WARNING - Forum Includes Threads about Psychoactive Substances

[Stormwolf]

I was concerned about it being a potential problem. It was something I discussed with my doctor- we thought the benefits outweighed the risks for becoming too reliant. However! I discovered that the control freak in me doesn't like that high feeling, so I generally only want it when I"m having a really bad day. This doesn't mean it will be the same for you, obviously, but what seems to work is stopping for a second and asking myself if I need a dose of meds right now, and how strong of a dose do I need? And then going from there. Hope this helps!

[Kizzie]

It does SG, tks!  I am interested in the Indica (low THC) strains so that will help as well. They apparently give more body relaxation/pain relief versus a head buzz.  There's a lot to learn with cannabis so hopefully I will find a knowledgeable dispensary. That's awesome that you have a supportive doc by the way, things are changing!

[Kizzie]

Well, I was able to get a provincial membership/license at two cannabis dispensaries in the province.  BC is quite liberal when it comes to pot compared to the rest of the country. 

Anyway, I was "examined" by a naturopath via Skype at both places (3-4 questions about symptoms), got the thumbs up to buy and use weed for medicinal purposes, and was issued a membership card so I can buy what I want.  Unlike the US I can buy as much as I want as long as the dispensary is certain I am not buying it to resell. Lots of gray areas, loopholes the industry is taking advantage of here.

So I bought one gram of 8 different strains, 6 Indica and two hybrid.  I have tried three and have to say I'm not liking it at all!   It doesn't help me to feel sleepy and doesn't take the edge off as I thought it would. I just feel weird and want it to wear off so I don't know if I will even bother trying the rest. 

Not to discourage anyone from trying cannabis - I often have really different (paradoxical) reactions to medications (anti-anxiety meds ramp up my anxiety; codeine makes me jumpy)

[Rrecovery]

Hi Kizzie,

I few years back I went through a horrific extended period of profound sleep deprivation (no exaggeration!).  The doctors and the naturopath all said that there was nothing "more" they could do for me.  So I got a MM license and bought some.  It didn't help and the side effects made my life worse.  Like you I don't believe this means everyone will have this experience.

I eventually figured out how to help myself.  Here's what I use:

10pm Lithium Orotate (over the counter very low dose lithium), Lemon Balm, and sublingual 5-HTP (sublingual so it doesn't go through the gut and give me IBS)
11pm L-Theanine, PassionFlower, 5 HTP
2am doxilamine succanate
5am L-Theanine

These supplements are non-addictive and do not develop tolerance.  They are relatively good for you (except the dox suc which isn't horrible).
My hope is that as I recover from Cptsd more and more I will be able to come off some or all of these, but for now they work and have been for about 18 months.

Rrecovery

[Kizzie]

Tks so much for this Rrecovery!  I must say after all my efforts to get ahold of some to try pot I was really disappointed at how I felt.  I grew three plants last year that were the epitomy of failure to thrive lol - who knew there was such a science to growing pot? Yeesh!

Anyway, I really don't like feeling that weird head thing you get even with the Indica strains. I can only imagine what the Sativas would be like  .   In some ways I see this as a bit of progress perhaps (i.e., I don't want to numb or fog up because staying present/grounded is a little more comfortable than it used to be.) 

I hope you don't mind some questions about the items you listed!   

10pm Lithium Orotate (over the counter very low dose lithium), Lemon Balm, and sublingual 5-HTP (sublingual so it doesn't go through the gut and give me IBS)
11pm L-Theanine, PassionFlower, 5 HTP
2am doxilamine succanate
5am L-Theanine

Are those the times you take the various items tat the start and if so why do you take certain things at certain times? What dose do you use of each?  Do you just get sleepy when you use them?

