Name Change for Hysperger

[Dutch Uncle]

Hysperger---> Dutch Uncle.
It suits my posting style better. Or equally as good. 

Too many EF's on my old nick, I realized today.

[Kizzie]

Hi Dutch Uncle - I moved your post here as it was in JDog's thread and will be seen here more easliy.

[Dutch Uncle]

Sorry about that.

I meant to put it in the "Checking in/out" section, not in anybody's specific thread there.

Thanks for correcting that.

[DaisyMae]

 Well, hello Dutch Uncle!

I will miss Hysperger but I totally understand and am happy to meet Dutch Uncle!  Just keep me laughing...love your sense of humor and it really is helpful for me.  Humor is what has gotten me this far in life and I love your sense of humor! DM

[Dutch Uncle]

Thanks so much DaisyMae! 

I think (and hope) (and trust) you'll find nothing missing. Certainly not the humor. Can't live without it. It's a dark/morbid/sarcastic sense of humor, and I think this is what we share, and what has made us pull through.


I just changed my hairdo. Not that much more to it.


Looking forward to seeing you around,
Dutch Uncle (The Poster Formerly Known As Hysperger.)



PS:
Speaking of humor: Yesterday, after posting my name change, I revisited this video from the British program QI (Quite Interesting) featuring the British comedian (among other talents) David Mitchell.
I love the guy, and he is some sort of inspiration to me. I identify with him (jealously).

Warning: it might be triggering. The title is "David Mitchell's angry logic". And at times, angry this man is. But funny as *, IMHO.

View at your own discretion.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6vLp07ZePY

[Dutch Uncle]

Why did I change my nick?

Because of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
View from the 58th minute for the next a minute or two.

I'm of Dutch descent (I'm a half-breed (I hope this isn't a punishable politically incorrect term: English is not my native language, nor is anglo-saxonism/americanism my native culture)) but I do know my genes, my upbringing, my cultural descent through 'Dutchism' (for lack of a better term) has gotten me into deep trouble before.

I do wish, and hope, my 'new' nick will aid in better understanding what I post, and where I'm coming from.
Being a "Dutch Uncle" is not something I do by choice (I think), but it is being me.


I found the reference to this video via another 'self-help' site, just this weekend, and I found the whole video tremendously inspirational.
And I realized that to the Anglo-Saxon world (which this forum predominantly is, as far as I can fathom) I must come across as being a Dutch Uncle. With all the negative connotation it caries in the English language.
I can only hope that for just a few of you(plural), my contributions will be taken as this great American Scientist/Professor/Engineer managed to take the comments of his 'Dutch Uncle'.

I did post in my original introduction post that I suspect that my mother is a uHPD and my dad an uAspergers. Hence the Hys(trionic) and the (As)perger.
This weekend I have found additional 'proof' (again: for lack of a better word) that my father is indeed an Aspergers. If you think 'Dutch Ucles' are blunt, boy you are in for a surprise when it comes to Aspergers: they literally (and I mean LITERALLY) hold no bars to expressing how they feel about you in the moment. They can't even tell what I've come to understand as being a "white lie".
None of the niceties the 'Dutch Uncle' told the Professor in the above-mentioned video.

If only my dad could be so compassionate as Andy van Dam...
He can't, and I'm only slowly starting to understand why.


Being caught between a Hystrionic ("Feelings creates Facts)") and an Aspergers ("Lets not get Facts get into the way of Feelings") is a poisonous cocktail for sure.
Would this create cPTSD? I guess so!


Here's to recovery and let my nickname-change be a step forward.


I cried typing this. Hurray! 

[woodsgnome]

I love the story of your nickname change, DU.

A key to all this heavy cptsd work seems to involve finding a safe comfort zone. And a name is not always "just a name".

My experience with a name change was huge in my attempts to find a safer route to recovery, or as I've since learned, the trail to aspects of recovery, as I know of few who just landed in some heaven called recovery. It's a process, too painful sometimes, of finding what works/doesn't in finding a way true to one's heart.

I fell into an acting gig at age 24 that facilitated adopting a new name. It stuck, for lots of reasons, but what really felt cool was, even if it was associated with an act, that not just the name, but the role it represented brought out my soul like I'd never experienced--for the first time, I felt like the real "me" was accessible--to me.

