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Started by Nea, June 19, 2015, 05:28:02 AM

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Nea

hello. I have had many dx over many years. Last dx is ptsd. Not the first time for that dx. So I did a little research and discovered cptsd. It was me. It is me. Three (awful) marriages. Three (even worse) divorces. Two grown kids (did I read somewhere that ptsd adults have ptsd kids) that I have no current relationship with. A beautiful toddler gson. A great bf. A ridiculously trying past. Also, a hope for the future. But what do I do now? Where do I go from here? Resources are so limited here.

Nea

did my post get removed? Did I say something wrong?

C.

Your post was not removed that I know about.  A lot of people w/C-PTSD feel shame or guilt when they've done nothing wrong.  Welcome to OOTS forum.  You've taken a step forward in your recovery and I trust that you will find comfort and support here.  You are among friends.  Be well  :hug:

Nea

I see it now. Thank you.

Nea

does anyone else just feel stuck? I mean, what now?

Nea

There are no resources available for me in ms. What do I do? The confirmation of my dx has opened a floodgate of memories and emotions. ?

woodsgnome

First, I feel for/with you :hug:

One of the hardest things is to accept the stuck part; we're all told it's all onward and all that kind of stuff.

I don't say this to discourage anyone, but I'm 65, and the onward premise was high on my set of assumptions...I mean, it couldn't get any worse, could it? And while the youthful situation I was in certainly set lots of things in motion, the memories "stuck" and I'm still peeling off the residue. I don't want to discourage you, but that word includes something we all need to treasure on this site, and by joining I think you've exhibited that trait.

Take the first 3 letters off of discourage and it leaves courage. And that's what you've demonstrated by opening to seek assistance, even this way if, as you say, resources are hard to come by in MS. And if you read many here have found the Pete Walker book on CPTSD enormously beneficial. It's hard at first--I could only grope my way through for a while, but even though a book will not heal, it can point out some things that easily sneak by our bruised psyches.

I hope this makes a little sense..., sure it's just a silly little word game, but...I don't know. I have huge confidence probs in some areas; my worst goes back to those times when no one listened to anything, and I was totally abandoned to find my own way out. In the last couple years I've come to appreciate another little word that can say a lot: acceptance...another way to say it is..."Regret is the longing to change the past. Fear is the desire to control the future. Peace is the surrender to now." (Jeff Foster)

So just by being here=courage. Stuck? It seems so, and there is another route, and it may even get worse in the meantime, but the first step of reaching out is getting those 3 letters off...it isn't magical but starting is starting.

VeryFoggy

Welcome Nea!  Who diagnosed you?  Is that person a therapist who could treat you? I know it is overwhelming and scary to think there is something wrong with your brain, but over time you may begin to see it as a friend as I currently do.  It is a friend that warns me when I am a bad situation with a person who is mistreating me, or disrespecting me or not being truthful with me.

The best thing to do if you don't have therapy resources is to use books and this forum to share your stories, and to educate yourself. There are many forums on this site, and if you start reading them some of them may be helpful to you. Also you may like Outofthefog.net.  That is where I started and I found it immensely helpful to get started.  I did not know I had CPTSD until March of this year.

Also a group of us on this forum are doing a workbook called Adult Survivors of Child Abuse.  There may be plans to start another group, and do the workbook again in a few weeks with new participants to this forum who are interested in working through their issues.  I am participating in that group and though not all of it is applicable, a lot of it is and it has been helpful.  So there is a possibility that course and workbook will be repeated. I definitely recommend that. You can access that forum at the bottom of the main Support Forum page and look through our postings and see if you think it would be relevant for your situation.

The steps that helped me were to figure out the origin of the CPTSD, then find out as much as I could about Personality Disorders and really get a good understanding of what was wrong with the people who caused me to have CPTSD.   Then I read Pete Walkers book From Surviving to Thriving which was also very helpful.  I have also read a number of books on Anger and why it is good for us, emotional healing and boundary setting. Respect Me Rules was one I found very practical and very helpful.

I did a ton of work on my own before I started therapy and actually was diagnosed. I have been working on this for about a year and a half now, but only started therapy about 16 weeks ago. So it is possible to go far without actual therapy with books and forums.

Again welcome and I am so glad you found us!

Trees

Dear Nea, like some of the others who responded to you, I do think there is a lot of reading material that can help you discover the details of what you are dealing with.  Reading around on this website is a great way to feel less alone and less strange.

And I agree that Pete Walker's book, From Surviving to Thriving, is full of information and compassionate ways to care for yourself.

If reading doesn't work for you, there are a lot of videos all over the web about different aspects of cptsd.  Look here on this website for recommendations for these other sorts of sites.

Big hugs to you, Nea    :hug:    :hug:    :hug: