Do you laugh out loud often?

[keepfighting]

Last night, someone said something so absurd that I spontaneously laughed - loud and free.

It was a nice sensation, I felt light and carefree and sunny inside.

As I savoured the feeling, I also noticed that it's something I hardly ever do: Spontaneous, carefree laughing out loud. Usually, I'm too tense to do that and though I can appreciate jokes or comical situation and have a good laugh, the 'carefree' part of the feeling is often missing - and that's the best part! Having experienced it yesterday, I want more of it - it's a great feeling! (Getting greedy here... )

My default thinking still seems to be: "Careful if something feels good - you never know what danger lurks behind it" and I seldom let my guard down enough to just enjoy the moment to the full. Can anybody relate? How often do you feel carefree enough to just laugh out loud?

[Dutch Uncle]

though I can appreciate jokes or comical situation and have a good laugh, the 'carefree' part of the feeling is often missing

Well put!

I laugh a lot.
But the truly carefree part is a rarity.
I'd call those instances "Bliss".

[Widdiful Falling]

Good to hear you had a nice laugh! May you have many more. 

I don't laugh aloud very often, or when I do, it's very subdued and controlled. My M used to say I had a cute little giggle when I was a small child, but it changed, and I've been self-conscious about the way I laugh ever since. Of course, I'm self-conscious about everything, down to the way I breathe when I'm around people. 

[Indigochild]

Hi Widdiful Falling

May trigger.....

I am not surprised to hear that its something you hardly ever do.
I know that with certain types of parents, they want perfection, and install into you perfectionistic values.
In my home, we were not allowed to laugh outrageously or in a carefree way. we are too messy, too loud, oh stop it your being too silly now.
My mother was very stifling, with me and my sister. I can see it in my sister.
She was always more herself with my dad.

I do laugh out loud, but not in public much. If i do, I either feel ok at that time, or i do it out of...?...defiance. Sometimes laughing that is forced is better than showing others that I'm not too happy that day / moment. Its better than silence.

I am glad you were able to laugh out loud. I hope you can do more of this as time goes on.

And yes, i completely understand about being cautious or nervy about something being good.
I have this too when something is going well. I feel like something is going to come alone and ruin it- just take it away from me. Especially if i have any moments of feeling proud of something i have done...or if i feel a spec of goodness for myself which is rare.

[woodsgnome]

I've had an interesting ride with humor. Some have noted I can have an almost absurd funny bone. I've used it a lot, but once I really needed it, and I'm convinced it helped me survive (if not thrive) and/or save my life when I was young.

Indeed, as an adult many have enjoyed my humorous takes on things; what they usually miss is the pain from which it springs, so while they're chuckling I'm really wincing inside. I wholeheartedly agree with some who do sense something, and surmise that I'm hiding behind it. Oh, for sure. That half-truth doesn't change anything, but I know it helped smooth my tortuous path, somehow/sometimes. I'd rather be able to find a light touch, even within heavy emotional seas.

As a lonely, depressed kid, I still somehow found that in the midst of all the madness around me I had some inner light--or shall we say perhaps I was prone to fantasize, and mine took the form of an inner jokester. This provided another lens with which to view and/or survive as best I could. Although I didn't name my inner friend, the term "holy fool" fits well, as my tormentors considered themselves supreme holy sorts (I have other, coarser names for them, but no one needs to know--although I tend to call them the GAWDawfuls).

That outlook followed me into adulthood, and helped salve the shame and grief of the early years--notice I say helped but not "cured" (I've given up on that concept). But I'm grateful to have somehow/someway developed that internal humor--external would have been dangerous in those situations. The oddity, if such, is that the blessing might never have happened without the curse. Or, maybe that's not so odd after all.

If they only knew that I could secretly trust my inner comic to laugh at them, they would have beat me even more, shamed and belittled me ten times worse, but I managed to keep the candle lit inside, and yes, I know it saved my life. Never easy, and I don't understand the "how" of its presence, but I'm so glad it was there.

So keep laughing...sometimes it was my only grasp at sanity, and I treasure it -- may yours thrive as well. 

[woodsgnome]

Sorry, but I had to relay some trouble concerning humor, which I'm fairly sure results from cptsd issues (fantasy, dissociation, etc). Namely, I have a marked tendency to let my humor slide into cynicism of a high order. So sometimes I fret that maybe it's taken the wrong way...okay, but I'd still rather balance the humor; when I don't have it it's like the emotional ghosts rush into the opening. It helps, but can hurt--always the balance is risky.

[Kizzie]

I do catch myself loling IRL more these days KF and it is such a light and free feeling albeit a bit surprising at times     My poor dog has jumped to his feet from a sound sleep several times when I've burst out laughing.  Hopefully he's not developing a startle response.

I also find myself making (corny) jokes more, breaking into a little dance - funny little spontaneous things I never used to do.  Signs of recovery methinks! 

[Pixelpixiestick]

Possible trigger
When I read this headline, I had to respond. I rarely laugh out loud. In my circumstance, I think it is from hiding my true emotions on a daily basis, fearing the expression of those emotions because it could one day be used as leverage against me. Do you ever force yourself to laugh out loud because you're concerned that you are not expressing your appreciation for someone's joke/ humor, and you feel awkward, especially if you don't understand the humor in the situation?

[Indigochild]

Pixelpixiestick

I laugh, but only when i think it is ok to.
Sometimes, if people think its too loud or whatever, ill carry on or go out the room.

I always force myself to laugh at jokes and if everyone find something funny but i don't i feel i have to laugh along.

[Kubali]

It's understandable I guess that the sense of humour is invariably one of the first casualties of CPTSD

I used to avoid all comedies on TV and the movies. I'm wondering (years later) if this is a form of self-sabotage?

Now I spend Friday evenings watching different stand-up comedians on TVs. I believe now that laughing is as healing as crying. But it sure took a long time to reach that conclusion.

Kubali

[Kizzie]

PPS - I used to try and be invisible so LOLing was not something I did much of.    I just didn't want to draw attention to myself. And when I did I would have this voice tell me not to get too relaxed because something bad was just around the corner.  As I deal with the anger and fear and sadness, it leaves me more energy and room I guess for the good stuff. So you never know, one of these days you may just find you have a spontaneous guffaw or two. 

Oh and yes, I have faked laughter even when I didn't get what was funny, but in that I don't think we (those of us with CPTSD) stand alone.  I think the 'normies' do it too, we're just hyperaware of feeling awkward and tend to think we're the only ones feeling that way.

Kubali - I had a thought that perhaps you might have avoided comedy because you didn't feel like laughing when your world was so bleak? The "Don't rub salt in the wound thing"?  So maybe you were protecting instead of sabotaging yourself - just a thought.   

[Kubali]

Kizzie

What you said about me protecting myself was really insightful! I think you must be right. Everything felt so raw inside. I remember feeling incredulous that people around me were laughing when I had this gaping wound inside. How could they be so inconsiderate? I think that just made me isolate more and avoid 'happy' people because it made me feel even more of an alien.

Thank you for that. It helped.

Kubali

[Pixelpixiestick]

I guess you guys are right. It's a comfort thing. I'm not sure I know what my own laugh really sounds like. I'm aware when I'm laughing, and I usuLly only laugh out loud to things I've "programmed" myself to laugh out loud to. I don't laugh out loud for myself, and I never laugh out loud when I'm alone even if it's something extremely funny. I may snicker but that's even rare. Cptsd engrosses so many varying things. I try to not let that realization depress me but encourage me to seek balance, and understand I'm not alone.