Negative mind - wanting to change this

  • 3 Replies
  • 715 Views
*

Boatsetsailrose

  • Member
  • 1327
  • Hello welcome - so glad I am here and you are too
    • View Profile
Negative mind - wanting to change this
« on: June 20, 2015, 02:18:36 PM »
Hi
I have just finished working with a child trauma specialist and we did some great work-
One of my features is this negative dominate thinking that is negative towards other people. I am really ready to start working with this and find new ways to have a healthier attitude -
When I have this thinking such as 'she is so useless - I hate her and then have a bad attitude which I can see leaks out to the person mostly through me disengaging and being cold -
My sponsor says this is self hatred turned inwards and I find that an interesting concept- I do have high expectations of both myself and others -
This type of thinking is exactly my mothers behaviour in the past and when that negative dialogue is happening in my head it makes me feel like her-- yuk

I'm ready to move on - to be more loving and vulnerable in the world of non perfection- a
Does anybody have experience of working with this and the results they see

How did u do it cbt ? Other methods ?
I want to and am commuted to stopping this barrier between me and others for I to show niceness and for people to like me for me --
I am a good person it's just my head isn't -

*

keepfighting

  • Member
  • 409
  • I'm not broken just bent
    • View Profile
Re: Negative mind - wanting to change this
« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2015, 08:01:35 PM »
FWIW: It does sound a bit like Outer Critic issues to me.

Have you read Pete Walker's piece on Shrinking the Outer Critic yet? http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/ShrinkingOuterCritic.pdf

CBT might also be helpful. Worth a try.

It is so great that you're at a place now where you are willing to be vulnerable and meet new people. Huge step and takes a lot of courage. Kudos to you!  :hug:

*

Boatsetsailrose

  • Member
  • 1327
  • Hello welcome - so glad I am here and you are too
    • View Profile
Re: Negative mind - wanting to change this
« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2015, 10:07:28 PM »
Thank u keep fighting
I am going to buy Pete w book :)
Yes I feel v great to be at the place I'm at now - change is possible

*

woodsgnome

  • Member
  • 1585
  • I did not wish to live what was not life
    • View Profile
Re: Negative mind - wanting to change this
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2015, 04:26:41 PM »
I'm of the same mindset, and it's probably an unconscious defensive posture developed early on when I bought into the notion that everyone I encountered was a potential danger. That attitude stuck. Nowadays I often display a friendly or least okay disposition when I first meet someone; then something goes awry (and it can be very minor) that seems to set off a trigger that says “be careful” and it spirals down from there. I'm aware of it better, but it's pretty hard to resist the old habits.

Even the phrase “work on it” is always hard for me, probably because when young the premise of working at something frequently backfired, and my safety was to distrust the notion that mere working at something would accomplish anything. Now, if I remember to switch out “working on it” for “playing with options”, that seems to make it easier.

My prob is that even when it seems to go okay with other people, I run into one with red flags—just one—and my old self-protective instincts kick in as if to say DANGER AHEAD, get away. I've developed an inner “helper” that whispers things like “you're okay; safe; wonderful as you are”. This probably sounds hokey to some, but it helps me out, so I stick with it. The push-pull, stumbles, starts and false leads of the inner/outer critic is another hazard that threatens to wear one's resolve to a frazzle.

What I'd like to do is get to a point where the words are only pointers—we learn and forget 'em all anyway. But if we keep absorbing what we do learn, there's hope, and then we incorporate that too; to where it's not just possible to change, we gladly surrender to it. Sounds like your therapist has set a good starting point for you and I wish you well.