I adopted the name after the gig, actually, and no it wasn't like being shizophrenic. Several T's confirmed I didn't show an ounce of that, but that I had found some breathing room for the "real" me who'd always been stuck inside.

So congrats on your self-realization...you obviously needed the freedom to be yourself. In my experience it was huge--it didn't "solve" anything--the painful memories, EFs, all of that travels along and visits when I least want it, but...backing up to the name change, I also knew that yes, I could dare to find my self, the one I had to bury inside, partly with a name that represented hurt, shame, guilt, and grief I no longer needed.

Congratulations, Dutch Uncle     

[Dutch Uncle]

Thanks so much for your inspiring story, Woodsgnome.

And for the heads-up! 

[DaisyMae]

Hi Dutch Uncle!

I checked out the video....  He is hilarious, love his sarcasm. He is one of those guys that can make even the smallest of things funny! Didn't find him triggering at all.  I live in the U.S. and have never heard of this guy.  When I need a good laugh to distract myself and go to a happy place, I will have some new material to check out. He is an agnostic as well! I do have a dark, sarcastic sense of humor.  I loved Robin Williams, Bill Murray, John Belushi and Richard Pryor growing up.  I really like Seth Rogan, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, James Franco, Russell Brand, Jeff Dunham.  I also love stupid humor.  I grew up watching The 3 Stooges, Saturday Night Live (SNL), Benny Hill, and Monty Python...  Humor is what has and is still pulling me thru and definitely what we share.  I am also a nut for certain cartoons, and I am not sure what I would have done without the Simpsons growing up!  And B rated horror or sci fi flicks, the worse the better - like Sharknado 3! 

Oh, and actually I will have to check out more clips from QI as well... Isn't that the guy that hosted Top Gear (that got himself in so much trouble last year?  I loved to watch Top Gear as well, he was great on that show....

DM  

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi DaisyMae,

glad you liked the video, I thought you would. I suspect for other people David Mitchell's approach could be triggering though.

Jeremy Clarckson of Top Gear did feature in a few of the QI shows, indeed.
The presenter is Stephen Fry, a very talented man (actor, comedian, playwright among others). Astonishingly, he has struggled with periods of severe depression on which he has said some pretty profound things from the sufferer's point of view. I can't say I have read much specifics on this, but now and then I see some quotes by him that strike a chord with me. I do know he has been very open about his depressions at some point in his life, with the specific aim of public awareness/acceptance on/for depressed persons.

My guess is he uses humor the same way as we seem to share.

I loved Robin Williams, Bill Murray, John Belushi and Richard Pryor growing up.

Check, check, check and check 
Robin Williams made also beautiful movies on, how shall I call it... , the 'odd ones out' in society. Good Will Hunting, Awakenings, The Kingfisher etc. Such a pity this wonderful man has left us. But I'm grateful for his gifts. 

Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Russell Brand,

Checks! The Daily show is so awesome! It makes all the idiotic world-events so much better to stomach. It's a wonderful confirmation that there are so much more people out there who 'get it'. I used to be able to watch the streams on their site, but since a year or so they restricted views to the USA only  .

Benny Hill, and Monty Python...

It's a bit of an odd combination, isn't it? But the same goes for me, and I've come to know many people who are fond of both. I wonder what the common denominator is...

And B rated horror or sci fi flicks, the worse the better

LOL, yes 
I don't know what taste in music you have (if any  ), but Frank Zappa made an excellent song on his love for B-monster movies. It's aptly called "Cheepnis" (sic). Listening to that song cracks me up  .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J_m5Gum1rg from 32:55 onwards, with a nice introduction why he loves "monster movies, and the cheeper they are, the better they are". 

Cheers!

[DaisyMae]

It does seem that we share the same sense of humor.  And it is a little darker than most (and silly) than many can appreciate.

I love music, and my taste is very eclectic.  I do like Zappa for his sense of humor and story telling ability but have only listened to him a handful of times....  The Cheepnis song was great, and listening to it was a great way to end my day at work. 

