Being valued

[InTheQuiet]

Hi all

Long time, no post. Sending love.

I've had a health scare that has re-emphasised a relationship dynamic that I'm struggling to integrate. I'm seeing it reflected in all parts of my life, but I'm currently overwhelmed about how pervasive it is and where I start with healing it better.

The dynamic of my childhood was that I was 'good with her Dad" (him - uBPD). My mum and my brother were more of a codependent unit, and I was always assumed competent and ok. She's quite a vulnerable human. I don't parent her, but being a sledgehammer in how I approach things with her would have no value.

I've recently had quite a serious health scare. I shared it with her and she text a couple of days later (whilst she knew I was managing bleeding & travel for work) to tell me about my brother's mental health. I just gently closed it down.

This is obviously painful. However, I'm looking in the mirror of  my professional relationships in particular, and realising how depleting they are.  I'm an excellent facilitator (🙄) of people, but when I need support to get things off the ground, it's nowhere to be seen. I'm really interested in community building, but that doesn't seem to be the reality of my experience - unless I'm helping others to make it.

I'm also working class, and I feel that compounds the care and attention I don't get in quite a middle class sector.

I don't know how to shift these dynamics so I am in more reciprocal peer relationships at work. I'm playing something out here...

I can see that it sounds ridiculous to think of work when the absence of care was so ingrained early on. The core wound is clearly replicating still, but I don't know how to shift it or stop ending up here.

I have some good close friends & a partner who tries hard. It's at work where my choices are unwittingly causing me harm. Any thoughts?

Thanks so much.