Ne Memeber possible triggers

[Rightsideup]

Hi I am 40, just started treatment for this in January. SO far a LOT of self discovery, especially about my relationship with my parents. There was physical abuse in the house, til I was about 7 or 8. I know this caused feelings of insecurity, and a lack of safety. Along with it, my feelings and emotions weren't properly mirrored, etc.. In the past when I have tried to talk about my hurts, fears, anxiety, and insecurities I feel I have scared people away. I feel vulnerable at the moment, but have been learning to say no, and to eliminate non supportive people in my life.

I have this trigger that occurs when I date someone. I automatically believe they are going to leave or cheat on me. My self esteem and confidence is at an all time low, and that mean inner critic seems relentless some days. I am hoping to find support here, with compassion and empathy. Hope everyone is having a good day!

[mourningdove]

Hi Rightsideup and welcome!

I have the same dating problems and have also experienced the feeling that people have been scared away when I talked about by inner experience. It's all so painful and I'm sorry that you also go through that. I'm glad that you have been learning to say no and to stay away from people who aren't supportive. I hope you are having a good day, too, and that you can find some measure of comfort here. 

[Indigochild]

Hi Rightsideup

Welcome to the forum, and i have to say that i am deeply sorry for what you have been through.
I am so glad that you have started treatment.
It sounds like you are on the right side up, even if you have not finished your journey. The right side at least is a place not many people even get to.
It sounds like you are awakening.

May trigger--------

How awful that people could not handle your insecurities and fears for whatever reason.
I think here, we do understand, more than the average person would.
You mention you parents not mirroring you. Sometimes we choose partners who also do not see us, as their is familiarity sub contiously when they resemble our parents.

Cptsd - the trauma is around intimacy, so its not surprising that you would scare when you date someone and assume the worst.
Trust gets damaged being a child and having people be so untrustworthy, and unsafe towards you.
To protect yourself, anxiety kicks in, so does your defences, as the mind thinks *oh my god! its happening again! unasafe! Allert, Allert!!*
Its a reminder of the traumas suffered.

Hopefully, soon you can see weather this anxiety is warranted. Maybe its trying to tell you something, but for now, I'm glad your here.  (i can relate a lot to your story)   



Hi I am 40, just started treatment for this in January. SO far a LOT of self discovery, especially about my relationship with my parents. There was physical abuse in the house, til I was about 7 or 8. I know this caused feelings of insecurity, and a lack of safety. Along with it, my feelings and emotions weren't properly mirrored, etc.. In the past when I have tried to talk about my hurts, fears, anxiety, and insecurities I feel I have scared people away. I feel vulnerable at the moment, but have been learning to say no, and to eliminate non supportive people in my life.