Paranoid thought (Trigger alert)

[Dutch Uncle]

So, I did a SCID-II screening, and I have no PD. Period.
I did score a few points at various PD indicators, but well below the threshold for a PD.

I'd like to talk about one of them, and if it has any relation to CPTSD.

In de BPD section I scored on "temporary, anxiety tied, paranoid ideas or severe dissociative experiences" (probably a lousy translation, but hey, I think you get the picture.)

The example (as mentioned in the report on my SCID-II):
My mom and sis (both uHPD) are in the 'therapy' business. Apparently this is not uncommon: the urge for self-help manifest itself in helping others. They have a great need in helping me. All sorts of things are wrong with me, at my core. But I digress.
So at a point in me coming out of the FOG, I had this notion that I was in a very uneven battle. They are therapists, and thus know every trick in the book. Good or bad. Yes, bad.
At some point I got this mental image of always fighting with them, defending myself "No! I'm not wrong, there is nothing wrong with me, let me BE!!!!!", to no avail. I felt like boxing with professional heavyweights (or any weight for that matter) while I was just an amateur. Off course I always lost! (my Sis actually trains girls self-defense against (sexual) assault)

Fast forward to a meeting with a dear friend, whom I know since I was 15. One of the guys with whom I entered puberty, adolescence and what have you not after that (I'm about 50).
He said at some point: "You know, Hysperger, you are in a boxing match with two professionals, and you simply cannot win." 

I was baffled. I didn't trust my own senses. I didn't trust him. Did HE just say that? Or was he simply copying what I had said earlier to him? (I don't recall telling ANYONE ever about me being the sparring partner being knocked into the hospital by the great Champ(s)) Was he just pleasing me? Was he just saying this to be finally of the hook by all my whining about Mom and Sis?
It was a horrible feeling, because I'm SO convinced that none of this is the case. (rationalizing afterwards: if any of this was true, why would he even still invite me over for diner with his wife, and cook the most gorgeous food? (He's a sort of Gordon Ramsey, including the foul language if he deems it appropriate. He spares no-one, when applicable. I love the guy).

But the paranoia was still there, and hard to kill.


Scenes like this are rare, but I have the feeling they should not be there AT ALL. Not on this level of mistrust at least.

Thoughts?

NB: I want to pursue some more of these SCID-II points. They are not PD's, but they are certainly a pain in the butt. I would like to have a bit more grip on these levers.

[Kizzie]

Does your friend know your M and S?  Have you considered asking him directly about why he said what he did about them?  This could help to undo/reduce some of the paranoia that you learned in your FOO. 

[Dutch Uncle]

Thanks for the ideas.

I was too baffled at the time to react properly  . My head spinned  .


(for completeness sake. He has met my mom, but ours was not a house where friends hang out (same for Sis' and Bro's friends) He has never met my sis. I was quite shocked by that revelation actually).