HIghly Sensitive People and Empaths

[V]

 - everyone - this is an excellent reference for emotions, healing, empathy, etc ... Karla McLaren is great !!!     http://karlamclaren.com

this book is very good - I've read it about ten times = Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential--and Endangered by Bruce D. Perry = I cried and then marvel at the revelations ... it all comes from how we were raised in the environment as children ... we are not born this way - we are born to love but if that is not nourished and nurtured in a respectful manner or at all, we become impaired - this applies to everyone - there are no exceptions ...

What happened to us is not too difficult to figure out - it's how to repair what has happened to us so that we might function as best we can for the remainder of our lives. Read Read Read - do all you can to gather as much information you can and take care of yourself and love yourself first. It takes time for all the info to settle in if you just keep reading ... but you too can get there - just keep pushing forward. After all, there is no other way to go ...

Peace and Love, from V

[GettingThere]

Hi everyone. I haven't read all of the posts in this thread, so forgive me if I repeat stuff people have already said. I definitely identify as a HSP and like coda, for my entire childhood and adult life, this has been treated like something that is very wrong with me. I was told by one psychologist that I'm hyper-vigilant; I'm always checking other peoples' facial expressions way more than is necessary because I'm always checking to see if they're angry with me. My mother programmed me to know that upsetting her in any way would lead to extreme violent consequences for me, so I still live in constant fear of upsetting people in any way.

It's just my theory, but I think that's why most people with C-PTSD are HSP. Our survival depended on our ability to efficiently read others' emotions and react fast. I think being an HSP can be a gift if you reach a place in your recovery where you're able to choose when you want to use those empathy skills, and not use them when you don't have to or whenever you're afraid. Obviously, I'm not at that place in my recovery yet. But ya, I think it's possible that being an HSP can be a good thing once you get a handle on it.

Also, to all the new people: Am I the only one who's freaking out at how cool it is that we can have a conversation like this and use the words "us" and "we" to refer to other people who have so many of the same problems and personality traits that we do? My whole life I was made to feel like a freak by my family members and psychologists, but now I feel so much better knowing that there are other people who are so similar to me!

[Summer Sun]

Ditto as an HSP, the book was so enlightening.  In some cultures, HSP's are actually valued. 

[Kizzie]

i]definitely[/i] identify as a HSP and like coda, for my entire childhood and adult life, this has been treated like something that is very wrong with me. I was told by one psychologist that I'm hyper-vigilant; I'm always checking other peoples' facial expressions way more than is necessary because I'm always checking to see if they're angry with me. My mother programmed me to know that upsetting her in any way would lead to extreme violent consequences for me, so I still live in constant fear of upsetting people in any way. It's just my theory, but I think that's why most people with C-PTSD are HSP. Our survival depended on our ability to efficiently read others' emotions and react fast

Yes that was certainly what it was like growing with a covert NDPM for me. The merest arching of an eyebrow, tightening of the lips, a certain tone - all signals that she was displeased and life would then become one of walking in eggshells and tiptoeing.   In a book I'm reading (Childhood Disrupted)', there is woman who only felt safe at night when she could hear her mother snoring.  Then and only then did she feel she could relax her guard. l knew exactly what she meant.

I also read somewhere that along with being HSP comes being armoured, tensed to deal with threat and that would be me also.  So  I am starting with a psychologist this week to work on bio- and neurofeedback so I can learn to bring the hyper vigilance and armouring down.  Fingers crossed!

[V]

Kizzie, good luck getting started on psychotherapy. Let us know your progress. I too lived with a mother like that and I have read a library of books read and therapists visited. Check out EMDR therapy - it's very good and it helpd me tremendously and of course I had a good psychologist - not a "therapist" so make sure you do shop well for a professional that suits your needs. I finally realized I needed a higher degree of help than a corner store therapist. Although good for some, I needed someone with more education and experience. And I found her and she was and still is my angel. Finding that balance as you progress can also be difficult as we continue to beat ourselves up when we are not perfect - because that is the way we were trained ... any small move outside the boundaries did not go unnoticed and was punished so therefore we strive for nothing but perfection and why? we are not perfect souls - we are here to learn and live an unperfect life so that we can improve ... having to live with that as a child is unbearable and so abusive that I can't even tell you where I would be able to begin. Got to run for now but much love and luck ... V

[Kizzie]

Tks V, the fellow I'm seeing is a psychologist and comes highly recommended.  I hope the bio/neuro feedback will help me to be able to loosen, relax, armour down, unclench ....  Anyway, I will post about it as I go along.

[GettingThere]

Best of luck with your new therapy Kizzie!! 

[Kizzie]

Tks GettingThere!

[woodsgnome]

Waterman said: "I believe there is no such thing as overly sensitive." 

This entire post says it so beautifully--something to absorb, to realize that true sensitivity is a strength to be treasured.

Thank you!

[fh]

I'm having issues controlling my empath paranoia. It seems to be everywhere. Its quite overwhelming and feel like I just can't get away from it.  Its quite a horrible feeling and i'm feeling quite trapped. how do you ignore it? Its given me CPTSD. It feels like a permanent situation that just won't go away. it's a curse at the moment. Is there an off switch? or technique of controlling it?

[CheeseLikesCereal]

Hi Everyone.  Newbie here.     Frist post.    

I have always been an HSP and Empath.  It's interesting to note how many people with CPTSD identify with these traits.  This is an intriguing thread.  Thank you.

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi CheeseLikesCereal 

Welcome to out of the Storm, I'm glad you found us.

I'd like to take the opportunity to point out our Guidelines for All Members and Guests to you. They are here to ensure this a safe environment for you and it will give you an idea of the community we create with each other.

Glad to meet you,

Dutch Uncle.

[MoonHare]

I learnt about HSP ten years ago when I found an HSP board which helped me understand a lot about myself and from that I learnt that I was an empath as well.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Just me
That is a really good point --- it's like red alert radar ...

[sanmagic7]

v,

i don't know of any switch to turn off empathy.  i do believe, however, that sometimes, for some people, empathy of great proportions can be turned into a positive with a change of perspective.  can this help bring you closer to people?  can it stir your creative juices in a positive way?  can you utilize it as a warning device in your life that will help you avoid negative or dangerous people?  and, conversely, can it help your ability to 'feel' if someone might be worth taking a chance with as far as a relationship goes (whatever shape or form that relationship might take)?

i am curious to know how this has caused your c-ptsd.   i haven't heard of this yet, but am interested.