Hi, its Indigo child again.
Every time i think of posting a new topic, I wonder if i have posted too many topics on here, and weather that is annoying to others. I wonder if people just think that my questions are stupid..or pointless...and i wonder if I should only post if it is a really important burning question i have to ask.
Im not sure if this is normal and its paranoia setting in, but i hope my messages are ok.

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Birthdays...Does anybody else hate their birthday?
I find my birthdays depressing, because I feel so embarrassed at the idea of having a party, or asking people if they would like to celebrate my birthday with me (no matter what I'm doing to celebrate).
I don't like any sort of attention on me and just want to crawl into a whole and die.
I feel so undeserving of positive birthday attention, and worry that people would not really want to be there celebrating with me but they just do it as they might feel bad if they didnt.
I feel guilty being given gifts.
For as long as i remember, i havent celebrated my birthday, and i have never celebrated it the way most of the people i know have, with huge parties and all their family around.
Going to anything like that of other peoples majorly triggers me.
During my boyfriends birthday, I knew i would feel bad (didnt know if it was called bing triggered (before i found out about ptsd) so i drank all day to get through it and at another friends birthday, i felt tears brimming behind my eyes and i had such intense anger all day, and his parents were so supportive and they even played the album he had made to everyone.
My parents have never been so supportive.
I know my mum is very ashamed that she brought me into this world with a visual impairment, and perhaps this is partly why.
I just feel so sad.
Can anyone relate?