The Next Step?

[GingerMeggs]

This is my first post on OOTS. So I don't know if this post is right, but I'm just going to go for it.

Three months ago, I broke up with my ex, and, curious about what a friend had said, I started googling and came across articles that talked about emotional abuse when you have a narcissistic partner. It so accurately depicted the journey I had been through that I vomited and stopped eating for the next week.

I went on to learn about the narcissist cycle, radical acceptance, mindfullness, coping through meditation, but most importantly, I learnt that the only person who can change me is me. I was on the up. I was doing so much better. And then I ran in to him and it all fell apart. None of these new strategies helped and I spent the next day in the bathroom dry retching and crying.

I then stumbled across an article about C-PTSD. Again, it seemed so accurate. I spoke to my therapist about it, and she suggested that yes I did have C-PTSD. That my C-PTSD was due to my childhood consisting of emotional neglect from my narcissistic father, watching my mother struggle with alcoholism and having medical trauma from getting 3rd degree burns when I was 12. And, this new trauma with my ex, had brought up my C-PTSD. And now I realise that he is a trigger for me.

So here I am. And I'm not sure where to go next. Understanding that my brain has problems with certain fears, and wants to react by fight, flight or freeze has helped immensely. But where do I go from here? EFT (tapping)? Journaling to find your inner child? I am worried I have googled too much and now overwhelmed with information, that I don't know which step to take next.

As I am prone to panic attacks, I am also worried that if I do take another big step, then I will discover some truths that will ultimately lead me to healing, but with the side effects of having a panic attack on the way there.

[Three Roses]

My heart goes out to you! Your powerful physical reaction (vomiting) shows how much your body knows the truth.

This site recommends we not give advice as much as share our own narrative, to let people just glean the info that's useful and leave behind what ain't.

A couple years ago, after years of counseling, I was diagnosed with ptsd. Thru some research on my own, I discovered there is a condition called complex ptsd, so I started reading and BOY did things click for me.

So, I bought a book called "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving". This book, for me and others on this forum, has been key to feeling validated at last, and understood for perhaps the first time in my life.

The author, Pete Walker, also has an insightful and resourceful website, pete-walker.com.

Hope to hear more from you! We're all on this journey together. 

[GingerMeggs]

I'm sorry about asking for advice and thank you for gently guiding me back in the right direction about this forum.

I shall definitely give that book a read. I read one particular article by Pete Walker that has already really helped.

[Three Roses]

I'm so sorry I phrased my response that way! I should've said, "I want to give you advice but instead I'll just try to tell you a little about me, and what worked for me!"

This forum has been so open & welcoming to me; something I've not experienced a lot. We're free to say what we feel, or ask advice or whatever our healing needs at that moment.

Again glad to meet you, glad you're here 

[GingerMeggs]

Oh. Im so sorry. I promise I genuinely mean thank you. I am so new to this site and I'm learning so much from reading other people's topics, but I don't really know what I am doing or the protocol.

I can't thank you enough for responding so quickly, making me feel welcome and helping me figure out the map of the land. I haven't really shared my story with people outside of my therapist, so I can't tell you how comforting it is to have had someone read it, and be very nurturing in their response.

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi GingerMeggs    and welcome   

What a rollercoaster of a journey you have had over the course of these few months. I can relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed by all the information that suddenly feels so fitting to your personal experiences.

Where to go next? That is not a question that easy to answer. There are many roads to take from here, and only you will be able to say for yourself what works best for you next. A favorite phrase around here is "It takes baby steps". The road forward takes many turns. And sometimes it involves taking a step back. Or taking a rest.

I hope and wish this site and community will be of aid to you in your recovery. It's wonderful you have a supportive therapist.
Thanks for joining us.