So it wasn't all my fault...

[thegirlintheattic]

Hi,

I've been reading these posts and seeing so much that I can relate to.   I've been so ashamed of my experiences and I'm just now beginning to understand that maybe, just maybe, it all wasn't my fault.  And maybe it's OK to have my own feelings.  And maybe I'm not crazy.  It's almost like coming out of brainwashing.  I just ordered the Paul Walker book. Thanks to everyone for sharing! 

[VeryFoggy]

Welcome thegirlintheattic! So so glad you found your way here and I hope that you will find some peace and understanding.

And so accurate for me what you said. For me personally?  it's not "like" coming out of brainwashing?  It is coming out of brainwashing and even more? Taking the next steps at reprogramming my brain to think normally.  It is proving to be an obstinate creature, as even though I have been identifying, fighting and reprogramming the brainwashing for well over a year and almost exclusively?  I STILL find myself slipping into those old self doubt patterns and not always trusting my gut.

It is okay to have feelings, your own feelings, and you are not crazy.

We are so very glad to have you and look around and post where it feels comfortable to you!

[Kizzie]

You're not crazy, you definitely have a right to your feelings and you are very welcome here! 

You have hit the nail right smack on the head when you describe living with abusers (in my case personality disordered family) as being brainwashed.  If they can get us to bear the burden of being the crazy, abuse-deserving child/adult then it's an open door for them. 

Pete Walker's book is great although many of us find we have to take it in small chunks as we adjust to the idea that we have CPTSD. He also has a web site if you haven't already seen it - http://www.pete-walker.com/.

If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask, otherwise please feel free to have a look around and post in any of the forums that seem relevant to you.