Just had the worst therapy

[no_more_fear]

Hi all,

So I thought I'd try a new T, so went for my first session with her today. I already have a T who I've seen about five times, but this new one was cheaper, so I thought I'd give her a try as the first session was free. Well, she actually told me that she no longer offers free first consultations, but that's not true because it still says so on her internet page.

Anyway, when I started going through my childhood she audibly gasped several times, shaking her head etc. She then said that mine was the worst case of emotional abuse she'd ever heard of. Shen can't have heard of much surely!? I told her that her saying that wasn't at all helpful because it made me feel like my case is hopeless. It also felt like she was sensationalizing my case and I had the distinct impression that my history would make a great topic of conversation for her at dinner parties! She also said that I sounded like I had a breathing illness, which has now made me worry because I used to smoke.

This was bad therapy, right? I mean a therapist isn't supposed to make their feelings known one way or the other are they? Plus she said I'd feel much better in only 6-12 sessions, but this type of thing takes years, doesn't it?

The whole thing has sent me into a FB anyway. I'm FBing to a time when I couldn't stand up for myself.

All I keep thinking is, why was I so stupid to try a new T when I've already got a good one, even if she is a bit more expensive? I'm definitely sticking with my old T, although at this point I feel like throwing the towel in.

[Dutch Uncle]

Hello no_more_guilt,

what a horrible experience for you.
And what a horrible T you encountered. Good riddance!

I think you are very brave for trying another T. Yes, costs are a factor, so good of you to shop around. I don't think you are stupid at all.

I'm so sorry you have had this experience, don't take it out on yourself. You have made a very reasonable decision to check this T out.

I wish you many happy returns to your old T.

, Hysperger.

[no_more_fear]

Thank you, Hysperger. You're completely right, compassion is the key. I need to be kind to myself and realise I was only shopping around. You see my current T was the first I had tried and I thought I should really have met with a few before I fully comitted. Now I realise I was just lucky to have found her so quickly and will defiitely stick with her, regardless of the cost.

Thank you again. You've really helped. 

[NyxBean]

Wow, that really sounds awful. I'm not saying you need to do this as this will have stressed you out a great deal but is there any way to somehow report this and anybody who can do that for you if you are unable? She'll be harming many people with this and while it is definitely not up to you to save them, I would even like to assist in finding a way to at least make others aware, if not some sort of action.

I don't know what country you are in (didn't press to see your profile yet) but I'm assuming you are in the States? I guess it might be more difficult to do anything, if so.

If you can afford it, I definitely think you should keep with the original T, although I can completely understand wanting to save money. I don't think you were being stupid - you were trying to save on your cash outflow!

The therapists I have seen are all psychologists and you are right in saying they are not really supposed to make their feelings known, at least unprompted. Even then they are very careful about what they say and seem to make it as vague and tenuous as possible. Since (at least here) they can't diagnose, saying anything like that would be reckless and even a psychiatrist should be looking objectively.

As for the session length... I'm getting seen through my country's national health service which could mean they give me 6 - 12 sessions of CBT and send me on my way. They are getting less and less funding. I highly doubt that anybody with real issues will be instantly better after that, and I think many wind up seeing a community psychiatric nurse after that, who tend to be a bit more personal.

It seems like Hysperger has already helped you in self-compassion but I thought my extra post might be a bit of an added... support? I don't know, my brain's all gooey today.

[no_more_fear]

Wow, that really sounds awful. I'm not saying you need to do this as this will have stressed you out a great deal but is there any way to somehow report this and anybody who can do that for you if you are unable? She'll be harming many people with this and while it is definitely not up to you to save them, I would even like to assist in finding a way to at least make others aware, if not some sort of action.

I don't know what country you are in (didn't press to see your profile yet) but I'm assuming you are in the States? I guess it might be more difficult to do anything, if so.

If you can afford it, I definitely think you should keep with the original T, although I can completely understand wanting to save money. I don't think you were being stupid - you were trying to save on your cash outflow!

The therapists I have seen are all psychologists and you are right in saying they are not really supposed to make their feelings known, at least unprompted. Even then they are very careful about what they say and seem to make it as vague and tenuous as possible. Since (at least here) they can't diagnose, saying anything like that would be reckless and even a psychiatrist should be looking objectively.

As for the session length... I'm getting seen through my country's national health service which could mean they give me 6 - 12 sessions of CBT and send me on my way. They are getting less and less funding. I highly doubt that anybody with real issues will be instantly better after that, and I think many wind up seeing a community psychiatric nurse after that, who tend to be a bit more personal.

It seems like Hysperger has already helped you in self-compassion but I thought my extra post might be a bit of an added... support? I don't know, my brain's all gooey today.

Nyxbean, sorry that I just saw your post and am only replying. Thank you for your words and support, they mean a lot. I'm in the U.K and have too thought of reporting her and have started looking into it and will continue to do so.

All this therapy stuff is a nightmare and I'm going through the worst time at the moment. I had that terrible therapy session on Friday and then last night I phoned my original T and told her I wouldn't be seeing her again. I had a really good think about things, and although my original T was well-meaning, she was directing me towrds self-blame and I recognised the feelings I got after my sessions with her as intense shame. She kept painting my FOO in a positive light and although the new T shouldn't have said it was the worst case of emotional abuse she'd ever heard of, I do need some kind of recognition that I suffered abuse, don't I? My original T made me feel as if everything was my fault and I began thinking that I was inherently unlovable and deserved everythinng I got. I understand her well-meaning technique and that I should take blame for my current problems, but surely that type of thing should come later? My original T wouldn't look at my childhood issues either, refused to believe that EF's were real and confused the inner/outer critic and wouldn't consider shame. I know in my gut that I was trapped in the relationship with her because it was a re-enactmment of past trauma and I'd morphed her into a mother figure in my head.

I know in my heart that I was completely correct ending my sessions with her, but now I've been launched into a killer of an EF as I felt she was someone I had, even though my logical brain tells me I was only ever her client and our relationship was professional. I feel so hopeless at the minute and feel like I have no-one and nothing and will never be able to find a decent T.

[SadieMist]

Wow.  So sorry to hear about your bad experience.  Very unprofessional. That sounds horrible.  I certainly wouldn't go back.