about to start therapy in 2 parts

[poppyred]

I've moved this from the introduction page to here as I have a few questions and they fit better here.

So I'm about to start a 2 pronged approach to therapy, part 1 starts on Wednesday and from reading other posts I seem to have hit the proverbial pot of gold when it comes to therapists.
Dave is someone I've know personally and professionally for 20 years, I have seen him before in 2008 when I had my first episode of severe depression and suicidal ideation. He worked with me through that episode so I know he knows the basics and I don't have to go through it all again.

This time I have a new psychiatrist who has been pivotal in the diagnosis I've just had and for once I have a psychiatrist who is not precious and willing to work with my mental health nurse, she has been very open with him and given all the relevant information, and because she wants me to see a trauma psychologist they are all working together to do the prep work.
My current waiting list for trauma therapy is 13 months, but everyone feel I need some prep work on describing and recognising emotions and to be able to verbalise these emotions in a safe place.

This therapy will take the form of modified DBT, where I'll be working 1-1 with Dave for a 30 part therapy approach, which will take somewhere between 60 - 80  weeks to complete (fortnightly appointments) then I will work solely with the trauma psychologist and lose Dave which is a scary thought, I will then be with Eamonn for a minimum of 60 sessions spanning 1-3 years depending how I respond. Then I will have maintenance therapy for up to 5 years, I have been told this is likely to be 4-9 years depending on my response.. I am totally overwhelmed by the thought of it.

As part of the therapy prep I was advised to read the Pete Walker book, I have, I can see me in the whole book, I just have a real problem with "think positive", "do this",  "feel that" I just can't make it happen, in my head the feelings are flat, emotionless, I can talk about the most horrific abuse I had without flinching, I can talk to the man who abused me without crying, wanting to do anything, it just doesn't impact on me.

I can't tell when I'm winding up, or if I'm about to self sabotage, I can't tell if I'm happy, I'm not sure what happy is, I don't now how to describe how I feel about the abuse, or the abuser, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel when I talk to my mum or about my dad. I can't even tell you honestly that I love my husband and children, I'm not sure that what I feel is love.

The first questions: How in heavens name an I supposed to start a form of counselling that wants me to do emotions, when I don't have an internal barometer for right/wrong/good/bad emotional responses?

The next: Does anyone have help about how DBT works and what I'm likely to cover in the sessions

Thanks
Poppy