Therapist who 'terminated' me

[thegirlintheattic]

hey lovely people

has anyone ever had a therapist suddenly stop sessions or stop returning phone calls?

I didn't know, but actually this is a really unethical thing for a psychotherapist (at least in my state) to do. 

I've had it happen once, and it also happened to my ex when we were together.  I still think about how it happened to me.  It was pretty weird.  I was taking psychic development classes at the time, and so I was all about trusting my intuition.  My therapist told me she had a death in her family, and I told her that I had a feeling that had happened (because I did, I got a very strong sense that someone in her life was passing).  Then she said she'd decided to divide her client files into 2 piles: one pile was people she'd continue to see, the other pile was people who she was referring out.  I was in the referring out pile.  I asked, since she was still keeping a practice going, if I would be able to ever see her in the future?  Maybe she couldn't see me every  week, but surely, every now and then if I needed a session?  She said, "don't call me."  Then she wouldn't send my records or even talk about what we'd covered with my next therapist.  After months of not returning her calls, the only thing she would say to my next therapist was "I admired her spirit." 

Like I said before, I didn't know at the time how unethical she was.  I felt so ashamed and completely blamed myself.  I think I even wondered if she somehow thought I was responsible for her loved one's death.  Even now, as I think about it, it doesn't really make sense to me.  I think about other things she said to me, like once how she said that I was wanting "perfect empathy" (as if this was too much to ask of her), and I really wonder about her.  She's an older woman, and she always stressed how much experience she had.  At our first meeting, she said I was lucky to have her as a therapist because of all of her experience.  I just wonder why she was a therapist, and what she thought she was doing. 

My current therapist says that she was cruel to me, maybe because she could be?  And that it's a testament to my desire to heal that I continued seeking therapy after that. 

Anyways, it was really messed up, I feel protective now of people who are in therapy because man, it's so vulnerable to be in the position of spilling your guts to someone who you respect and who you are trusting to have your best interests at heart.  I also hope this message doesn't scare anyone from seeking treatment.  There are really good clinicians out there too. 

[C.]

I have not had that experience myself.  The opposite really, a therapist who was re-traumitizing me by her behavior wanted to talk w/me and I was done.  I'd found a skillful therapist.

I'm responding b/c of what you said about her not releasing your file documents.  That's problematic and illegal in my state as I understand the law and patient rights.

I'm intuitive to and have dreamed things that later occurred several times.  In fact I even confided in one person w/several so that someone would know I'd "seen" it before it happened.  This hasn't happened to me a lot, just a few times and I attribute it to intuition plus a highly developed C-PTSD brain that subconsciously assesses so many situations and I don't even realize it until I'm asleep.

There are licensing boards in each state (if this is the US) so I think that you could contact them and file a complaint about her not releasing your records.  Plus put everything in writing to her and them.  In my case I decided that my recovery was more important  and I didn't have the energy to pursue a complaint.  I did however leave her a couple of voice mail messages as I became healthier explaining what had gone wrong from my perspective.  That allowed me to assert myself which promoted healing, but didn't draw out the painful experience any longer.

Thanks for sharing your experience and making efforts to learn.  I love what your T. said about your commitment to healing.  It sounds like your current therapist is wise and helping you process that unpleasant experience.  Plus your compassion and understanding for others going through a therapeutic process.

[thegirlintheattic]

Hi C.,
Your appreciation means a lot to me!  Sometimes it's easier for me to feel protective of other people than it is for me to feel compassionately towards myself, and I like how you noticed the good in me.  That's an antidote, for sure, to the shame I've felt about the relationship with that therapist.  Also, it feels good that you wrote about your own experiences with being intuitive, and your own struggles with a therapist.   

Honestly, at this point I don't think I'd even want to read the records she kept on me (I mean, if she even kept records, I think maybe her hedging is possibly because she neglected to do so).  But I'm thinking I might make a formal request, like you said, just so if there is anything, at least I'll have that little piece of me in my possession.  I was going through a hard time when I saw that therapist, had some really hard things happen to me, and if I think about it like "something that happened to this young woman", then I feel like that young woman deserves her records.  I'd be scared, actually, that whatever she recorded about me would be hurtful to read.  I mean, obviously, she didn't think much of me if that's how she chose to 'terminate' our 2 year relationship.  But maybe I'll get the records and instead of reading them, I'll make a nice little shrine out of them.  The question is what would it be shrine too?

[C.]

Haha I love your mix of wisdom an humor.  Thanks for your response.  You could also simply have your T hold the records and decide what/if there are parts for you to read that would be useful.  I'm sure that whatever you decide that will work for you.  I wish you the best.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Therapists have there own stuff too ! It's just how progressed they are hey

I wouldn't take it personally - hard as that is -

Probably good for you that it ended

Re the psychic stuff - I have always found it better not to say stuff to people unless they ask - it can really freak people out

Regards and did u move on to another therapist ?