Self Help Activity 1: Review Chpt. One of this ASCA workbook

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C.

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Reminder: In order to honor our group process we ask that only current ASCA workbook group members post and respond here please.  If you would like to join in at this time or a later date please send the moderator a PM.  Thank you.

Note:  Your recovery is unique to you.  These topics and activities are suggestions.  Please feel free to do and respond to those that work for you at this time.

1.   Review the section in Chapter One, "What About Confronting My Abusers?"  Although far from a complete discussion, it highlights some of the complicated issues involved in answering this question.

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Kizzie

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Re: Self Help Activity 1: Review Chpt. One of this ASCA workbook
« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2015, 06:06:58 PM »
When I confronted my FOO in the past it was good for me (speaking up), but the smear campaigns were truly awful to endure.  And my FOO never got it and never will which made the whole process less attractive once I said my peace. 

Anyway, once I realized that they wouldn't change and let go of the last bit of hope they would be who I wanted, needed and deserved I went NC/LC.  So I don't confront directly any more although I still find I have to confront their ghosts from time to time.   

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VeryFoggy

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Re: Self Help Activity 1: Review Chpt. One of this ASCA workbook
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2015, 01:55:02 AM »
I have confronted my father alone in two letters about his present day behavior towards me last March, after the last straw moment, and I asked for him to apologize and commit to do better going forward.  He refused.  And began a smear campaign against me.

My confrontation this time was MUCH, much different.  This time it was about the actual child abuse and the fact that it had warped me personally for life with CPTSD. And I shared it with every living family member who was associated with, participated in, or who had been exposed to his abuse of me whether that was when I was a child or an adult.

So quite possibly my confrontation is a little different than what the workbook is suggesting.  After all, the workbook is NOT about healing from CPTSD, just simple child abuse.

In any case I did this time have to endure a barrage of either attacks, and maybe even worse silence. Narcissistic abuse and families are a terrible awful thing. They literally must choose to either believe me today, or else all of the lies they have ever had to tell themselves. And most are choosing the lies.

But I comfort myself that what I am doing is biblical. That if your bother sins against you, then you tell him privately, and if he will not repent you take another brother (my therapist who is a minister) and you confront him the two of you.  And if he still will not repent you take the confrontation to the whole congregation. That last step will probably not be taken.  Including the whole family was confrontation enough. I don't think I could endure another step.

But it has crossed my mind.  What if it doesn't stop?  What if they KEEP escalating, and start making false reports for example to CPS about my grandson? What if they start something I can't even imagine yet?  What will I do then? I have already decided, that if ANYTHING is done? I will contact my parents attorney with my all of my evidence. And see if he can talk sense into them. And the last and  final step would be contacting my father's congregation to see if they will confront him.

It's really sad. To think of these things. But I deserve to live in peace. I am equally valuable in "His" eyes. And he expects me to take care of what I was given I think.


« Last Edit: June 27, 2015, 03:30:58 AM by VeryFoggy »