Maybe There is An Upside to CPTSD...

[CPTSDChild]

Working on my recovery for CPSD. I have encountered a recently issue that really left me rattled.

We are all familiar with being profoundly influenced by behavior towards us by people who don't have our best interest at heart.

Recently met someone who presented as someone balanced, smart, open. I let down my guard, just a little bit, and wham. Next thing I know I've got a covert psyco on my hands trying to manipulate me and projecting their bad behavior on me. We have all encountered a similar situation before. But this time things were handled differently by me...

As soon as the manipulations started and the twisting of words and the attempt at trying to guilt me started, I tapped into the old familiar feeling of being a dependent, helpless kid again. I was determined not to let this continue. It was a real shocker to the predator as they did not expect me to become aware nor have the skills to walk away from the situation.

What really helped me in this new relationship was that I was no longer that helpless dependent child. I am now an adult. Capable of accessing the situation, and shutting the predator down. Yeah, my vulnerabilities were targeted, and yeah, everything was turned around and projected back onto me. It always hurts when that happens even though we know what's going on. I'd rather a predator show me their true colors early on so it can be delt with as soon as possible than doubt myself and allow the manipulations continue.

I stopped a predator dead in their tracks today. Am I shaking, upset, angry and shaking in my own skin right now? Heck yeah I am. But as unpleasant the feelings come into my awareness, I'd rather deal with some pain now and reclaim myself, rather than not listening to my gut and having the torture go on and on, eroding everything new I have learned, I'm sticking to my guns. I've stopped the continuation of being a victim. I've stood up for myself.

I'm not asking for you all to fix my feelings, only time and compassion for myself will heal me. But I really wanted to share this with you all. That we can stand up and say "no, the buck stops here", do what you want, say what you want, I will not budge from my convictions. This doesn't mean I won't have some strong, unpleasant emotions, it means that I've disengaged so I can start to heal.

I really wish that standing up for ourselves will bring immediate relief once we have recognized the problem and deal with it, it just doesn't work that way. We have to reclaim and love ourselves enough to go through a small amount of pain, instead of jumping back into the frying pan of emotional * and having our spirits torn apart once again.

I have worked too hard to let this happen again.

Could use some support, but ultimately, it's up to me to ask you all for the support that you can offer to me. I hanging on here, knowing that each second is one second closer to regaining my self-esteem, therefore allowing me to get on with the business of living and keeping that positive support around me.

I take solace in the knowledge that a predator came into my life, saw the goodness in me, thought they could exploit me and came away dead wrong. So I took action to let them know, I'm not the doormat I appear to be just because I showed my open and vulnerable side...knowing that I probably surprised the predator and oh would I have liked to have been a fly on that wall to watch his own undoing slam right into his own face.

Who's with me?

[woodsgnome]

Wow! Thank you for showing the way, CPTSDchild. And yes, I'm with you, as I'm sure we all are.

It takes so much fortitude to endure some of the slop people try to lay at the feet of someone they'd rather intimidate, humiliate, and shame with their false notions of superiority. As if we are so weak by virtue of having endured some awful circumstances that we fell victim to through no fault of our own.

I've been in that position, too. Run into someone who seems like they can be trusted, then they try and turn the tables on you, often starting with fake sympathy which quickly turns to blame. So often I just turn away, afraid of my own anger at having to explain and afraid of losing it entirely, which only reinforces their contempt. Then they try and explain your whole life for you, how you don't live in reality, should just get over it, etc. Yet you, CPTSDchild, found the strength to say enough is enough.

Trouble is, it's natural to want to reach out, to find understanding. Like you say, one's best healing comes from within, but it sure helps to have someone to support you, and not have to wonder if they'll turn on you just because you admit that, yeah, it's scary and it hurts, a lot. To show that it's not weakness to feel that way; just honest.

You summed it nicely by saying, "We have to reclaim and love ourselves enough to go through a small amount of pain, instead of jumping back into the frying pan of emotional * and having our spirits torn apart once again."

Thanks again. 

[AgandFe]

I have to agree, being aware of the warning signs of being used and abused definitely is an upside to CPTSD.  I had the same experience with a guy back a few years ago when I was trying to date. He came across like the greatest guy in the world ... but I recognized those little cracks. I think I shocked him when he tried to sucker me into feeling sorry for him and I called his bluff.

I have to admit, it felt good to stop that particular sort of monster in his tracks.

As for reaching out, it's hard to reach out. Some days I feel like all I attract are psychos for 'friends' and dates. I keep trying, though, when I can. I have a couple really, really, really good friends who I've known forever and I know I can trust. It was hard to find them, it's going to be hard to find trustworthy people in the future too, but I think they're worth sorting through the chaff for.

[arpy1]

CPTSDChild - WOW!!! wow, what can i say? i am gobsmacked and full of respect and esteem for what you managed to do.

support you? too right, and follow, hopefully, some of what you modelled there. it speaks right  into my deep fear of standing up for myself, so i can only guess what it cost to do it, and the triggers that it set off. but as i say, big respect, and i hope you are feeling, once the painful storm settles a bit, like you really achieved something great. 

"We have to reclaim and love ourselves enough to go through a small amount of pain, instead of jumping back into the frying pan of emotional * and having our spirits torn apart once again."

i love this, i might need to put this up somewhere. 

thanks for sharing, C-Child, loads of kudos and support 

[I like vanilla]

Wow! CPTSDChild! That was awesome!  Fantastic job! 

You made such good points about trusting our guts, and being will to face a (relatively) small amount of pain and discomfort in the short run in order to protect ourselves against predators who would cause us huge amounts of pain and discomfort in the long run.

I am with you.

Thank you too. By the synchronicity of the Universe, at my last appointment with my T I had a 'buck stops here', 'I am done with all of this BS' discussion. Thank you for posting this success story. It is empowering to decide to fully protect oneself, but somewhat scary too. I really appreciate that you posted your story for inspiration. I will draw from that good energy and the good tips when faced with predators in my life