Make you hate me

[Blue_Jays]

I wrote this poem a few weeks ago after being triggered by a family friend. They received a text from my mother (whom I have been no-contact with for nearly 1.5 years), and they felt like it was funny to share it with me. The text read "don't let them make you hate me".


Make you hate me


You are detested by your own hand.
While I heal and move beyond those words,
they trap you.

You think about me all the time- whether you would admit it or not.
My name runs in your head,
leaves your mouth continually,
Until your mouth is dry.
Perhaps a drink, to soothe you?
repress memories of what you inflicted.
You are the victim, after all.
Your reality must align with the narrative.
Protect the narrative!

You wonder "what did I do to deserve this? I am a good mom!"
While I see the truth, as I always have.
The sickness living in you, the life you created,
shattered as quickly as it was built.

I think about you,
occasionally.
In pity, in hatred, and compassion.
But the war you remember, ended in 2011.
My fight died that year,
turning into exhaustion.
Yet you continue to rage on,
delusional.

Unaware that the battle you will ultimately lose,
is the one against yourself.
You will fall deeper,
while those you are worried hate you because of me,
are not thinking about you at all.
And neither am I.

[Kizzie]

Yes, N's love a good smear campaign and until/unless the people they're contacting in their offensive see them for what they are (and more do than I thought), you can come out looking like a selfish, self-centred person.

You've definitely got the right idea though and that is most people have their own thoughts about the N(s) in our lives. And as you say in your poem they are likely not even thinking that much if at all about the N. I wish I'd known that when I was younger as I was so scared of the smear campaigns. It never occurred to me that I as a person would stand in good testament to my character.