A Small Act of Kindness Goes a Long Way

[KayFly]

Today I went for a long hike. I started out early and was hoping to beat the crowd, but I showed up at the mountain, and it was quite busy.  I guess I just wanted time to think. I think that may be an excuse I have been using for awhile to avoid people. Connecting.

First thing I saw a faun. She made me feel safe.

I got to the peak of the mountain and I was taking a picture of myself to send to my boyfriend, and this man came up to me, and said "Let me take a picture for you" and I was like "Oh really? Thank you" and explained to him my boyfriend was out of the country so it means a lot that i could get a could picture.  He told me that I was beautiful and that he hoped my partner had a great trip.

What a kind thing to say.

And all the way up the mountain, I didn't want contact with anyone.  Just the smallest thing left me smiling for some time. I'm smiling now.

But as I was heading back on the trail, there were 3 men taking a picture of themselves. I was ready to keep walking.  But I thought "Maybe I should pay it forward?" But I was too embarrassed to go back, and reassured myself I don't owe anyone anything. And I didn't take that opportunity (and I am way too hard on myself), but the smallest things we do for people that are kind, can make the biggest impact.

I think it just felt good to connect and have a positive interaction. I want more of that.

Thanks for reading

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[Jdog]

Kayfly-

What a wonderful report of a lovely journey!  Yes, sometimes just having a positive connection with a stranger can make a big difference in a person's outlook.  Thanks for sharing, and here's to many more beautiful hikes and serendipitous encounters with wildlife and humans!

[KayFly]

Thanks Jdog I'm glad you can appreciate that 

[fairyslipper]

Beautiful, uplifting post. Thank you for this and the pictures too. Wishing you many more of these chance encounters. Loved that it made you smile for the rest of your day. 

[KayFly]

Thanks Fairyslipper  Same to you!

[woodsgnome]

Southbound, good to see you here again .

I've had similar experiences; I've always felt out-of-sorts about relating to people, and then something dramatic happened to make me, well, at least realize that maybe I'm mistaken to think I'm unworthy, and/or that no one cares.

The best counter-example of my fears/suspicions happened 3 years ago, when a couple who were once employees but mostly friends of mine heard my vehicle had "bit the dust" and gave me, no strings attached (and free), their 2nd car. "You...are...loved" was what they insisted was the sole reason. They knew that it was very hard for me to take that in, and their gift was their way of reinforcing it. They both died shortly after, but their gift reminds me every day of what has been a hard acceptance curve for me.

Like you, mine has been a long process of shedding the isolationist stance of "who, me?" and then something like that happens. It's a process of building the trust that relationships can be safe, and can even spring from that hard-to-grasp unconditional love.

Thanks, Southbound, and KayFly, for your reminders that maybe it's not all gloom, that maybe we really can connect, even when it seems so out of reach and that there was, indeed, a connection, and it was from the heart.

[arpy1]

thank you for this thread, it's uplifting and reassuring.

there are a couple of people who have done kind, generous stuff for me like that and it is weird how painful it can be at the same time as being wonderful. (like when i first went on the sick last year and some friends paid my rent for me, no strings attached. and they aren't well off either) it meant so much, both practically (obviously) and in my heart as i was in a really bad place at the time.

i spose it challenges that self-protective part that has decided no-one is to be trusted ever again; someone does something like that n i feel loved unconditionally and i can't work out why. (i am always trying to work out where's the catch!)

it is hard to accept, to just say, 'thank you, that really means a lot ' as unconditionally as the gift that was given.

i am a way still from being able to begin what you, Woodsgnome, describe as the 'process of building the trust that relationships can be safe...' but here i am reminded that it might be possible in the future.

funny too how so many of us feel like we aren't worthy. yet for me, i read all the stuff you guys write and receive so much from the wisdom-learnt-thru-pain and the empathy and kindness, and i am totally convinced of your worth. 

[woodsgnome]

Quoting Southbound:

"I know it's me, avoiding other people and assuming no one wants to be with me. How to get over that? I must have been doing it forever..."

For some, this would be an invitation to all those poor cliches that start with "just get over it." To them, the "how" is easy, well-intended but meaningless to those of us trying so long to emerge from this pit called cptsd. Many times I think I've turned the "I'm not worthy" spigot off, but find the pressure too hard to turn the knob all the way over. It can't be forced, and certainly never right away.

I'm always so sad/angry/hopeless that we had to be wary of our surroundings so much that we couldn't even take in the reactions of people who really DID care. As if the original abusers didn't take enough already, to have to stamp that little extra into our innocence.

I can resolve to see better when people express good things about me in future, but that's never held for long, before the pattern of "I don't deserve" kicks right back on.

I don't know the sure way to get to the self-acceptance part, and maybe I'll never make it all the way even. Maybe the real comfort is just knowing there are rewards...like what you've been hearing all of a sudden. And those positive echoes you heard from more than one person. I hope you take it all in, Southbound--their sincere expressions didn't happen in a vacuum.