Can’t sleep 😭-trigger warning, mention of SA

laurrrr · March 19, 2025, 01:36:36 PM

Hi,
I have a lot of trauma surrounding sleep. My father would SA me at night, and my ex would also drug me and SA me once I was passed out.

Now, when I try to sleep, I immediately launch into fight or flight and either stay up all night or have constant disruptions to my sleep. I talk, yell, and walk in my sleep, and it just is never restful. My flashbacks get worse the second I close my eyes, and it's just a constant panic attack

I've tried melatonin but it triggers the trauma of being drugged by my ex, so it ends up being worse

Has anyone had success with anything like this? I have tried everything I can think of and my therapist has recommended aside from medication, which I'm thinking may be the next step

Kizzie · March 20, 2025, 04:18:47 PM

I am so sorry for what you went through Laurrr and are struggling with now. Sleep is essential to our health and well being and that was taken away from you. Perhaps you could speak with your physician and see about medication? Given the circumstances it may be the only route right now to getting some sleep.

Armee · March 21, 2025, 03:39:26 AM

Medication is probably the best if you can tolerate it and not be triggered around feeling drugged.

I'm sorry for everything you went through. Not getting enough sleep makes healing a lot harder and longer.

A couple suggestions that won't heal it all, but worth trying when you have trouble falling asleep...can you try a yoga nidra video to listen to? Those tend to help me get sleepy and relaxed. It won't help you stay asleep but maybe it will help you fall asleep and give your mind something else to focus on.

The other thing I had to do for awhile...about 5 yrs...was force myself to stay up super late like 1 or 2 am because then I could fall asleep and stay asleep till morning time. That was better than falling asleep at 11 and then waking 1-5 then falling asleep finally only to have the alarm go off at 630.

Eventually...resting and de-stressing what I could, healing, processing, I got so I could sleep again. Now I sleep 6 or 7 hrs a night and it makes a big difference. I was doing a lot of reenactments at night too and once I caught on that I was doing that I was able to talk myself into not doing that anymore...telling myself I'm safe it's not happening anymore. Nothing is the one best trick but eventually it'll come together for you.

laurrrr · March 21, 2025, 06:26:21 PM

Thank you Kizzie and Armee! I think I'll reach out to the psychiatrist this week. I really like those suggestions, I think it's going to be a long journey to be able to sleep well, but I'm finally in a safe space to be able to work on it

Kizzie · March 22, 2025, 03:27:47 PM

Hope they are able to help Laurrr

DDD · March 22, 2025, 09:58:25 PM

Hey Laurrrr I am sorry for what happened to you. I have struggled with restlessness during nights my entire life. My anti depressants help somewhat to keep my nervous system at ease. The other thing that really helps me is physical contact to a small body.
I understand how this could actually trigger you and make it worse.
For me it works. The body of an adult is too much but when my children snuggle up to me I can relax. A cat or small dog can work too.

laurrrr · March 24, 2025, 03:16:14 AM

Hey DDD! Thank you, yes I usually have a cat (or two) laying on or with me, and I find that calming! I felt silly but I got a weighted stuffed animal that I hold at night and was comforted by it as well!

Kizzie · March 24, 2025, 03:52:49 PM

Well since we're being open about stuffed animals

(I can't have pets because I am really allergic.) I love red pandas so my H bought me a stuffed one one and I cuddle him at night.

Armee · March 24, 2025, 05:03:22 PM

Me too. Giant stuffed pineapple 🍍

Kizzie · March 26, 2025, 03:35:20 PM

OMG a pineapple?! That is too funny Armee

Armee · March 26, 2025, 04:24:45 PM

He has big fuzzy fronds that I can rub like a security blanket and he's big and squishy

laurrrr · March 26, 2025, 04:32:10 PM

I love that!! Mine is a giraffe

DDD · March 27, 2025, 10:24:31 AM

Quote from: laurrrr on March 24, 2025, 03:16:14 AMHey DDD! Thank you, yes I usually have a cat (or two) laying on or with me, and I find that calming! I felt silly but I got a weighted stuffed animal that I hold at night and was comforted by it as well!

There's zero shame in having stuffed animals as an adult. There are people who need to suck their thumb to stay calm. I slept with the lights on until I was 14. I still do sometimes when I sleep alone and get disoriented from waking up regularly. If it helps, it's not silly. <3