Self Help Activity 4: Self-help becomes second nature

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C.

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Self Help Activity 4: Self-help becomes second nature
« on: July 05, 2015, 07:29:07 PM »
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4.   This is the last self-help step you will need in this recovery program. By Step Twenty, helping yourself will be almost second nature!

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VeryFoggy

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Re: Self Help Activity 4: Self-help becomes second nature
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2015, 01:50:24 AM »
I had a very strange "nature" experience this evening and I am still amazed by it. I was in my pool reading a book when  I saw a wasp struggling.  Its wings had gotten wet, and it was struggling. I normally don't save wasps.  I hate them, but I took pity and threw it out.  The silly thing then stood on the edge of the pool doing head stands and eventually fell right back in!  Well I resolved to not save it anymore. I had tried, but I forgot to keep an eye on it. 

But I found it. Somehow it had climbed out of the water onto me!  I felt something on my neck and I instantly knew what it was, so as I brushed at it to try to get it off of me,  it did what nature has programmed it to do. It stung me in the neck! Ow!  It still stings!

But I certainly did not attempt to rescue it again!  He is still in the pool struggling.  I gave him a chance at life and he squandered it and then stung me for my trouble.

This feels profound and exemplifies self help to me. I will always give people a chance?  Even if I know they have stingers and might try to hurt me? I will probably never be able to stop myself from doing that? Giving them one chance?   But if they sting me in the neck after I give them a chance?  Then I am going to leave them alone!

I don't know why this happened to me tonight, and I usually do get stung about once a year.  Hello, water equals wasps that they need to build their nests.  But this was definitely the weirdest experience with getting stung I have ever had.

And I do think everything happens for a reason. So maybe someday I will even learn to stop trying to help wasps become nice people who appreciate what you do for them. I will learn to look and see.  And say to myself, No, you are a wasp and I know what they do.  I know you cannot help it?  But I am not going to let you do it to me, so I am not going to try to help you.

It has been a terrible lesson to learn, and one I did not want to learn. But love does not always conquer all. But I cannot keep sacrificing myself for people who just want to sting me. That is NOT my purpose for being on earth.

And my neck still stings as a reminder!


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C.

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Re: Self Help Activity 4: Self-help becomes second nature
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2015, 03:49:22 AM »
What a profound metaphor.  You mention why did this mean so much tonight.  You've been stung before.  All I can think is that many times my happiness or understanding happen when I am fully conscience and able to "see" clearly.  It's like this parallel world of truth is happening, but so often I get busy and don't see the meaning in life, but it was still there.  I wonder if that's what happened to you tonight?  Perhaps on so many levels you are now seeing the world and the truth.  And it's invigorating, empowering.  Sometimes painful too.  But you can see and it's a wonderful feeling.

On a side not I've always admired mother wasp's ability to protect.  The way they stay alert next to the newly laid eggs is beautiful and frightening.  Woe betide anyone who threatens that young one.  She will attack and sting w/o asking questions.  Perhaps we could all benefit from having a mother w/wasp instincts to protect us.  Perhaps we didn't experience that as children but it seems many of us provide that type of protection for our own children.

Nature provides many wonderful examples of life's lessons.  Thanks for the reminder.  I am going to try to keep my eyes open to those possibilities this week.

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VeryFoggy

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Re: Self Help Activity 4: Self-help becomes second nature
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2015, 08:33:49 PM »
So funny C! 

Yes!  It was exactly like somebody was whispering in my ear, "Look hard head, you can't make a wasp over into something they were just not meant to be! Nor can you make certain people over either!  They are who they were meant to be. And sadly you must accept that some of them are wasps!"

And I really don't know if self help will ever become second nature. Because it is still a process I am learning and I do it with distaste and repugnance at having to act in ways that feel completely unnatural. However I have to say, it works.  It is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to learn to do for myself. And I still doubt I could actually use it on people who trigger me.  But for those who don't, like my son, I am having incredible results. When I stick to my guns.

He did a no-no the other the night and had someone female sleep over without my knowledge. That evening I simply said to him no  friends can sleep over.  That is my rule, He tried his usual tactics, name calling belittling, making fun, tried to entice me to argue.  But, I refused to be distracted or diverted, and I just kept repeating "My house, my rules, no friends may sleep over." And he finally gave up!  And he said okay, I understand.

I think that was a first. But not getting distracted and diverted into JADE takes MONUMENTAL effort on my part.

But when past experiences of sleep overs are prescription drugs, liquor, and money and credit cards go missing?  And my property gets damaged when they get in a fight?  And I am awakened and informed that their fight is physical, and the female wants me to come downstairs and stop it? And when I have found illegal drugs on my countertops in the mornings, and these two in particular have been hospitalized together for both overdosing at the same time?  Not to mention the experiment they did in my bathtub?   Then I would be insane to allow any more sleep over ever!

And I reminded myself of all of those things again this morning. My house, my rules, no sleep overs.

Boundaries are the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. But I do hope it gets easier.