Hello, new member

[cinders008]

Hi, usual story I'm afraid. Just coming to the realization that I am the scapegoat child of a mother with narcissistic personality disorder and beginning to understand that I have been emotionally and psychologically abused all my life (Wow thats hard to admit to). The main problem I have is that next year I will be 60 years old. 60 years old and I have had 60 years of this. I cant help but feel that its too late for me to recover and have a normal life. I so want to find a partner and feel safe and settled and even to have more friends in my life. (I cant even have people in my house at the moment). Is it too late for me at my age?

[Dutch Uncle]

Hello and welcome, cinders008 

No, it is definitely not too late at 60! I'm 50 myself, and know the feeling of: "Good Grief... Only NOW I discover all this?  "

What has helped me is a Chinese proverb (or so I'm told):
The best moment to plant a tree was twenty years ago.
The second best moment is now.

Stick around and plant your seed.

[arpy1]

Cinders008 Welcome to the home of the late developers!

no, it can't possibly be too late, not till the day you turn up your toes. i am 58 and i only just started. i love D/U's quote. that is perfect! you are at the perfect age for you at this moment.
( i have to confess, aside from all the cptsd stuff, i feel more comfortable in my 58 year old skin than i ever have. the only things i don't like are that everything goes south a few yards or drops off, but hey, can't have it all. who'd be young again???)

Yeah, the realisation that you have been psychologically abused all your life is a tough one, isn't it? i have a problem with it too, all the thoughts of 'can't believe i was so stupid, can't believe they were so cruel, can't believe etc etc...' it takes all the courage i can drag up to get on with it. and some days, well. you know.

hope you find a place here, safe to rant and to rejoice, along with people who actually get what you are talking about. 

[migrator]

Cinders, greetings from another student of life just about to turn 60.

There is a Chinese belief that a person's life starts over at 60, so just think of this as a time of rebirth. You will get to regrow yourself as you heal from the scars of a lifetime of abuse.

Working towards being more social is something many of us struggle with, me included. It took me months just to begin posting on this forum. So we fellow sufferers understand about this part of your journey.

Best wishes for your future!

[woodsgnome]

Hold on, counting up...okay, my latest finger count comes to 60-something. Which is good, as I'm not sure if I really feel 13, 26, 41, 55, or 87 yet. Wonder if I should pick another before I change my mind?

Umm, I must look like a poor model for recovery, eh? So maybe if I adjust the rocker (uh-oh; don't have one, already blowing the stereotype).

I recall when I was a youngin' of 44 or so, and I was sure I'd wrapped up my long process of recovery from an abysmal childhood, and some adult crud besides (lots, actually). My way of wrapping up involved a visit to a T for some vague idea of where I might go next with my journey. btw, I'd never actually visited a T before; I've had 8 since (if I counted right).

So I filled out the paperwork, and was all set for the ride up the elevator, past recovery to the penthouse suite. I'd put in so much time already, mostly on my own too--old self-reliant me. After years of self-help and personal improvement books, seminars, workshops, intensives, all of that--the elevator crashed as the T read what I'd checked off and written, and...

"Do you know what PTSD is?" Well, yeah, surely she's not suggesting that...? She probed, I answered, years of denial and self-hate and shame and every hidden fear--all still rattling around; it all crashed as I cried at the realization that I'd only been hiding behind loads of grief and agony; the elevator had hit the ground so hard it created a crater.

"But, but, ...I've done so much work; read so much that I understand now... ", I told the T...I'm too old for this stuff, no?" She told me she'd worked with people as old as 87 who'd never cleared the skids, either...age doesn't seem to matter. The if/when/what of feelings don't run chronologically, although that's society's message.

Since then, the only difference is perhaps I now see that the important part of all this isn't going to be a defined end point in Recovery Heaven. The old movie scenes of "my" life are all still in reruns, the new resembles the old, some days are better than others, and, and, and...

All of which is my poor attempt to lay out one old tart's journey, and how age doesn't matter. But what do I know? I'm just 60ish, or 33, or 51?, or....?

[Lifecrafting]

cinders008, it's never too late to take care of you... Never.

I just celebrated 56 and I am relatively new to this forum as well. Welcome.

[arpy1]

Umm, I must look like a poor model for recovery, eh?

omg... please, don't kill my dream, WsG!!! - you are one of my mega role models on this site...  becos you are wise and you have insight that helps me. and well, maybe yes you have been working on it a tiny bit longer than me........

seriously, i am in earnest.  (not about the age thing. i don't even know your age and i wouldn't be rude about it, i promise )...

[LadyFinn]

Hi Cinders .. I am 57 and I often feel it is too late. But my mother is nearly 87 . Am I going to be happy for possibly 30 years like this . The answer is NO. We can do better, feel better, think better .. I have to believe that . I only recently discovered she is a narcissist or somewhere on that spectrum... I am only at the beginning of "change". We can do better than this .... both of us .

[Shattered]

Hi Cinders....I turned 60 this year, really bad timing in the midst of the worst crisis of my life, and so in addition to dealing with the first ever onset of severe cptsd symptoms, I've got the grief/loss/can't get that lost time back stuff pounding me.  But I keep reminding myself that it's NEVER too late, that every day is a new opportunity, that anything is possible.  It's my life and I'm free.  I work hard to get myself to believe that, and it doesn't always work, but every sliver of that message that gets through brings a glimmer of hope and relief.

"Let go of how you thought your life should be, and embrace the life that is trying to work it's way into your consciousness."