Hello There

[Beanstalk]

I've tried to type this out a few times but am having a hard time with it. My name is Bean, I'm 50 years old and was raised with the mentality that men don't show their feelings. This was reinforced even more when I joined the military at 17. I was abused almost my entire childhood and teens. Pretty much until I left home. I couldn't and still can't remember majority or my childhood except a few things. I suffer from nightmares, low self worth, dissociation and I'm tired all the time. I have been seeing a psychologist for about 3 years now.

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum, Bean

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to the forum Bean! 

My H, F and B were all reg force so I do know how "manly" you're supposed to be. I don't know if it's still that way (all retired now), but one would hope that with how prevalent PTSD and CPTSD are things would be changing. I know police and firefighters, at least in some districts, do debrief sessions when they've been in a particularly difficult situation so fingers crossed there is a growing understanding of the price paid to stuff feelings.

In any event, you don't have to stuff any feelings here. We all get that that's what makes us   anxious, trigger, have difficulty sleeping, be tired all the time, etc. 

[NarcKiddo]

Hello, Bean. You're free to share your feelings here.