Tks again 

[Rrecovery]

Hi Kizzie,

Those are the times I take them.  I figured out this configuration (sups and times) through lots of trial and error.  None of them put you "out" like Ambien, they all relax the nervous system.  If I'm really wound up I can take all of them and barely sleep.  I have to do "my" part by consciously relaxing my muscles and mind through meditation or at least thinking non-stressing thoughts.
LemonBalm Force by New Chapter 1 softgel
Lithium Orotate by Pure Encapsulations 5mg
Doxilimaine Succanate 25mg
PassionFlower by Solaray 350mg
L0Theanin by Whole Foods 100mg
sublingual 5-HTP by Life Link - I put 2 - 25mg under my tongue each time, I don't swallow the saliva, I spit it out - so I swallow none of it, let it dissolve for 15 minutes, spit out what's left
I also take Magnesium glycinate by Pure Encapsulations - 2 capsules at 10pm.

Hope this helps 

[Kizzie]

Thanks for the info Rrecovery.  I think you're quite right about doing your part    and it made me think that I need to work on that more if I am being honest with myself (and tk you for your part in my seeing that).  What I am doing so far (being more mindful, checking in with my body, trying to think differently about things that cause me anxiety) has been working so it makes sense that doing more of this would help. 

[Kizzie]

Just by way of an update to this thread, I have gone from wanting to numb my pain as I did when I became addicted to alcohol, to wanting to get at and deal with my pain via a drug that would allow me to do that, to not wanting (needing?) to use anything once I gotten further into recovery. 

Please know that in relating this I'm not advocating one way or another (use or not use), just letting members know that in the end I moved slowly but surely into recovery with therapy, prescribed medication and this forum. Having said that I am still very curious to see what the MAPS trials reveal regarding what it may do to help those of us with CPTSD in terms of recovery.

[Dutch Uncle]

I've made my reservations regarding the use of (not so) illegal substances (in the Netherlands) known elsewhere, even though I'm not against them per se. I do think caution is warranted.

In te Netherlands there is a (in)famous example of such use. The pro's arguing for it and the con's against it are still in debate.
While searching for a good source on this historical case in English I found this article on the website of MAPS. No coincidence there.
**possible triggers: Prof Bastiaans used LSD in his treatment of horrific trauma caused during WWII. Some graphic details are disclosed**
http://www.maps.org/news-letters/v08n1/08118sne.html
What the article doesn't mention is that after he had retired, a drug addict in his care died while treated with ibogaine. His license was revoked as a result.
I'm not drawing any conclusions from it, but I'd say "be careful out there".

[KayFly]

I'm so glad this.thread is here. I always refrained from talking about my past, extensive use of psychedelic drugs because I did not.want to encourage anyone one way or the other. I just had an extensive run of my life where I did anything to search for answers and psychedelic drugs played a big roll in that. It's hard to talk about though, because when I found answers, my family all chalked it up to "she's on drugs. She's crazy" but the truth is that the drugs heightened my sense of what was really going on.

LSD was really hard for me under the circumstances I was in, but it helped bring back childhood memories that otherwise may have been suppressed had I not taken it. They were bad memories, and I had prolonged fearful states but I would have rather know than not. It has a way of helping people face fears. They used to use it for therapy.I wish I had the opportunity to sit with a healer while I used it.

Same with MDMA. I have lots of experience with this drug. It was used origionally, in its plant form, for healing relationships. Sometimes the healer would take the Extacy while speaking with the people seeking help with relationships.

I have also tried DMT which has been known to heal cognitive distortion as well as addiction and although I travelled to a different dimension and it was absolutely terrifying at moments, it was one of the most beautiful and helpful things that has ever happened to me. It's 7 hour version is called Ayahuasca and is used by shamans and indigenous cultures for healing as well.

I was once at a class for plant healing and DMT was the recommended first drug to try had anyone not tried psychedelics because it is short lived, but opens you up to so much.

I have an extensive use of psilocybin which i have.found to be more of a grounding psychedelic, than the ones mentioned above. I also used to smoke marijuana like a chimney, but it's a sacred plant and abusing it is not cool. Nor abusing any of these sacred plants/healing drugs.

Today I don't use any, but if I get with a shaman in South America with Ayahuasca it's on.

So many drugs with such healing properties are illegal. But then substances like alcohol are legal. It has always been known to be used for killing off bacteria and sickness. Now its so abused, naturally with how addicting it is.

