I'm Angry

[GettingThere]

I am so incredibly angry that so many people did so many despicable things to my body for so many years. It started when I was at most 3, and the last time it happened I was 30. In my entire life, there was only one person who ever touched me who saw me as a full human being and had genuinely positive feelings toward me. And it was men AND women. As a kid and as an adult, it was men AND women. We need to talk about how anyone can do this of any gender. I've spent a lifetime being sad and I'm ready to be angry.

[Mathilde]

I'm so sorry for all they did to you. For how they did not respect your body. And did not treat you as a human being. It doesn't matter if they were men or women, both can do sexual harm indeed. They did you wrong. This should not have happened. I wish I could undo this for you. You have a right to feel anger. I am angry for you. You as a person are valuable, and so is your body. It is yours. Never theirs.

[GettingThere]

Thank you so much Maria, it means a lot <3

[Mathilde]

Welcome. I hope you can work through the anger...and find bits of healing.

[Kizzie]

I'm so sorry for what you went through but I do think you're quite literally "getting there"; that is, being angry and knowing YOU are worth fighting for is recovery underway.

Bravo      and keep on fighting for you. 

[Papa Coco]

GettingThere,

I can really feel the frustration in your post. I'm sorry all this happened to you all those years.

Having been abused by men and women also, I am not unfamiliar with the anger and confusion that it causes. Friends, strangers, young, old, it seemed that for a long time I was fair game to all sorts of the boundary-tromping behaviors of others.

It's good to read that you're tired of being sad and ready to be angry. That's a great line. Anger is where we put power to our sadness so we can rise up from it. Sadness feels powerless. Anger is where our power begins to help us heal.

My therapist calls that "good anger" when it gives me the strength and courage to start correcting what I've been letting bother me for too long.

[GettingThere]

Thank you so much Maria, Kizzie, and Papa Coco. It helps to know I'm not alone in what I've survived, but it's always so sad to hear that others have been harmed in similar ways. Tonight I spent two hours on the phone with two different help lines for this kind of abuse, and I finally said the word out loud for the kind of criminal my mother is. I called her that by name and it felt surreal. It's been so much easier to tell help lines that my father is one. But today was the first day that I ever called my mother what she is for what she did to my brother and me. I don't know how to feel, I don't know what to think. The truth is inconceivable. I needed to take a sick day from work tomorrow.