side at the moment. The only thing I can do is provide evidence of what is going on. Document everything and make sure you get receipts of their behaviour. I don't know if recording phone calls are ok (?) otherwise get their behaviour in writing and do everything you can by the book, and even though it's difficult, I would take the emotional high road. It might not be fair etc, but it's also not an emotional reaction that they can use against you in future.

I've also had an issue with defamation and sexual harassment, and without evidence there's nothing you can do. That being said, they also need proof that I am trying to defame their character and not just trying to bully me into silence (which is what it turned out to be).

Apologies if this is advice. It's a really awful position to be in and I've been there a couple times.

Sending you support,
dolly

[Kizzie]

I'm sorry you have such an N family to deal with Kia, they can be very tricky to manage to be sure. Two thoughts I had when reading your post. The first is it might help if you saw a lawyer yourself to see what if there is anything you might do to protect yourself, perhaps even countersue for defamation, issue a restraining order or something legal to stop them from the smear campaign against you. It isn't fair or right and they should be held accountable or at least stopped.

The second is do you think your children might benefit from therapy, either family or one-to-one? It could be useful to them and help them and you to live a healthier life.