Hello! Brand new here

[Ladybug]

I've suffered from brain fog for about 14 years. It has slowly gotten worse over the years. I am now 32 years old. I'd seen many doctors searching for an explanation without much luck until about a year ago, when my new primary care doctor told me she thought I had PTSD from my childhood (although I do also have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, an autoimmune thyroid disease, as well as Adrenal Fatigue. It looks like both of these could be related to the cPTSD though, as well as some Fibromyalgia symptoms like tendon & ligament pain in my arms, neck, shoulders, and back). I did 10 weeks of therapy at the beginning of this year but didn't get far bc the psychologist didnt know about cPTSD, only PTSD. She did identify that I have trouble connecting with people, and I'd have to say she is right. I gave up after 10 weeks of getting nowhere with her. I saw a psychotherapist 5 or so years ago and she recognized the trauma, but I couldn't tap into the feelings so we got nowhere as well. I saw my primary doc this week and she gave me the number to a psychologist that does EMDR therapy so I am going to call her on Monday.

I am so glad I found this group to help support me on my journey with therapy. I am going to post elsewhere in the forum to get advice from anyone who's tried EMDR therapy, or has any other therapy related suggestions.

I was raised by a verbally and emotionally abusive single mother, who I believe has borderline personality disorder. My absentee father is schizophrenic. More on that to come.

[Ladybug]

I wanted to clarify that I believe the brain fog to be dissociation. I am ALWAYS in a fog. I tried grounding myself last winter by doing some grounding exercises over a period of days or weeks and it brought me out of the fog and I was very tearful and didn't know why. I guess it was the suppressed emotions coming up. After a couple of days I think it was too much for me to handle and the fog came back and it hasn't left.

Also, I found the EMDR thread and it was very helpful. I'll make sure to ask if she has experience with cPTSD. I sure hope so, seeing how my last T didn't. I don't want finding someone who can help me to be a challenge.

[schrödinger's cat]

Hi Ladybug! Pleased to meet you. I hope you'll find this forum as helpful as I do. I've lived in my own fog for years, first as a teenager, then again after I was retraumatized in my thirties.

Someone around here mentioned a book - Suzette Boon, Kathy Steel, and Onno van der Hart, "Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists". I haven't ordered it yet, so I don't know if it's any good.

There's a therapist called Pete Walker who specializes in CPTSD. He has CPTSD himself, so he knows what he's talking about. His website has several free articles, and he's also written a book that several people here (me included) have found really helpful. Here's a link to an article you might find of interest: http://www.pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm. A little more than halfway down is a section called "The Freeze Type and the Dissociative Defence", where he says that dissociating starts out as a response to trauma. The articles on "Shrinking the Critic" are also really helpful.

[Rain]

Welcome to the forum, Ladybug.  It sure sounds like you have found the right spot for a "ladybug" to land.   

Nice to meet you, as well.   Thank you for your intro, and I'm sorry for what you went through long ago, and the consequences you live with to this day.

We share our Journey here, and I look forward to hearing about yours, as I share mine as well.

[Kizzie]

Welcome to Out of the Storm Ladybug.  I see you have received a warm welcome and some ideas for what readings you might start with.

Your GP made a good catch there as PTSD often occurs in tandem with CPTSD. It might be helpful if you talk over the notion of CPTSD with your GP though as it explains just that much more, especially with regard to the fog you have been experiencing and possibly why treatment thus far has not done much to help. The article by Dr. Courtois "Understanding Complex Trauma, Complex Reactions, and Treatment Approaches" is quite comprehensive and written in language your GP and T can relate to. http://giftfromwithin.org/html/cptsd-understanding-treatment.html

I look forward to talking with you in the forums and I hope you find the support, information and encouragement you need to help "clear the fog"   

[Ladybug]

So, I still haven't called the therapist. I got busy, and happy (distracted by being busy) and thought maybe I dont need therapy afterall....for awhile. But I know that's not true. So I do need to call. I've never been scared of therapy before, but I think I am this time, otherwise I wouldn't be putting it off. I know it's going to be a lot of work, and I just don't want to give it all my energy.....I'm tired enough as it is! I'm also afraid that it won't work. I'm so dissociated that I don't feel, which caused me to stop therapy before. She kept asking "and how did you feel?" And I could say "scared" but I didn't feel it, and we kept trying but nothing. She thought maybe I was on too much medication (60 mg of cymbalta, the highest dose) and that was why, but I don't think so. I think it's the dissociation. Has anyone ever had better results tapping in to their feelings lowering or stopping antidepressant meds? Maybe that's a Question for another forum topic. If I quit taking them I am usually tearful, plus cymbalta gives me enough energy to get through the day. I don't know if I could do without it. I'm also scared that something bad happened to me as a kid that I don't remember. I don't want anything like that to be uncovered. I guess my mom being emotionally unstable and repeatedly threatening to kill herself could've been enough. My dad wasn't around so I feared Id be left alone, even though my grandparents lived in the same town and were very active in my life. But it just doesn't seem that bad. I wasn't beaten or molested, etc. To me that type of abuse (physical, sexual) seems much worse. I guess I'm seeking encouragement to try therapy again.

[Des]

Hi Ladybug,

I'm new on here too and the CPTSD therapy journey so not sure that I can offer any advice just yet, but just wanted to say Hi and therapy is hard but I think it is slowly paying off and feel it could for you too.

I also have Fibromyalgia and have been told it can relate to CPTSD, who knows if therapy helps, maybe it will help with that too.

People have been incredibly supportive to me on here and I am sure it will be the same for you.

Take Care 
Des