A list of things I want to discuss with my T

[Widdiful Falling]

I always forget to talk to my T about things during my visit, and then smack myself upside the head afterwards. I could write it down in a notebook, but I get my best ideas for topics when I'm talking to my friends. So feel free to add your own list of things you'd like to speak to a T about, or comment on mine. Thanks for helping out! 

My List

Why it feels as though there is a battle going on inside of me, between two opposing forces, one trying to drag me down into the mires of depression, and the other that can actually look at the world without cringing, and find the beauty in it.

Family roles

Guilt because of conditioning (Every time I mess up, I punish myself. I'm like a house elf. ) ((Poor Dobby ))

The outlook on life of the average person my age

What inhibits me from being friendly when I'm not smashed (I made friends with an entire bar this weekend. Apparently. They all know my name, but I don't remember much... )

[Dutch Uncle]

Making lists for such occasions is awesome, and has helped me a lot over the years.

At times I take a pen and a small pocket-notebook with me (or just a few sheets of paper) when I go out. For a walk, a visit to the museum, an evening with a friend I trust etc.
Or I ask the barman if they have a piece of paper, when a friend says something awesome, or I get an awesome thought. "Ho stop, I'm going to note that down. Hold that thought!" I say.

*, I even have times that I hear myself speak and, more or less at the same time, think: "What? Did I just say that? Wow. This has never occurred to me before!"

And yeah, taking notes with you for a meeting with a T has been helpful too. I might not be able to address them all, but that's OK.
It's also been helpful for me to write down what I DON'T want to bring up at that particular time, even though it might be clogging my mind at the moment, but when there are other things that are clogging my mind as well that I give priority at the moment.

Yay for taking notes and carefully, attentively working through it. 

[Dyess]

If I don't make a list we will get to talking about other things and I totally forget to discuss the other issues. For me, leaving a session leaves me with a lot of questions also. After I leave I start thinking about what we talked about and that's where a lot of questions come from. Most of the time I'm so busy trying to stay grounded in a session I don't remember to bring them up unless they are written down and in front of me. My point is making a list is good, just don't forget the list.

[BigGreenSee123]

Why it feels as though there is a battle going on inside of me, between two opposing forces, one trying to drag me down into the mires of depression, and the other that can actually look at the world without cringing, and find the beauty in it.

...

What inhibits me from being friendly when I'm not smashed (I made friends with an entire bar this weekend. Apparently. They all know my name, but I don't remember much... )

...It sounds like some things from your list would definitely fit on my list.

For a long time in therapy I found that brining in my writing was very helpful. For me, it wasn't so much lists but bits from journal entries and such. I found it a good way to bridge the gap between my T and I as, before then, I had often just talked about unimportant things (if I was even talking at all). While I am working more these days on bringing up what I really want/need to talk about sans writing, I think it's a great strategy.

[no_more_fear]

In one of my sessions I brought in a list of things I wanted to go through with my T and she said that the list was good, but she'd prefer me to stay in the present. That was kind of infuriating because I suffered a highjaking of my amygdala when I was there, so I wasn't able to remember a lot of the issues I wanted to cover. Of course, I couldn't tell her that! Because I was so preoccupied with seeming to be perfect I never brought a list in again because it wasn't what she wanted. I really would have needed to for my benefit, though.

When I saw the first thing you mentioned about two sides waring within you I was like yes, yes, yes! That is one of my key problems. My FOO said I was bad and would end up just like them, but I've come to learn that we all have two sides within us and the dark side only wins if we listen to it and thereby give it power.

Whoa, it's really great to be back here and talking with people who get this. 

Your reference to Dobby made me laugh  . I wouldn't trust myself that it wasn't working with my T and was sending myself absolutely crazy about why it was me. I really gave myself a hard time...just like Dobby would have. As a side note, I recently read all the Harry Potter books and whoa did they take my mind off things. I seriously miss Harry!

And having to be smashed in order to not be inhibited, yep that has always been my thing too. Now I take nicotine losenges to help with that,

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that if bringing a list to your sessions is what works, do it. It can really help.

[arpy1]

i am a bit confused, nmg, as to why your T felt taking a list in with you would stop you staying in the present???

becos, call me stupid, but isn't that the entire reason you brought it in? so you cld stay focussed on what you need to talk about, in the here and now?

i know what you mean tho, if T says it's not good, then it feels impossible to have confidence in your own opinion.

i am starting to see that one of the reasons it is so problematic having T's is that we don't know how to stand up for ourselves. in fact one of the main reasons we need their help is becos we don't know how to stand up for ourselves.  but that very fact makes us extraordinarily vulnerable to a therapist's personality, especially if they are confident that they know best.

[Dutch Uncle]

A friend of mine, well experienced in the field of going to T's, has reminded me time and again: "You are in charge there, Uncle".
As has been noted here, that's difficult for us to do. It's difficult for anybody to do when visiting a T, no matter what your condition is you're in.
It's true nonetheless I think.

Another thought I'd like to put in about 'staying in the present':
I have a youTube video bookmarked by Sam Harris, a neuroscientist, called "death and the present moment".
He's part of what is called (I believe) the "new Atheist" movement in the US, so be warned  .
But why I bring this up, here and now (pun intended) is that he made a remark in that talk (for the Atheist Foundation of Australia Inc), that really has stuck with me: "A memory is a thought arising in the present".

For me, personally, this has made a profound impact, as it's no longer 'wrong' to be aware that yes, it's a memory, but it's here, as well, in the now.

My signature referring to Desmond Tutu, reflects that notion.
And as far as I'm aware, Desmond Tutu (an Anglican Bishop, in case it needs to be pointed out) said that when he was Chairman of the South-African 'Reconciliation Commission' (or whatever it's official title was) to get all of the horrors of Apartheid (the only Dutch word to have gained global recognition/use) in full view, both victims and perpetrators, from either side, to get some 'healing done'.

A memory is indeed a thought arising in the present.
Why not accept it as such, to the fullest.