C-PTSD triggered for 17 years

[fish]

Awaiting EMDR for c-ptsd, have been since 2012, need some help bigtime, people have been winding me up all my life, you just needed to give me abuse and laugh at me and I'd react to it everytime, people KNOW I've had some sort of complex , people thought I was going mad and they still did it, I just stood there and took it, beat up a huge  bouncer one night after my revalation and I then left my home town as surprisingly enough I'm more than angry. 17 years of a whole town ripping you to shreads everywhere you go... well its over, the memories are returning :@

Not had time to scout about yet, so pointing to useful links or well wishes welcome...

Can't believe how evil people are

[VeryFoggy]

Fish, welcome and I am so sorry for what you have been going through.  I hope that getting away from the triggers will bring you some peace and calm that those of us who suffer CPTSD all suffer from. Most of us simply cannot hope for much improvement as long as we are in the triggered state.

It's good news that you are going to get some help through EMDR therapy.  I have heard a lot of good things about it, but never been treated with it personally.  Though I remain curious.

You asked for some links or recommendations. On this site I would probably recommend the forum CPTSD and Us  along with Our Relationships With Others as a good place to start reading others stories, and see if any of it is relevant to you.

Also if you haven't yet I definitely recommend reading Pete Walker's book 'Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.'  This is sort of our bible and he just really cover s a tremendous amount of information about what we are experiencing and ways to address it.

Some other writer's books that I have found very helpful are pretty much anything written by Patricia Evans. The ones I found helpful: Controlling People, The Verbally Abusive Relationship and Victory Over Verbal Abuse. Also John Bradshaw, Healing The Shame That Binds You. Also very helpful in a practical way: Respect Me Rules written by The Marshalls a brother and sister team.

Anyway welcome!  And I am  so glad you found us and I wish you peace healing and safety. 

[mourningdove]

Welcome, fish!

I'm sorry the people in your hometown treated you so badly. I have found this to be a very safe place and I hope you can find some respite here. 

[Kizzie]

Hi Fish     Welcome to OOTS.  I see that VeryFoggy has given you some suggestions.  Pete Walker 's book is really helpful and there is a section there on "angering" that you may find particular relevant since you have realized what you've been caught up in for so long and the anger is coming to the surface.  He recommends letting the anger out in safe, emotionally healthy ways and then moving into grief work for all you have endured and lost. 

There are healthy people out there too, it's just hard to realize until the storm begins to subside.   

[migrator]

Hello Fish,

I've been getting emdr for a few months after 5 decades of living with constant anxiety and sleep problems. It is working for me: so far the symptoms are improving, better sleep and less anxiety.

Best wishes for your recovery journey.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hooray ! Broke free

Welcome

This forum helps me a lot

[fish]

Thanks guys, still waiting on emdr therapy, how would you go about getting a diagnosis?