I mean kudos if you have a couple glasses.of wine.  I just can't stand drunk people. So ignorant, loud, obnoxious, rude, and talk to close to your face. How embarrassing. I've been that person, but on the other side of it now, I'm humiliated and saddened by what I've done while drunk to relationships, bad choices I've made and the danger I've put myself in.

While there are so many drugs that could open eyes and make the world a  better place, they legalize.and target the most likely to cause harm. It's ridiculous

[Cleo58]

Hi,  I'm new and just finishing Pete Walker's book on cptsd. I have had a Medical MJ license for 2 years now. I treat it as medicine, not recreational. I was able to get it for my buldging discs in my back and happily have not had to take pain meds for my back more than 5x over the last 2 years! I found one or two puffs of 'sativa,' the happy strain, as opposed to 'indica,' the go to sleep strain, will diminish intrusive thoughts immediately and create an incredible amount of relief in less than a minute and last about an hour and a half.

I use an edible indica infused brownie slice to go to sleep.  One brownie will last me about a week.  I was sleeping only 4 hours a night for 10 years.  After an acupuncturist prescribed a tea to cleanse my liver of anger, which in Chinese medicine, anger is stored in the liver, based on what part of the body is supposed to be healing/rejuvenating when I woke up between 1:30 & 2 a.m., I did the tea for 2 months.  I suddenly started to cry about sad things, hadn't cried in years. I slept gradually a little longer.  I still use the mj to sleep but will sleep about 6-7 hours now, very nice!

Eventually, I would like to be off of everything. I drink wine too, one or 2 glasses a day, early evening.  Other than that, I am a health nut.

This was a particularly hard holiday stretch between Thanksgiving and Christmas as I have started to feel emotions again. I have been NC with my N mother for over 30 years now, as well as my N sister for over 25 years.

I did not realize my "no picture" flashbacks were flashbacks! OMG, what a relief to discover, I have been having them since my early childhood, constantly.  I have worked hard to get well over the last 3 years after divorcing my N husband of 20 years.  I am finally getting it and trying to rebuild my life.  It has been a struggle but a glorious time of understanding and personal growth.

I want to say if you can get MJ in your state give it a try. I do experience a rapid heartbeat sometimes which is annoying but also worth it for the relief.  It is strong stuff, much stronger than my younger years and needs to be respected as a medicine. 

[Kizzie]

Hi Cleo and a warm welcome to OOTS! 

That's fantastic that you have had so much relief with cannabis.  I recently was given a legal prescription for my osteoarthritis and cannot believe the difference it makes in terms of pain.  Not short of amazing considering the alternatives (opiates).  I use Avi Dekel which is one of the highest in CBD (versus THC) you can get.  I haven't tried any strains for sleep or anxiety yet, but the company I purchase from has nurses on staff and a pharmacist to help patients make decisions about which ones to try. I'm heartened to see that different strains have helped you so much so thanks for sharing your experiences in this thread. 

It is such as relief to find out about the emotional flashbacks isn't it?!  I mean no-one wants to have them but it sure brings down the fear when we figure out what's happening.  I always thought I was having a breakdown or going crazy. I had one this Christmas and knowing what it was and then looking for the reasons for it, I managed to defuel it fairly quickly. 

I love how you describe your recovery, "It has been a struggle but a glorious time of understanding and personal growth."  Couldn't say it any better! 

[Cleo58]

I'm happy to see this discussion. Medical MJ is awesome for intrusive thoughts, it dissolves them immediately and gives a sense of well being so I could at least see what well being felt like! It is legal in my state. I am happy to say though that after 3 years, I am stimulant, alcohol (35+ yrs) and drug free. Am I normal member of society? No. I have issues and probably always will. I also have a lot of issues with what society considers normal. I had a sociopath mother, sister, absent alcoholic father since age 2 and didn't meet him until 27, I liked him but it was too late. We were good friends who understood each other and were very much alike.

