Strange Attachment to One of My Professors

[BlueMoon_]

Please let me know if this post isn't appropriate for this forum. I don't know what exactly I hope to get out of posting this, but I kind of need to get it off my chest and maybe see if anyone else can wrap their head around or explain my feelings.

I am entering my last year of post-secondary education next year. What makes me sad about this is not just missing classmates I have known for a while, but also that I won't be able to see this one professor again.

For some confusing reason I have developed an attachment to him, even though I don't know him that well and was too shy to speak up in his class most times. From his lectures I have learned that we do have some things in common, like taste in movies, but mostly I don't know that much about him. However, I get this feeling sometimes like I really want to know more about him, which drives me crazy, since there really is no way to, and that thought isn't appropriate.

 At first I thought it was a crush, but I have been realizing that it is something different - what, I don't know. I had his class two years ago, and he doesn't teach any other years, so I am sad that I will most likely never see him again or hear his voice again. Strangely however, I am also too scared to try to talk to him or see him in any way. The thing is, when I had his class I was so nervous in it because I was scared to be around him in case I embarrassed myself.

At times I even disliked him or thought he disliked me, since he gave me feedback I thought was too critical once. I don't even know if I completely like him since his work isn't my vibe per say. But I liked it when he gave me good feedback on my work.

Overall, I don't know why I developed this attachment, and I'm worried it might mess with things since this professor has an important advisor role in my program, and if I have to get some kind of help from him I might be too shy to talk to him. I don't have strong feelings that often and for many people, and strangely right now I am not as excited about anyone else as I am him, which I know is insane and makes me feel like a creep, and I wish I wasn't.

[WabiSabi]

Hey BlueMoon_ 

Can you break down for yourself when this started, and how it developed?

I think it's natural, especially if you're bored, and being forced to spend time in one space to try and find something "interesting" to focus on. Do you feel it might have started this way?

It's alright to appreciate and admire a teacher, and it's okay to be shy around that person. Lots of people are nervous around teachers, it certainly doesn't make you a 'creep'.

Sometimes we meet people who we vibe out as someone who would make a good friend, but for whatever reason it's just not appropriate. Could that be it? If that's the case it's only natural you'd want to gravitate toward them.

[dollyvee]

Hey Blue Moon,

Limerance can be a way to deal with feelings one may have had in relation to childhood trauma. For example, a lot of the times the person is an ideal figure, and it's not about they themselves, but the feelings that it evokes in us if that makes sense. Heidi Priebe and Patrick Teahan have some good videos dealing with this. I especially liked Patrick Teahan's.

Sending you support,
dolly