Good Afternoon OOTS

[YamamotoTsunenori]

Good afternoon all! I am a 48yo man with a full-time job who got separated last year from my wife of 28 years. At the time I believed that the reason for our separation was a long pattern of emotional abuse by my partner. I have since questioned and ultimately discarded that view, and now I view our relationship as fundamentally loving but with complex overlapping mood issues stemming from our respective experiences in childhood. My understanding of the good and bad of my marriage is still evolving. My relationship with my wife is currently harmonious but we continue to live separately and still plan to divorce. We have two children, one in college and one in high school, who spend equal time with each of us.

What I know for sure is that I am the child of two active, lifelong alcoholics, and that my childhood was characterized by extreme emotional neglect in the context of excellent physical care and comfort. I struggle to perform tasks of daily life, not particularly because of task avoidance, though it does sometimes appear that way, but because when I begin most tasks I tend to become overwhelmed by painful feelings and thoughts of self-harm, giving way to profound feelings of emptiness and worthlessness. I experience mood cycling between periods of high energy and relative productivity (not always USEFUL but active) and periods of low energy and depression/idleness. The high-energy periods tend to cause problems with my connections with others while the depressive periods are more painful/bothersome to me personally. 

I am currently working with a psychiatrist to determine if my experiences fit with the definition of Bipolar II and if I might benefit from treatments that can be useful for people who suffer from Bipolar II.

Glad to have this board to check out and a new community of people to seek insight from. Thanks for having me!

yt$

[Chart]

Welcome YamamotoTsunenori, I think you'll find a lot of information and support here. My mother suffered from severe emotional neglect, although she remains fundamentally unaware of this fact. She worships her parents, especially her father (now deceased) and has never considered that her difficulties might originate from childhood. This has always put her towards a self-centered egotistical/narcissistic behavior where her emotions were priority and everyone else was subjected to her emotional judgments. Very confusing and I spent years unraveling what I really feel and experienced. Participation in this forum has helped me immensely in going into deeper understanding of my developmental experiences.
Welcome!