Affirm: I am strengthening the healthy parts of myself, adding to my self-esteem

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C.

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STEP SIXTEEN

I am strengthening the healthy parts of myself, adding to my self-esteem.

In Step Sixteen you will continue the process of strengthening the healthy, adaptive parts of you that you first developed during childhood and later fortified in the early steps of your recovery. Your task now is to begin to organize and consolidate these healthy parts into an integrated, positive sense of self. As you refine this sense of self, you will find that you are more flexible, balanced and adaptive with respect to your thinking, your emotions and your actions. These are personal strengths that you can live with on a permanent basis!

While strengthening the healthy parts, you will also need to continue to resolve any feelings remaining from the past, especially those that make you susceptible to resuming old destructive behaviors. You probably have noticed that feelings related to the abuse last a long time. Although you probably have more resources, internal as well as interpersonal, to deal with these feelings now, certain situations can still evoke them. By now, self-sabotage should be an infrequent occurrence, as you are now aware of old patterns and able to stop yourself before you actually commit the destructive action(s). Likewise, you are better able to control your aggression, as you have refined new ways of coping with these feelings and learned to avoid or defuse old triggering situations.

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Kizzie

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As you refine this sense of self, you will find that you are more flexible, balanced and adaptive with respect to your thinking, your emotions and your actions. These are personal strengths that you can live with on a permanent basis!

I do feel a shift like this happening which is not to say I don't have down days, I just don't get quite as down as I used to or for as long.  I was struggling with some depression and unresolved anger over some PD-like behaviour recently, and oddly enough had several dreams about expressing some clean, healthy anger and it going well in each instance, like I was reminding myself that with most people I can be honest without having to deal with N backlash.

By now, self-sabotage should be an infrequent occurrence, as you are now aware of old patterns and able to stop yourself before you actually commit the destructive action(s). Likewise, you are better able to control your aggression, as you have refined new ways of coping with these feelings and learned to avoid or defuse old triggering situations.

This ties into the above. I know that when I am tired or stressed I am much more vulnerable to the sadness/grief/frustration/anger of having to deal with PD people. Given that it's inevitable to have  these encounters and sometimes I am more vulnerable, I will try to express my anger in a way that doesn't cause the person to hurl abuse or go into a PD rant, and/or express my anger in some other way (e.g.,  like writing a letter to the person that I don't send, talking about it here to get out the frustration, talking to my H).
« Last Edit: June 09, 2015, 10:13:46 PM by Kizzie »