Thank Goodness for the Internet!!

[Kubali]

Hi everyone!

I sometimes feel that I want to get down on my knees and thank the Universe and all the 'good guys' for the Internet.

I look back over my healing journey and imagine for a split second what it would be like if I didn't know what I know now. I imagine the bleak despair loneliness and confusion sucking me down into the Abyss.

I am SO grateful for sites just like this one. I am indebted to the wisdom of others. For their tenacity for their empathy and for their compassion.

So here is a Huge appreciative hug for everyone who has come together to share their experiences.

Thank you!!

Kubali

[Trees]

Kubali, I enjoy your enthusiasm so much!  Like you, I am extremely grateful for the internet and how it has reduced my isolation and loneliness.

Like Southbound, however, I did live a lot of years unconnected and floundering in the Abyss.  Living with that kind of despair and desperation can be indescribably difficult, as I know firsthand.

Dear Southbound, there are many of us out here like you.  I send hugs to you for all these years you have been doing your best!               I know what it is like to spend an entire lifetime feeling Unacceptable.   I know what it is like to try one's best year after year and still have little or no success to show for it.  It is quite tiring and takes a lot of courage.

(Did your GC brother really let you pay for all the day trips and meals?   Appalling.)

We are not the people that our FOOs defined us to be.   If you will excuse my language, F*** the FOOs!  Them and all their ignorant disturbed scapegoating cruelty.

Please let's not believe that lovability depends upon lifestyle, or upon accomplishments or upon land purchased.   As Rain reminded me once, Jesus was homeless.  A lack of visible success does not imply a lack of lovability.

Southbound, I am so glad you are here on this site finding out that you are Totally Acceptable and Totally Lovable.   

[Kubali]

To Southbound and Trees. ( possible Triggers )

Thank you for replying. It helps as you say to reduce the feelings of isolation and lonliness.

I have just emerged from a huge Flashback which prevented me from replying as I wanted to. I think that I did not express myself fully in my original post. What I meant was I am so grateful for the knowledge I obtained through the Internet because it basically kept me alive.

Like both of you I groped blindly through my childhood (and first marriage) conscious that something was terribly wrong. I didn't know what it was until I started researching Personality Disorders. I was actually looking at myself!!! I believed it was me who was sick ( and twisted) then I came across NArcissistic Personality Disorder and in one horrible shocking moment everything fell into place. I was 46.

I found so much information that helped me. I was obsessed in getting the Truth. If I hadn't found this out I wouldn't have been able to go NC with my entire FOO. If I hadn't discovered reality I know that I would have ended my life. I know this because I already made one serious attempt following my divorce. My ex husband stalked and harassed me for 5 years. I lost everything. My home my children my job my friends my health. I took a huge overdose. I was unexpectedly discovered and hauled off to the hospital. The nurse there said "You meant it didn't you?" She was right.

My ex was furious that I lived. He screamed at me that I should do it again. I received death threats from him many times.

So you see I know what the Abyss is too. I know that it sucks you down an destroys everything in its path.

But here I am. Aged 52. I'm alive and although I struggle to get through I will not give in. i know what's real now. I don't like it but at least I can't be fooled any longer. My life has improved enormously since that day 11 years ago.

So I am grateful for the Internet. It literally saved my life.