Jokes

Started by Rain, September 28, 2014, 04:42:49 PM

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Dutch Uncle


Dutch Uncle

#31
This is actually a commercial (not so obvious until the credits roll), but I thought it's funny nonetheless:
(I trust that since I post this for it's humorist content it's not a breach of site policy on advertisement. For all I care people will be put off by the product-placement  ;D )

Suffering from Irrational Disbelief Syndrome
https://vimeo.com/5682716

From the same 'series', this one is quite funny too
https://vimeo.com/5628375

(I actually 'found' this through a program on National Television I saw yesterday evening, in which a guy (psychiatrist, philosopher and Professor in Psychiatry) had a whole evening (3 hours) to show clips of programs and movies to tell about his life, work and worldview, and was interviewed between the clips. The first commercial was in there as well, as a fragment of choice by him. There's also a movie of choice following the program. In this case it was "Apocalypse Now".)

stillhere

Thank you!  A great start to the week.

Vrizzy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79yDMxvLOqU

This is HYSTERICAL! This is what some people apparently thought they heard while listening to Disney songs! WARNING: some cursing and inappropriate themes. Apparently people have odd imaginations....

I'll give you the clean ones that are uber hysterical!

Circle of Life (Lion King)

Real Lyrics: (in Swahili)

Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba 
Sithi uhm ingonyama         

Nants ingonyama bagithi baba
Sithi uhhmm ingonyama
Ingonyama

Siyo Nqoba                 
Ingonyama
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala

What people thought they heard:

Nah! It's in pain, yeah!
Mama the chihuahua!
Such a ghoul!
When you're a mom.
When you're a mom.

I'll Make A Man Out Of You (Mulan)

Real Lyrics:

Be a man!
You must be swift as the coursing river!
Be a man!
With all the force of  great typhoon!
Be a man!

What people thought they heard:

Leave a man!
You must be swift as the coursing river!
Leave a man!
With all the force of great Thai food!
Leave a man!

Savages (Pocahontas)

(This song is talking about how both sides see the other as savages. So yeah the original lyrics aren't the nicest but the misheard lyrics crack me up! Because of this mishearing of lyrics I can no longer take the song seriously and just burst out laughing.)

Real lyrics:

They're savages! Savages!
Barely even human!
Savages, savages!
Drive them from our shore!

What people thought they heard:

They're sammiches! Sammiches!
Barely even human!
Sammiches, sammiches!
Drive them from our shore!

(Everyone run! The sammiches have arrived! lol)

Be Our Guest (Beauty & The Beast)

Real Lyrics:

With your meal, with your ease
Yes, indeed, we aim to please
While the candlelight's still glowing
Let us help you,
We'll keep going
Course by course...

What people thought they heard:

Lick your beer!
Lick your ears!
Yes, indeed, we ate the police!
While the candlelight's still glowing...
Let us help you milk meat bologna!
Horse pie course...

(I laughed so hard that I almost fell over!)

I See The Light (Tangled)

Real Lyrics:

Standing here,
It's oh so clear,
I'm where I'm meant to be!

What people thought they heard:

Standing here,
It's oh so clear,
I'm where I'm meant to pee!

Circle of Life (Lion King)

Real lyrics: (Again, they are in Swahili)

Ingonyama
Ingonyama nengw' enamabala 

What people thought they heard:

Penguin, llama, penguin-Imma buy ya.
Penguin, llama, penguin-Imma buy ya.

Vrizzy

Some more hysterically misheard lyrics because I am apparently easily amused.

Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap (AC/DC)

Real lyrics:

Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap.


What people thought they heard:


Dirty deeds, done with sheep.

or

Dirty deeds, dungeon feet.

You're The One That I Want (Grease)

Real Lyrics:

You better shape up,
'Cause I need a man...

What people thought they heard:

You better shave Bob,
'Cause I need a pen...

Circle of Life (Lion King)

(yes, again)

What people thought they heard:

PENNSYLVANIA!


JohnnyBoy

lol still tryin to think of one

oh heck heres a couple local ones

Whats a hillbilly fortune cookie?
A biscuit with a food stamp in it!

whats a hillbilly credit card?
A 3 ft syphon hose!


Dutch Uncle

I'm in great need of a laugh today, so I'm going to watch all 10 best Fawlty Towers moments that readers of the Guardian have piled up.

John Cleese should be put on a banknote, the guy is Brillant.
**trigger warning: Cleese plays a very unpleasant character. Sarcastic/black Humor**
http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2015/sep/24/readers-suggest-the-10-best-fawlty-towers-moments

Dutch Uncle

#37
Dogs race:
:rundog:  :rundog:     :rundog: :rundog:   

arpy1

my money's on no. 3!

Dutch Uncle

I think the hunt is on for a husband:


arpy1

what for?  Lunch??

Dutch Uncle


JohnnyBoy


Dutch Uncle


Wife#2

OK, so this one is from my son

Where did the general hide his armies?



scroll for it....



more.....


In his sleavies!!!!

Always followed by, did ya get it? Did ya get it?