All dating relationships have epic failed *Possible Triggers*

[Unconcious_Ghost]

I don't know what or will not trigger people on here, I will try to explain my experiences without being overtly descriptive.
Over the course of my life, which started with 17 years of sustained child abuse/neglect and all the inherent trust/abandonment issues, I was inspired to not become a statistic, let alone repeat the behaviors.
My two estranged siblings (divorce does wonder for family cohesion) who I no longer associate with...won't have kids.  I won't either.  My Dad's 3rd wife, her son won't have them either.  That is the product of child abuse, not wanting to fall into the traps which our parents did. Which is expensive, nasty, destructive divorces, child custody fights, child abuse investigative services, etc. I've watched 90% of marriages fail, and many being divorced w/kids several times which further fractures all involved.  I cannot imagine being permanently 'tied' to someone else if the relationship fails.  You're gambling with LIVES that bring bad karma onto those who don't deserve an abusive, domestic violence inheritance.
So, 'Under our relationships with others' in my opinion encompasses EVERYONE we communicate with on this planet. My trust values are really guarded with people.  I tell them only what I want them to know, and deflect any personal questions.  I only trust about 3 people, only they know what I 'really' endure...all the truly dark material.  Not surprisingly, I haven't been pinned down yet by marriage, my career comes first and most men want kids.  Therefore, they can keep on trucking.  I am not housewife, stay at home and mind kids/family material.  Being career driven and highly independent has its huge rewards, but typical society wants to develop permanent roots & attachments.
-Having to adhere to someone's else's family and vice/versa is just ridiculous to me.  I cannot stomach the concept of kowtowing to step parents, friends, siblings, co-workers, etc with the marriage trap.  I worked extremely hard to survive insane situations and a nasty childhood upbringing; its not going to then get supplanted by being absorbed into another family and their baggage cart of issues and interpersonal politics.  I just don't have the patience or the interest.  I'd never take somebody's last name or legally distort my identity to assimilate/submit to outworn traditions. 
Overall, this admission of mine shows different reasons and motivations to avoid getting sucked into the same old family traps.  Having escaped 17 years of domestic violence makes me extremely wary of being challenged by others in a similar way; and I react badly to what I perceive as control (aggressive, passive-aggressive) tactics on a family level...jealousy, manipulation, lies, back stabbing, subversive, sneaky, superficial, weak willed, and down right mean.
As for dating relationships, 3 times engaged, 3 times failed.  1 guy cheated, other 2 (and their families) wanted grand-kids. I told both their parents '* no' and that I'm not their baby machine to manipulate.  Dated others, but none lasted long.  I abhor getting involved with their relatives, friends and such.  -The judging 'evaluation' game doesn't sit well with me!

[Rain]

Thankks for sharing, Ghost.

I hear the anger, frustration, and your resolve.   Marriage, family, the web of it all appears to be a "war zone" for you.  It seems reflective of what you went through in your first 17 years, and why would you want to go there again.  The "not having kids" seems to be key.

You've done the career, and it has been fulfilling.   I imagine the disaster team was a community for you, maybe even a bit of a family for you.   The career, if I understand correctly, is now done, and here you are.   No career family, no childhood famly (FOO), and no present day family, and you are in pain.  The Storm of pain, CPTSD, coming up in you.

Am I in the ballpark of understanding where you are at?

[Unconcious_Ghost]

Thanks for the reply.
As for done with the career, far from it.  For disaster response, some times you roll out on teams, other times you are solo. To put in perspective, there are hundreds of thousands like me, some do national, some do international.  It is indeed my family, I trust them over anyone.  In it for life!

[globetrotter]

Much of what you said resonates with me, Ghost.

I put off marriage until I was 34, and even then I think I knew it was wrong but more a result of societal expectations. We fought all the time, but after living together for 6 years, it seemed like the thing to do. If I had known then what I know now....

I chose not to have kids using the excuse that I wanted to be free to travel. Honestly, I couldn't imagine the responsibility. I've never felt the desire to have kids, as my mother repeatedly used me as the excuse to not leave my father. And I can be pretty selfish. I can say I've never, ever regretted that decision and love my freedom. I had my tubes tied in my mid-20s, quite unusual, and the surgical tech asked me when I was on the table if I was "sure", "Honey, you are so young." I just wanted to get off the pill. Then I met my ex husband who very much wanted kids, and I said NO, NOPE, NO. Wanted me to reverse the surgery. That should have been the first red flag. His father told me how much he wanted a grandson. I said, "How bout a puppy?" LOL. That didn't fly very well.

There is nothing wrong at all with your mindset as long as you are happy. A core of really good friends is better than any 'family' you can be born or marry in to. I am very grateful for them.

[Unconcious_Ghost]

GT, thanks for the reply.
It's not a point of putting off marriage for me, I just abhor falling into the same ol/same ol statistical trap which happens to 99.9% of everyone I know.  I listen to friends and family about their expensive divorces, massive losses ('she got the house'), and if they had kids...then the custody fights, visitations, etc. 
A former fiancée's Dad & Mom were particularly nasty about the fact I REFUSED to be their grandkid baby making machine to own and boss around.  Their son (former fiancée) didn't want kids at ALL and didn't like his parents, but wouldn't stand up to them either, which left me to literally 'square off' with his bully Dad who tried to physically corner me in a kitchen.  I was scared he was going to attack and I threatened to call 911. He backed off a few feet. I called his son and told what was happening.  He freaked and came straight home to deal with his bully father.  -Which naturally made me the scapegoat, thusly ending the entire relationship many years ago.
I don't like being pushed around by selfish people.  And family dynamics are typically selfish in essence.  You get dragged 'home' (I typically felt like a stray or a shelter animal being introduced to family by ('look what I brought home!') their son.  Then everyone finds out REAL FAST I am NOT conventional, controllable, status quo material, or submissive.  I am an adult and not a kid to be bossed around or told/inferred to follow a new set of parents, siblings and relatives.
Another fiancée's mom was REALLY MAD that I was NOT going to be the new grandkid baby making machine.  She set out to ruin my relationship with her son with lies and subversive gossip.  Ironically, she cheated on her husband which led to being shamed by her church congregation.  My relationship didn't last with him because he cheated as well.  Ironically, he got married to a real drama queen who then carried on a very public affair which destroyed their marriage.  And surprise, surprise...they had kids.  I watched from afar as that entire family dynamic self destructed and thanked my lucky stars I was smart enough to dodge it all!