My dog loves me

[kmber501]

Hi,

I definitely have C-PTSD although not an 'official' diagnosis.  I have completely isolated myself and know that I need to connect with others so I am looking for a place I can 'belong'.

History: adult daughter of a malignant narcissistic personality disordered mother who had at minimum post partum depression after I was born (she only admitted to that possibility on her deathbed but there was nothing near to anything called closure for me or expression of regret or love from her).

So I have had a lot of counseling.  I did the best I could to forged a life for myself and limit my exposure to mother and the family (she controlled the whole family in a horrible web of inter-conflict and mistrust and false accusations etc)  Enough said.  I only survived.  I wish I could say that I thrived.  I thought upon her death I would feel free of the constant turmoil and conflict swirling in the 'family'.

I did expect there would be a 'zinger' from her upon her death so I can't say I was not 'prepared' but how really can one prepare for someone who takes delight in hurting another person.

Going to her deathbed is what brought on the full blown PTSD like symptoms I am currently experiencing.  Not like I did not have 'issues' much earlier in my life, ANXIETY, panic attacks, basically another batch with any minor contact with the mother and even my siblings - they were perfect imitators of their role model.  I have been in counseling on and off most of my adult life.  It does help.  And it will help again.

One remaining issue I struggle with is trusting anyone.  Currently I can't sleep because of the dreams...reliving rejection and physical and mental abuse. 

I have two German Shepherd Dogs who love me unconditionally.  My best and only friends are my dogs.

Enough said. 

Thanks for listening. 

[Cuthberta]

Hi, good to meet you. We have much in common, except I don't have dogs; we have a cat.

I commend your efforts to reach out and find friends. 

[migrator]

Hi kmber501,

We can love ourselves the way our pets love us. If you treat yourself with as much kindness and compassion as you give your dogs you will get better.

I have the same coping mechanism, but with cats instead of dogs. It is difficult to trust the human species since members of our own clan caused us so much pain.

Wishing you the best as you learn to reconnect with other humans.

[Lifecrafting]

Kmber501,

Hi and Welcome

I'm really missing the presence of 4 paws in my life right now - renter - no pets...
I can imagine that those two dogs of yours are great comfort at times; I know mine was - he was a shepherd chow mix and wow. Loving and loyal.... couldn't ask for more.

Here's to you for reaching out and sharing. Hope to see you back soon!

[Trees]

I have two German Shepherd Dogs who love me unconditionally.  My best and only friends are my dogs.

Me, too!  My best and only friends are my beagle and my schnauzer-ish mutt.  They are such great companions.

I am another person who was completely isolated and came to this site looking for a place to belong.  And I am so glad you are here!  There are lots of us here with major trust issues and major problems with nightmares and getting any sleep at all.  Like the rest of us, you belong here.  And like the rest of us, you deserve peace and safety and respect and support and love.

Big hugs