Hi and questions ( may trigger)

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poppyred

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Hi and questions ( may trigger)
« on: June 24, 2015, 10:13:07 PM »
Hi,
I'm 42 and have just finally had a diagnosis of CPTSD, after my psychiatrist didn't want to label me initially, I've also in addition been diagnosed BPD on the high functioning scale and I'm just about to start ERDBT with a MHN, there are a lot of scary initials in this diagnosis and I'm struggling with the fallout of the diagnosis.
Historically I seem to be typical for both conditions, sexually abused by a step brother (A)from 8-14, emotionally abused by a mother who didn't want to believe "her son" would do that and that "it doesn't matter what he done he'll always be my son" doesn't seem to realise that I'm her daughter..
My dad was always me and you against mum and the boys ( I had a younger brother) lots of family trauma, fights and arguments but he always pushed me to be better, education, work hard and you'll achieve anything.
Finally broke down at 36 when Dad died and I told my mum everything I suspected and about what had happened with A, and she told me that she knew what had happened and that I was right when I said I suspected dad had abused A, I was sure I'd witnessed it but couldn't really remember if it was a reality or a dream.
She told me the man I looked up to and worked so hard to prove I was the best was a paedophile who liked boys, and had abused A for 3 years. Dad confessed to her what he'd done after the night I caught him, it was real.. She decided to stay in the family as she didn't want to be a single mum with 3 kids, she didn't go to the police or anything, she knew A was abusing me and I wasn't the only one, and she still did nothing because she didn't want it to "shame us" while we were growing up, which meant A was free to continue to abuse me for 3 more years, culminating in bringing a friend home from the army and allowing him to have sex with me.
Struggling now with crap emotional problems which are impacting on my work and may have just lost me a new job, I finally broke down with my MHN and told him everything today
He told me what to expect in therapy for the next 12 months I'm seeing him on a fortnightly basis ( 30 sessions altogether) and then I'm going for further intensive therapy with a view to long term care after that. They are talking about years of therapy.

So first question, is it common to have BPD with CPTSD or are they separate conditions that require different therapies.

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mourningdove

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Re: Hi and questions ( may trigger)
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2015, 07:06:09 PM »
Welcome, poppyred  :wave:

I am so sorry for what you went through in your family of origin. What a sad and terrifying story. There is no excuse for what they did. My heart goes out to you and to the innocent child you were.

I second BeHea1thy's breakdown of the typical treatments for CPTSD and BPD. The question of whether or not they are separate conditions depends on whom you ask. I would say, along with Judith Herman (the original proponent of the CPTSD diagnosis), that people who have been labeled "borderline" are a subset of the CPTSD suffering population. You can read some pertinent quotes from her book Trauma and Recovery here if you're interested: http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=19.msg7938#msg7938.

I am glad you found this place and hope you can get some benefit from it.  :hug:



« Last Edit: June 25, 2015, 07:10:45 PM by mourningdove »

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Hi and questions ( may trigger)
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2015, 07:39:04 PM »
I bought a book on borderline parent ( think my mother has bpd
And it was explaining how the children can present with some of the symptoms and I could relate when I read how ...
I don't feel I have bpd I know I truly feel I have cptsd


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poppyred

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Re: Hi and questions ( may trigger)
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2015, 09:24:45 PM »
Thank you for the information, I appreciate the response,
I've spoken to my MHN nurse again today, I'm very grateful he's open to me and I can contact him by email when I need to.
I explained that I was a bit shaken by the diagnosis this week although I was beginning to suspect that's where they were going.
I think I'm one of the lucky ones who has a solid psychiatrist (G) who listens to me and recognises that even though I have these problems I am a professional colleague and works hard for me, I have a fantastic MHN (D) who I've known both professionally and personally for 19 years, and I now have a psychologist (E) who is happy to work with my MHN to plan for the intensive care I've been referred for but has a waiting list of 16 months.
We chatted about the dual diagnosis and D said that I have been diagnosed with emotional recognition disorder which will be the "new name" for BPD in the future but is not formally recognised yet, he's going to spend the next year doing emotional recognition DBT as prep work for the CPTSD treatment next year, we are going to look at mindfulness, Understanding and recognising emotions, Reduce emotional vulnerability and Decrease emotional suffering, which I think is common for DBT, but D and E feel I need to start with to prepare for next year.
The hardest thing is realising this is it for now and I have no option but to do it and do it right otherwise the consequences will be devastating for my family. 
It's just so hard and tiring and trying to maintain a front at work, I have a dual role as a nurse and uni lecturer and I'm currently at uni full time due to the fact my psych and occupational health Dr feels I wouldn't be safe on the ward at the minute due to my MH,
I'm sick of being scared, tired and sad

so next question, What are your coping strategies for those times you feel really down?
« Last Edit: June 25, 2015, 09:26:42 PM by poppyred »

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Hi and questions ( may trigger)
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2015, 05:59:58 AM »
Hi
I work as a nurse too and have just been at uni -- things hit a bottom for me last yr and I had to put my health first - I now work a 4 day wk and have limitations re shifts due to occ health which I am very grateful for --

It sounds you are getting a good support system and good thorough therapeutic work -- that's really refreshing to hear
I just completed 12 wks with a trauma specialist and we did some really effective work along the lines you speak of --

I think it is good that bpd is being renamed ( I heard that too here in the UK ) and when the symptoms are looked at the name is not that significant - it's dealing with the symptoms that is - as we know

Re you spoke of having to do the therapy and do it right - for me one of my traits is putting a lot of pressure on myself ( no one seems to have the high expectations for me that I do ) .. And I have been working on this lately the all and nothing thinking - and so when it came to the therapy I just went with it - worked on things but kept it simple - and kept some notes for later when I could continue on the work -- if u are doing it over a long period it will probably be taken at a slow pace and time to incorporate -- speak to therapist about the fears
For me it's about taking pressure off not putting more on
Re work -- I just sat with myself and asked the truth inside myself what can I cope with - what truly feels manageable for me --
I was scared when I went to a 4 day wk but it was the best thing that happened - it feels manageable
And that is what it is about - having enough time for me -- priority no 1 - I found when I had this attitude the rest fell into place -
We come from an environment where we are overly responsible and didn't learn skills to put our selves and our needs first
Coping when feeling down --
Writing is good for me - just free flow writing - no judgement
And scrawling pictures - what is it that is bothering me - am I angry ? Do I need something ? What feels too much ? Speak to others about what feels too much
Rest - no 1 priority - get regular sleep -
Meditation helps me a lot - I do it everyday - there is an app called headspace ( mindfulness meditation and the 1st level can get free ! It's very good I play it everywhere on the bus etc
Doing something I really enjoy - this has been important - finding a space in the wk to do something I enjoy - something where I can let go of worries and concerns
And most importantly tuning into me and what I need - to have lots of space where I am not giving out- focusing on me - asking for help and being honest with others - putting on an act is no good for me it leads me to feel further alienated - people are understanding if I let them know -
And not being too isolated - being at uni can be isolating esp if not connected to a group of people ie return as post grad
Is there a hobby/ interest group I can join to meet like minded people ?

I wish u all the best
Often for me feeling tired out and sad are indicators that I just turn the focus on looking after me - the demands of the world still go on - but I have learnt that little me doesn't run the world :)