The Magic Trigger

[woodsgnome]

This is prompted by another sleepless night, that started out alright, and then...

So I had the radio on faintly; there was some indecipherable talk going on and then the words I never seem to miss, and flinch/wince when I do.

Those simple two words--"Loved Ones". They say you outgrow some things--I've never outgrown (and I'm 65!) in my automatic drawback from the sound of those words. The simple word "love" can also trigger, but now it's more just a passing reaction like, hmm, wonder what that is. And yes I'm an adult and yes it "shouldn't" bother but sorry, it always has. And sometimes the pain may not hit directly, but other times...you know.

It's not like I avoid the topic entirely--I absolutely crave true instances of love that I hear about...and I marvel sometimes at the depth to be found when I see it in action.

I've gotten better at witnessing instances of loving interaction (mostly between parents/children but also teacher-student, for instance) without having my first reaction turn personal, and I've learned to be amazed at what this nefarious love-thing can look like. And then...

...it's always over there, for them. Good for them, too. But...well, you know the drift I'm in, we all do. 

No more to say, but perhaps in doing so I've helped someone know they're not alone, even though we're confined to these screens to enable us to reach each other. But at least it's there...unlike the love that never was.

And maybe I'll even sleep tonight, and not wake up to find tears on the pillow again.

[Jdog]

I do hope you slept, and awoke to the knowledge that you deserve every bit as much love and compassion as others in this world.  Give some to yourself, if you can.  It's a great place to begin 💜.