Music, I like it all from Classical and Opera to Country to Rap to Pop to the heaviest metal head banging music out there.  Just depends on how I am feeling on a given day.  I grew up listening to the Bee Gees and Black Sabbath and everything in between.  I also love show tunes from Gershwin to Cole Porter.  To shut myself out from the world, I used to wear headphones that were plugged in to my stereo and listen to the radio all night to fall asleep and drown out the world.  It helped me to not think about the day's hellish events or to cry myself to sleep.  Music and TV taught me everything I know and protected me from everyone and everything else.  I think my love for silly sci fi actually came as a result of watching Dr. Who (my favorite was Tom Baker) on PBS here in the states as a kid.  I was able to fantasize about a different time, a different place and that I would be rescued some day.  It all taught me how to escape from reality to escape the hurt, the (physical) pain, and the worthlessness growing up.  I will put on a Robin Williams or Bill Murray movie late at night (or early morning) so I can just zone out, laugh and stop feeling anything (with the help of some Gin!) so I can finally go to sleep before starting the next workaholic day.....

Glad you are here Dutch Uncle... Your posts always help brighten my day!     

[Dutch Uncle]

Dear Dutch Uncle,

I feel very badly about the unfiltered statements lacking in any kind of love or compassion you endured for years. The great and inspiring reality is that you have channeled your energies into sweet, inclusive, engaging communication here. I confess, I too love your sarcasm and appreciation of irony.

Thanks so much for your reply, BeHea1thy 

It's very soothing for me.


And a thanks to DaisyMae as well, again.

[Kizzie]

And I realized that to the Anglo-Saxon world (which this forum predominantly is, as far as I can fathom) I must come across as being a Dutch Uncle. With all the negative connotation it caries in the English language.
I can only hope that for just a few of you(plural), my contributions will be taken as this great American Scientist/Professor/Engineer managed to take the comments of his 'Dutch Uncle'.

Judging by the feedback you have received DU, I would have to say that you may have tamed your Dutch Uncle more than you think, perhaps because you understand better than others that a little softening, humour and caring goes a long way, especially with those who have CPTSD.   

"A Dutch uncle is an informal term for a person who issues frank, harsh, or severe comments and criticism to educate, encourage, or admonish someone."

Speaking for myself, I have had quite enough of being "encouraged" and "educated" by people who really were in the business of being abusive.   I was recently at a doctor's appointment where someone in the next room was having some cortisone shots. She sounded very nervous and literally howled when the first shot was given. The doctor told her to "Suck it up Buttercup, you have to go through this if you want to relieve the pain."  Frank, harsh,  severe "truth" that probably means she will not go to a doctor when needs help again.

[Brick]

Hello Dutch Uncle!

Thank you for sharing the story of your name, and it's evolution I love how our sense of identity is something to discover. This thread has really touched me. For most of this life, I've assumed 'identity' to be something one adopts and grows into. (Like a child playing dress-up, or a teenager mimicking peers). Consequently, for most of this life, I've assumed identities while suppressing the true self.

And thank you, woodsgnome, for sharing! Especially this:

I fell into an acting gig at age 24 that facilitated adopting a new name. It stuck, for lots of reasons, but what really felt cool was, even if it was associated with an act, that not just the name, but the role it represented brought out my soul like I'd never experienced--for the first time, I felt like the real "me" was accessible--to me.

I am most known by a performer name, as well The persona shows me at my best, when I'm summoning all I have for a performance. This has liberated my authentic self to believe in me. Like when Harry Potter casts his successful "Patronus Spell" (because he's already done it).

Others generally see me when I'm at a practiced and concentrated best, striving and vulnerable. The performance really gets good when the perfectionism gives way to a few curve balls, and stays on course, regardless. Difficulty is later, when one learns I freeze, and won't answer the phone because of the soul-crushing criticism I'm certain is on the other end. Misunderstandings, missed opportunities, anguish, and a vortex of shame.

So very, very, very, very, very hard to get out of my own way.

Thank you for bringing this up. I didn't know I had so much to say when I started typing...

[woodsgnome]

Brick, I noted the way you spoke in reflecting on something I also experience...you said:

"Difficulty is later, when one learns I freeze, and won't answer the phone because of the soul-crushing criticism I'm certain is on the other end. Misunderstandings...", and you added..."So very, very, very, very, very hard to get out of my own way."

Yep, usually I'm right back in the shell feeling that I couldn't have been liked, that they didn't get it, they don't know I'm really no good, even if the performance allowed me to access the soul inside, for a change. I'll even question people who insist it was great by quizzing them that "surely there was something wrong?" It slips out so easily--like please knock me down so I know I'm all here. Highly frustrating. I'm so sick of giving my self pep talk: "some day I'll be alright; it'll get better, down the road"...which always seems longer than when I started. And so I drift along, in my pocket of shame.