Stopping an EF in it's tracks

[no_more_fear]

Hi all,

I'm sorry if this issue has already been raised, but I tried searching and couldn't find a reference to it.

I was just wondering how people stop their EF's? I've tried the Pete Walker steps to managing a FB many times, but it doesn't seem to do much good.

The only thing that seems to work for me is finding out what triggered the particular one I'm in. For instance, I was in an extended one for days and until just now when I worked out that it was the anniversary of a certain event that triggered my CPTSD, it wouldn't stop. It was actualy THE event that triggered my CPTSD.

[no_more_fear]

Actually the Pete Walker steps are helping. The reason they weren't before is because I wasn't following them by allowing myself to be the victim of unfair behaviour again. I was re-enacting my trauma again at the hands of a therpist who was shaming me. Now that I've let that part of me be heard, the steps very much working.

[sasha~]

Thank you for the original post and the update - it's really hlepful and I'm so glad the steps are working. 

[no_more_fear]

Thanks, Sasha.

[Butterfly]

For me practicing mindfulness and deep breathing has worked to help calm me some enough to focus. Hope you're doing better these days.

[Indigochild]

I know we want to stop them. But do you think that we are exprreiencing them for a reason
I do. Its like the mind is releasing memories from the past, weather that be only feelings (emotional flashbacks), and i know it doest feel like a release.

I think its the mind / past / inner child that has been triggered and is remembering some painful stuff. She is trying to tell us something abut the past and also abut the situation we are in today, as we still have the feelings we had as a child.

Its frustrating i know, that you dont always know what the flashback is flashing back to, and its frustrating when you cant work anything out from having the flashback and cant learn anything from it.

Me we should stop them unless we are getting help for them and the issues.
I want them to stop, but think my inner child is trying to protect me, even if it is not in accordance with what is actually happening now, ie. i am safe now...my T said sometimes it is about the present that is bothering us for good reason, but that it also reminds us of the past.

[Dutch Uncle]

my T said sometimes it is about the present that is bothering us for good reason, but that it also reminds us of the past.

One of the most revealing thoughts/realizations I have had during this time of coming Out of the FOG (a process that started 4 years ago and is still continuing) was: "It's not that I struggle with what has happened/my past in my dysfunctional FOO, but that I struggle with the ever continuing dysfunctionality in my FOO."
So yes, I agree wholeheartedly with your T's statement that it is about "the present that is bothering us for good reason". And it has been the same in the past, and I have never learned then to act adequately. And/or my adequate responses (perhaps even intuitive/natural responses) then were suppressed, so I lost the ability/will to use them, even now.

[KayFly]

I've been struggling with this too, but I agree with Indigo. It's happening for a reason, even if it really sucks. It helped me to hear that this morning since EF's have become so prominent lately in my healing.

I also try to practice deep breathing when EF's are happening, like Butterfly says. Good advice. It helps to not let my lid flip while i am in a situation where I need to be there.

I feel like our inner child is needing to express something that has happened. I wanted to just stop all of my EF's before, but I feel like it's my inner child trying to speak out almost, as my body tells the story of what happened, and I can't, won't suppress it any further. So I allow them, though I am not really good at the management of them yet. I think that will come with time and practice.

I feel like Pete Walker's steps are more for working through and managing the EF's, rather than stopping them.  They need to be expressed IMO...

I'm going through them a lot lately too. I hope your EF management gets better and easier, and I hope you feel better now.

Best,

K

[Annegirl]

I just forget i'm in an EF because it feels so constant. I have tried to stop it but the memory of some events just bring on more shame and  guilt and hatred of myself its like a circle, the more i try to stop it the more it makes me think and feel the EF. This is what I am struggling with at the moment. Its a good point, was it Indigo who said maybe we are experiencing them for a reason? but i feel we should stop it because it is counter productive and like a rut we need to get out of to be able to grow and connect with the people around us.

[woodsgnome]

One time I was driving, and this powerful song came across the radio by a singer I'd never heard of before. After just a few of the words, I had to pull over and take it all in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlaoR5m4L80

I've always felt haunted by EF's flashing in and out, back and around, no matter what I'd try in an attempt to stop them. I'm sure there's a reason, as was said, and they're painful with a natural instinct to want them to stop. They don't, we wonder, but maybe it really can only be the mystery laid out in the song.

[Dutch Uncle]

Love it! 

[Widdiful Falling]

One time I was driving, and this powerful song came across the radio by a singer I'd never heard of before. After just a few of the words, I had to pull over and take it all in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlaoR5m4L80

I've always felt haunted by EF's flashing in and out, back and around, no matter what I'd try in an attempt to stop them. I'm sure there's a reason, as was said, and they're painful with a natural instinct to want them to stop. They don't, we wonder, but maybe it really can only be the mystery laid out in the song.

I have to say: What a song, sir! 

[hypervigilante]

For me- and you know, I don't quite know if this works for everyone.
::Possible trigger warning::

I treat my CPTSD as an illness.  To a "T" the scientific reasoning helps soothe me.  I approach depression the same way.  It's a sickness, and it's not your personality; it does not define you.  It just needs treatment. It has symptoms and they exist in real life.

When I have enough self-awareness to recognize myself in the midst of an EF, and no amount of logic or reason can allow me to backtrack my way through the EF and to some calm space... I eventually can remember--

"Oh yeah. Sometimes I need a doctor for this."

When I know that I can't fix what I'm feeling immediately, it softens.  It reminds me that I'm not in immediate danger and there are still things I can do to stop feeling this way for good.  You need to go to doctors when you're sick.  And being sick is not your fault.  These things happen, and that's okay. 

My most recent EF that was too bad to digest on my own allowed me to remember that I don't quite have all the answers yet.  And that's okay- I don't have to.  But there are still things I can do.  I followed up with a psychologist's number that I had been procrastinating over, taking action the following day.

The gloom still clings to me a bit while I'm lost in the middle somewhere, like the shadow of a frightened child hanging on my neck and resting in my arms.  But I know I'm taking her to see the doctor.  She doesn't need to go to the ER because what she has takes a long time to heal, and she wants the right doctor.  But I know there are still things I can do to help ease this condition and heal.

[Dutch Uncle]

I like that, Hypervigilante. 

[arpy1]

i realise reading this thread that i don't have a handle of EF's at all yet. 

i go between two states, either totally wired, constant EF, or else totally flat, probable disassociated.  i am in the latter phase at the moment. neither state feels good. when i am wired, i long to numb out. when i am numb, i wish something were happening.

but i don't know any skills, or rather i know the theory, but haven't managed the practice in my lived experience.

if, as has been said here, it is to do with the inner child trying to communicate in real time,  i really hope the ict i just embarked on will help.