NEW TO FORUM AND HOPING FOR SOME ADVICE ON CPTSD FROM NARCASSISTIC PARTNER

[elizmorris2000]

Hi there, I have been in a relationship with a strongly narcissistic male for 8 years, who is very verbally abusive and angry. I have started occasionally fainting now during arguments or when he starts yelling in an exaggerated fashion at me when not justified ( its never justified!!). I feel the adrenaline go through my body & then collapse. I dont actually lose conciousness but lose all power in my body & just fall to the ground. The worst happened about 18 mths ago and I had what seemed to be an epilectic fit, I was semi concious but had no control over the movements which were like a fit & i kept repeating myself. It is the strongest feeling of exasperation, the adrenaline goes through my body, I feel it go to my head then I just slump to the fall/fall over/off my chair. That time I did go to hospital and explained to them what had happened and a bit about our relationship and they have said I was close to a nervous breakdown. From what I have read it seems like a form of CPTSD. Can anyone shed any light?
I am planning to leave him but we have just moved from Italy back to my home- Australia and have only been here for 18 mths so I dont want to have any custody issues- I need to make sure my daughter is completely settled before I do.

[VeryFoggy]

Welcome Elizmorris2000, and nobody here can diagnose you?  We are all suffering from various forms of CPTSD ourselves, and all we can do is encourage you to TRUST your feelings, and if you do not feel safe with this man?  Then there is a reason for it.

Do you have a therapist?  If not can you get one?   They are trained for years.  We are not.  All we know is what we feel, just like you do.

If you are to the point that your physical caregivers at a hospital trained to offer physical relief from physical injuries believes you are at the point of having nervous breakdown?  I would take it seriously.

Trust yourself.  Trust your feelings.

I cannot say more not knowing your situation but it sounds like you are doing the right things.  Ensuring your daughter's safety, and then taking steps to protect yourself.  If you don't protect yourself, who will take care of your daughter?

You  know something is wrong, you are doing the right thing.  Wishing you much trust in yourself! 

[Boatsetsailrose]

Eliz Morris

Thank u for sharing

Relationships - my biggest struggle but am much more stable at this point in time and getting to know myself and have some more esteem

Sounds like u are making firm plans for a better life

It's never easy leaving someone ( and in my experience no matter how dysfunctional the relationship - we make attachment and that is hard for us anyway and then we find out need to leave

I am learning to take better care of myself, develop a life outside of having a partner and feeling into what is really acceptable and not - it's a good place to be

Anger in relationship has been a theme for me and sometimes it's me being angry - lacking the skills to communicate and provide give and take
Learning that love isn't anger and what love actually is

Blessings for your new journey
I have found this forum really helpful and a safe space 😊🌸

[Trees]

Hi Elizmorris!  I am so glad you found our site.  I was very touched by your explanation of the extreme situation you are dealing with in your life right now.

VeryFoggy was so wonderfully clear in explaining to you that  none  of us on this site are therapists.  We cannot diagnose anyone.  We cannot advise anyone in any way. 

This is a site for people who believe they have complex ptsd and are seeking to create a place for people like us to support each other with compassion and with whatever information we have come across that might be relevant to dealing with the condition.

As VeryFoggy says, "All we know is what we feel, just like you do."

What we have to offer you is our support, our empathy.  Though I myself am not a parent, I feel enormous sympathy for your situation, and I wish you the best on this difficult journey.  There are others on this site with experience similar to yours who might want to share that experience with you. 

Sending hugs and the hope that you will stay in touch so we can keep supporting you to trust yourself.   

[DaisyMae]

Hi Elizmorris

Welcome and glad you found us as well.  Can't give you any advice or a diagnosis.  But, I can share that I have experienced similar experiences with my husband of 23 years (almost 24).  Over the last few years, we have had some really rough times.  He has always had a temper and verbally / emotionally abusive.  But a couple of years ago, I was near a nervous breakdown and suffered similar symptoms.  A couple of times, I was trapped in a vehicle with him when he had an episode.  The events were traumatic and it would overwhelm my ability to disassociate.  So I would start shaking violently and it would feel like convulsions. I felt like I was going to pass out, but I always stayed awake but went limp.  Please seek therapy and assistance to protect your daughter and yourself.  I did take steps from the advice of my therapist to be prepared with an emergency bag in my trunk and a hidden key to get in my car so I could escape if necessary.  I do not have children so the only person I had to worry about was me.  Please be safe and we are always here to over support and empathy.  Take Care.

DaisyMae

[Lifecrafting]

Hi Elizmorris,

I am new to OOTS myself. I have to get ready for work right now but wanted to let you know that I too am in a similar relationship. I am struggling to stay on top of debilitating confusion, fear and exhaustion.

I'm glad I found OOTS. I am reading Pete Walker's book Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving; it's been very helpful  to me the past couple of days.

I'm finding that reaching out and being willing to be "reachable" myself is soothing to me.
I hope you keep coming back!

[KayFly]

Hello ELIZMORRIS,

Its crazy how psychological stress can actually manifest into our bodies and make us sick.  I'm sorry you are fainting, that must be really scary.

I'm really glad you have identified that you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't have the capability to be doing right for you.  It sounds like you know exactly what to do.  And once you do it, its one of the most empowering feelings you will ever have.

I was engaged to a man who raped me when I was 19.  Leaving him to take care of myself felt so effin good.  Its HARD to get out of long term abusive relationships. I was molested by my mother and father, and had to estrange myself from my entire birth family, and even though they hurt me, the grievance is still there, because its all I knew.  Its really hard to let go, but once you do, and you start to face the pain that has been inflicted upon you, it opens up doors to happiness and health.

I've been seeing therapists for years, sliding scale, women's shelters, I always found a way to go to therapy. Now I do EMDR Therapy to process all the trauma.  If you have access, you can get more validation from your situation, and the help you need.

My mother was a narcissist.  I know how painful and invalidating that type can be. I am so sorry you are living with that, but I have so much confidence in you finding a path to health. You know exactly what to do.  You sound really smart. Take care. Deep breaths.