I married verbally abusive narcissists 2x for a grand total of about 50+ years of abuse. A slow learner, I only figured it out a few years ago, about 5. I divorced my husband - we were together for 20 torturous and numb years. I am terrified of men but just starting to see I am attracting different types now, not angry, yay!. I have isolated in order to not have anyone taking up space in my head but me, so I could focus on healing. I've lost many friends, all of them I ended the relationships after seeing toxic behavior and laying down my boundaries. I find deliberately saying "no" to small things helps tremendously in being able to see most people don't get upset and it actually makes me stronger when they do! I have no issue saying no to anything now. Boundaries make life very manageable. I've become a warrior for myself realizing nobody else cares about me like I do. Also, that I no longer care about others and obsess over them and what I can do for them. It's very freeing. I can't handle stress and I'm an insomniac. I am able to dial myself way back and live in the moment and observe what others are really about before I become attached or involved.

I have been NC with entire family for 30+ years. I have found peace in CoDA meetings of late and I can honestly say I love myself, and all of my emotions. I welcome ALL of them as I will sit and "interview them" as to why they are present and what do they want to teach me? I have a new group of friends now and they are fun. I am normally a fun person with a survival sense of humor, and they know about my cptsd and continue to invite me to do fun things for which I am very grateful.

I am not ready to date and have no desire for a sexual relationship and don't know that I ever will. I do feel many of life's pleasures have been ruined for me as they are now triggers and I don't trust men at all. I do have a great relationship with my higher power and I can honestly say I am thrilled with my life and would not trade it for the life of anyone else. I am starting to make male friends and the jury is still out.

It has been a long road, I suspect I have had cptsd my entire life, but am grateful for everything that has been my journey. I am an artist and it is finally weaving its way into my work and giving it meaning and depth, and seems to have tied my life together. I am able to catch myself now when I am in a flashback, when I idealize someone and I now feel, thanks to Pete Walker's book, that I have the tools to manage it, but will never be rid of it, it's a friend now with gifts of its own. I am proud of how far I've come in 5 years after searching for that one thread that would unravel my personal misery since my teens. It is worthwhile ton of work and I've read over 75 books easily over the last 5 years. But I am finally alive, not numb, I'm confident, speak my mind, I'm honest and vulnerable and unafraid, except for men.  I'll take it. Peace within to all.

[Blossoming]

I find smoking cannabis and the edibles are way too strong and as others have mentioned I don't like the feeling of being high so I made a tincture from the dried plant material and vodka. Just two drops of this under the tongue a few times per day really seems to help anxiety without making me feel high at all-just much more relaxed and calm. I do hope this becomes legal in more places because it seems like a potentially valuable tool.
I got really turned off from many of the psych meds years ago after trying about 15 different ones for over a decade and nothing really worked. I ended up with tardive dyskenesia (automatic involuntary movement disorder) that gradually reversed but because of that I'm no longer a candidate for most pharmaceutical drugs or the condition could eventually return.
The cannabis tincture has been a wonderful alternative for me that I can use as needed. My Nurse Practitioner actually recommended it for my anxiety but she couldn't officially prescribe it due to the current laws in my state. I don't find it addicting in the least and have gone without using it for months at a time. The only negative is that it makes me a bit tired sometimes. I hope this was okay to post here. Feel free to delete it if not.

[sanmagic7]

interesting reading, this.  back when i was using pot/drinking alc. the whole purpose of it for me was to get out of control!  i wanted to laugh, to have fun with others who were doing the same thing.  that's why i loved going to bars - people were having a good time!  and, i stayed away from stoners who just mellowed out - i was introduced to pot as a have-fun, feel-good drug, laugh out loud drug, and that's the way i always preferred to be.  not being in control, away from the seriousness of everything, and among those who also loved to laugh and find things funny.

i'm in recovery from all that now, and i stay away from meds/drugs as much as possible.   the idea of using something, legal or illegal, just goes against my grain now, even for this psychological work.   i want to stay in my reality and work through it, but that's just me.  this has been a real eye-opener, though.  i'm glad i happened through here.  best of luck to anyone who tries this avenue.  i hope it's helpful.  it really may break down walls in the brain that could not otherwise be accessed.  like it was said, everyone's brain stores their traumas/memories differently.