Acceptance and Love

[Sandals]

Rain - I love this.   I am on a similar path.

[Bluevermonter]

Hi, rain and everyone else.  Happy to answer your question.  I saw both mom and grandmother cry on many occasions.

GM cried when GF died.  He was in his 70s at the time, although I never saw them be affectionate or even interact w each other.  Very odd since I lived upstairs w my mom in their New England double-decker for about 15 years when GF passed.

GM cried when her cat died--really mourned him.

GM cried when the real crazy daughter (#2 of 4) died.  My aunt was in her 70s at the time and GM over 100.  Aunt was the least of the lesser children.  I do believe her tears were legitimate. 

My mom cried when various of her cats cats died.  When she thought about her grandson who has asberger's.  When she thought about death of crazy aunt, which she felt responsible for.  Cried when her mom died.

But mostly, she cried for many months after my dad died.  She was 42; dad was 46.  This was back in the 60s.  Me and my sibs were 5, 10, and 15.  She had a lot to cry about and no resources for grieving at that time.

Knowing my own triggers for tearing up, I guess that we share a low level depression which minimum dose of anti-d cures.   Couldn't get mom to try though due to stigma of depression.

So I have the example set for me when tragedy strikes.  GM could really bawl, though.  While I have cried a lot like that over the end of my r/s, I have done so in private, not bawling at the funeral home.

Not knocking my GM, but she is an extrovert so maybe that explains.

[Bluevermonter]

I can't imagine someone not crying, rain.  Did anyone else in your fam not cry?  My family origin is Italian, so that explains at lot of the over-emoting.   GF immigrated here at 13; and my GM's father died when she was about 6.  GM was born in U.S. in 1890s, FYI.

In this century, we know the damage done when teenagers have little family support like my GF, who came over w his brothers who were not much older.  My GM married my GF when she was 15, so now we have a teenager not ready to be a mother and wife.  Her first child was born when GM was about 20.  Within 12 years she had 6 children, of whom only 4 survived.

My GM's mother sounds as if she was normal, but also a single mother w 3 children under 6 when GGF died.

So love and acceptance under all those circumstances? Hard for any normal person to come out clean, I guess.

When I visit their graves, I shed a tear and shake my fist.

On this Thanksgiving, I will remember them, and remember to make my own way.

[Sandals]

I am very low on the crying scale. It's not that I never cry, it just doesn't happen a lot. And I wish it did more, it's very healthy and healing. I don't know when it happened that I started to not cry, but suspect that it was several years into my marriage, as I do remember tears in the early years.

[Badmemories]

I do not think I cried for 59 years.. I came from a cold northern german type of family. It  was either MAD or Glad! The parenting did not help either. Funny Mom was going crazy at the noise that the GD's were making at Thanksgiving. They were NOT to loud just normal children noises.  Maybe that was why She'd say If YOU don't stop crying I am going to give You something to cry about.! I notice that the children noise bothers me more when I am stressed out! Then She told me several times that I was talking too loud. I do have a cold... and maybe My hearing was a little clogged, but I do not think I was talking to loud.. After doing the sensitive person self test I have been thinking that She might just be a sensitive person.

Always I was afraid to cry I felt like I was going to start and with all the grief in My life that I'd start crying and not be able to stop! I did cry during 2 crises that happened when I was in out patient treatment.. Maybe I felt safe!  .  I am the type of person who cries at the drop of the hat at movies and in church. I used to embarrass my children when that happened. I think that is different though... Now I am crying for Myself. I do think It is very healing.... Another disappointment with the Therapy I have had... things that would have helped me sooner with My mental illness!

Keep on keeping on! 

[alovelycreature]

This thread has gone in an interesting direction! My Mom never cried either. Even when my grandma died who we were both close with. The only time I think I saw her cry (and it was only really one or two tears) is when I put myself in a situation that put my life in danger in high school. Even then it was more, "What the F do you think you're doing!?" Is this behavior also called "cold German orgin?" Haha.

I used to never cry either! It was all anger and rage. I started crying when I started having panic attacks because I thought I was dying. Now I'm water works for happiness, sadness, or really anything that seems intense. I'm definitely a HSP. I'm sure many HSP have some repression issues regarding emotions and NP parents.