Hello Everybody

[369TiffanynaffiT963]

  Hello! I'm so excited to discover this group!

I'm a member of the "my mother never wanted me & made sure I never forgot it" club. Physically, mentally , & emotionally abusive & neglectful. I wasn't believed about being childhood sa.

Abusive marraige 20 years. Finally got away but living with mother currently for 7 years. Her abuse picked up again after 2020 when my father passed away. Developed hashimotos. Have had 2 episodes of psychosis one in 2022 & one in 2024. Have a history of escapism via spiritual bypassing.

Trauma from being involuntarily committed & forced long acting haldol shot that made me fight for my life for all of 2023 as well as police brutality, and gang violence.

I'm in trauma therapy since 2023. I had blocked it all out. I try to practice mindfulness, respond vs react, reading books like from surviving to thriving, what my bones knew, others too, but the books can be pretty destabilizing. I work on changing my internal monologue to be compassionate to me. I'm trying to learn to reparent myself.

Thank you to anyone who reads this.

[Chart]

Welcome to the forum, 369TiffanynaffiT963... Love your pseudonym, it's the same forwards as backwards...
Very sorry to hear your story of abuse. But it sounds like you're on a solid healing path with books and therapy. I think you'll find lots of understanding and support here. Sending hugs if that's ok, Chart
 

[369TiffanynaffiT963]

Hello Chart! Nice to meet you. I'm Tiffany (and yea, I love palindromes for some reason, lol) I had already created my user name before I read that maybe not to use it, but I'm ok with it as long as it's not against the rules. Chat gpt said there's around 30k Tiffany's similar to me so I feel safe 😁

Thank you for responding to my introduction. I appreciate your condolences.  Feels nice to be welcomed. I appreciate the hug 🫂 😁.. I'm sending you one back. 🫂
I look forward to learning and growing with you all.

I'd love to learn more about you, whatever you want to share if that's appropriate here. Having cptsd makes me feel like an alien so I'm excited to get to know folks who may have a shot at understanding me & vice versa.

Have a great evening! Tiffany

[Skyward]

Hello 369TiffanynaffiT963 and welcome. It's funny (not funny) how we have learned to encapsulate our life experiences in such abreviated ways – and have other sufferers 'get it' straight away.

I very much identify with your comment about your mother's abuse escalating after your father's death. That's exactly what has happened to me. After the middle decades of my life climbing out of my early childhood traumas and raising my children with my husband, I have now found myself in the surreal situation of having my mother treat me like I was 10 again. And my childhood C-PTSD is being triggered – a lot!

I can't quite comprehend just how malevolent she has become with her cunning manipulations and passive-aggressive attacks. When I'm at the receiving end I feel frozen and fearful. I keep telling myself I'm a grown woman – and mother and grandmother for crying out loud!

At this very moment I am putting off responding to a call she made this morning where she left a voice message. I feel incredibly triggered now by her speaking to me, so I get my husband to listen and tell me what she has said. There is hostile subtext behind everything she says. My aim is to text her back – not call. She knows she can use subtle changes in tone to abuse me.

Anyhow, I really hope we can both enjoy the safety and support of this forum to gain strength to continue to endure! x