Jokes

[keepfighting]

Not sure whether it's a quote or a joke:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder --- one of the few conditions where the patient is left alone and every one else is treated. (Unknown)

[Kizzie]

So good Keep Fighting!     (ironic and unfortunately so true lol)

[flookadelic]

What do pigs use when they get ill?

Oinkment!

[schrödinger's cat]

Not sure if this joke translates well, but here goes.

Says the doctor to the narcissist: "You broke both your legs? How on earth did that happen?"
"I climbed on top of my ego, and then I flung myself down onto my standards."

[flookadelic]

The horizon is that place where the earth meets the sky. A wee sparrow with a lump on his head told me.

[Whobuddy]

My dog has no tail.

Then how can you tell when he's happy?

He stops biting me.

[wingnut]

Can anyone else relate to this? 

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[Anamiame]

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick

[Anamiame]

What's red and smells like blue paint? 






red paint.

[Anamiame]

What's brown and sticky???




A stick

[Anamiame]

What's green and has wheels. 





Grass.  I lied about the wheels.

[Dutch Uncle]

Right! In order to check if I have any talent for jokes, here's one I came up with today (by looking at a map of the Pacific: don't ask me why!)

It's more a riddle:
What are the United States Unorganized Territories more commonly known as?
( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Territories_of_the_United_States#Unincorporated_unorganized_territories )

Drumroll....

Anarchypelago's

Ba Boom Tsjjj...

[Cuthberta]

If your narrator were as hypervigilant as I am sometimes, she might ask her friend: "I know how you are... but can you tell me how I'm doing?"

I am going to actually start saying that. I really am. 

[DaisyMae]

Okay, love this one but the guys may not appreciate it so much:

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.

I have a 50 year old child so this joke is perfect!

Hope everyone has a good and safe weekend!

DaisyMae

[Vrizzy]

Here are some bad puns: (my family and I make up really bad puns almost trying to have a friendly competition for the corniest joke! So here are some of mine along with some other jokes!)

If sharks are made of cartilidge and noses are made of cartilidge then sharks must be giant, angrily swimming noses.


What did the astronaut say as he approached the black hole?

"Well this sucks."


Roses are red,
Violets AREN'T blue,
I have no idea what I'm doing,
And neither do you.


What do you call it when a group of students are standing in the middle of corn and one of them falls over?


A field trip.

What did the juice say to the ocean?
"Hi-Sea!"



Bae: Hey...
Me: hmmm?
Bae: if Scar had a repair shop his slogan would be:"be repaired!"
(Credit to my boyfriend)

If I think of more then I'll add them! :3