Newbie

[Shamrock]

HI - I'm here just wanting to learn more and am tired for feeling guilt ridden and emotionally crippled at times. In January, the very day my sweet 12 year old rabbit died, I divorced my husband of 27 years who I married at the age of 19. I feel he can be verbally and spiritually manipulative. I need to be able to see clearly. I doubt myself all the time. It's exhausting. My adult son chooses not to speak with me for over a year now. He took pride in the fact his parents were still married. He lived with us at the time I decided to separate and witnessed my husband crying in front of him as well as passing on misinformation about me.My heart hurts and sometimes I feel like giving up. I choose to carry on. I have a wonderful, loving and supportive adult daughter, who as much as I can, keep her from the issues that haunt me. I do not want to burden her, though I have shared some things because she can be a light when guilt and sadness overtake me. Thanks for reading.

[KayFly]

Hi Shamrock 

I'm sorry you are coming from such a place of pain. I'm sorry about your bunny rabbit Its so hard to loose an animal because they just are unconditional love. They don't want to hurt you. They just love you and want to be loved. I had a dog when I was younger, and I had really abusive parents, so my dog was kind of the only compassion, or source of empathy I could turn to. I still cry thinking of her loss.

I am glad you followed your heart and your intuition, when you felt like your husband was being manipulative, but I understand the aftermath can be really hard. Especially, when the doubt. I got out of a really abusive relationship to someone who I was engaged to, and I wasn't together with him for very long, but he was also very "spiritually manipulative"...like he acted like he was some kind of guru, but he was really like a psychopath. But even after being really violated by this man, I questioned my decision of leaving him, doubted myself and almost went back. I'm glad I didn't now. And I do see that situation quite clearly as some time has passed.

I'm glad your daughter is there for you, and you can reach out to her to find some support. Are you in therapy?

I am sorry your son is not.  My parent's divorced when I was 15 (honestly I wanted them to, so I didn't have to deal with both of them at one time).  It sounds like your son must be acting out of a place of hurt. I have a friend right now who won't talk to me and its driving me crazy, but I am just trying to give him his space and see if he comes around when he is ready Its hard though, when you love someone so much.

I totally get not being able to see clearly. Its so frustrating  You are not alone here. Many of us are trying to find clarity here and there is lots of empathy and wisdom on this site in my experience. I hope that you can find some support, and I wish you well in your journey. It sounds like you have been through a lot and could really use some of this weight lifted off you.

Best

K

[arpy1]

Right with you, Shamrock. very similar situation to yours, now four years ago.

you've had to be very courageous and against a clever manipulator it is very very hard. no wonder you're tired out. what can i say, i feel with you. hang in there, you're not alone. clarity does come, in bits and pieces, and gradually even believing in oneself more, even if it's slow.

i thought i had lost my daughter when i left my husband, she was so angry at me, tho my son was supportive. in time, though, my daughter and i were able to communicate again, and she could understand why i had to leave her daddy. (it was through her being in a similar kind of relationship and asking me for help). now our relationship is restored, so don't lose hope, it can happen.