Hi fairyslipper
Trigger warning all through thread
You are in no way being too sensitive at all!!
I think most people would be annoyed by this.
Maybe you are more annoyed because it is a trigger for you?
People who do this, are showing that they don't care about:
.What you have to say
.Your feelings
By saying they understand, or that they feel exactly the same way, or I know how you feel...you can not know completley how someone else feels because you are not *them*, even if you have experienced a similar feeling to that person
You can understand...have empathy, but to openly state that you know how they feel - i wouldnt say that.
When you say something and someone doesnt ask a question back, to show that they are interested in what youve just said, yes that is annoying.
I do think that sometimes, it is just the way conversation is.
Someone will say something, and someone else will go OH YES!!!
that reminds me of....
or ...that happened to me!!
If you have been invalidated in childhood, ignored, not listened to, had your experiences not acknowledged and or minimised, or had self absorbed parents, then dealing with others in conversations is really difficult.
You know what? It makes my blood boil too!
It probably comes from my parents. Feelings were not allowed. Invalidation. Dad talks over me. Dad will ask me a question, then go on about himself and how he is suffering (which he is but its not the point).
I volunteer at a place for people who are blind and visually impaired, and all of them have something to moan about. I work with one incredibly self absorbed man, such a martyr, the youngest in his line of ten brothers.
My vision not being perfect has always been minimised by blind people, as I'm not totally blind (but regstered as), and its majorly triggering. Goes back to issues around that with parents.
So yes. Everything else is alway worse for other people!!! *bull ----*.
The people who do not moan, and have been through so much, seem to get ignored because they pretend they are ok, and try to act normal socially.
Its not fair. We are strong, and we can find someone in this world who will not invalidate and who will just listen and understand. Theres got to be someone.
You do not need people in your life who use asking how you are artificially for their own gain.
I am sorry your attracting people like your mum. But this is not your fault.
You attract people over and over until you understand and know how to correct this.
Don't know if this is the case, and I'm really not meaning to invalidate at all:
Because of your mums parenting- continued onto you as a result of her parenting, it is undertandable that you may have similar feelings as your mum does about herself, deep inside you, because you both received similar parenting.
You mum longed to be acknowledged, thus didnt acknowledge you, and now you are feeling the same.
I myself find that sometimes, i am unreasonable as i get triggered at things that are not meant to hurt me, but thats not my fault.
I have to ask...are you seeing a therapist or have you ever considered it...as you said you are doing healing work?
I think that even if your are a lovely person, and care about others, which sounds exactly what you are like, and even if you understand that other people have issues, there comes a limit.
I know that you don't care about others to get something in return, but when people start abusing your kind nature like this, there has to be a stop button.
You should take a step or about 10 steps back from these sorts of people and start focusing on your *self*.
Find out who you are and nurture how you feel. There is a child inside of you who needs to be heard, and perhaps you are pushing her away by letting others invalidate and ignore your feelings and what you have to say.
Its time to turn the focus back on you.
I know this is easier said than done.
Just one more thing-
You are angry at the people in the present, but i think you are really angry at your mum, but you perhaps havent tapped into that anger completely?
Usually we are angry at the present SO MUCH because we are angry with out parents.
Writing this thread makes me feel so empowered. Thank you for posting this.
You are not alone in this struggle and annoyance at others behaving this way.
You should be proud to be who you are , and to be a person who is so kind and caring towards others and a great ear for others.
You did what you had to do growing up and thats something to be proud of.
Now its your time.
