Hypervigilance and getting triggered by everything

[geckoskittlezx7900338]

Especially when im out in public I just feel extremely on edge, and overstimulated. rumination is rampant

"im oversharing, im acting so impulsively, so brutishly, so brashly, my voice is too loud, Im a waste of space"
"did you say that about me? How dare you do something to shatter my ego!"
"am I a mistyped enneagram two in denial? Like everything i do is out of a fear of rejection? All of my likes and dislikes are out of a very dumb very impulsive TODDLERs idea of "pretty" "hot" "cool"? * * i look so ridiculous"

not to mention everything about it as a whole is embarrassing.
hyper-aware of my surroundings is embarrassing, i long to be more entranced
easily triggered is embarrassing, i long to be unfazed and detached

How tf am i supposed to do what i enjoy (get the metro to the seaside because its sunny, in spite of the overstimultaion I have to endure like an hour long journey home loads of crowds)
I cant decide where to go what to do what to buy too many options
I want a gaming console so badly, i hate nintendo 64 and my NES wont work
Feeling like a complete noob by not being able to fix consoles myself, so ashamed
i cant decide if i should get a ps1 or a SNES, the former is more easier to find but i prefer the latter because its 2D
* I AM COMMITTING THE SIN OF PRIDE BY OVERSHARING, AN ACTUAL E4 (OR 4 FIXER OR JUST WITHDRAWN IN GENERAL) WOULD HIDE THEMSELVES COMPLETELY OUT OF SHAME

i daydream about myself constantly, different perspectives, it's like "My life is a movie" main character syndrome

[Kizzie]

So I am not a fan of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but I did do an online course for many of the same reasons you talk about, self-consciousness, socially anxious, triggered/overwhelmed when out in public, etc.  I signed up for a course for social anxiety quite a few years back, it's was about $150 as I recall (there may be free courses available now), and it really helped me to question/challenge the thoughts I was having. I finally understood that not everyone was looking at me and judging me as I thought, they were busy going about their lives. I personally even came to see that this kind of thinking was somewhat narcissistic (in a humorous way), that everything was not about me.

We were made to feel uncomfortable in this world and in our own skin and that is absolute baloney.  We belong and we are of value no matter what those who hurt us taught us and/or what we came to think about ourselves as a way of surviving the abuse/neglect we suffered.

So my suggestion is to maybe try a course or a book and see if you can help calm that inner voice that makes life so difficult. It really helped me and I hope it will help you.     

[Cascade]

  and especially:

We belong and we are of value

My first therapist used CBT.  She, too, reassured me that people are too concerned about themselves to notice much about other people in public.  The only way this fit for me was to link it to my negative belief about low self-worth.  Like, why would anyone even concern themselves with ME?  It's one of those things I sometimes have to "fake it till I make it," or just keep telling myself they don't care as much I imagine they do... until I gain full confidence not to care about other people's thoughts!

That's been my experience when these fears arise.  It does help me get out of the house and is one of the things I have to do when getting psyched up to leave.
  -Cascade