Self discovery - Your role in your FOO

Started by Dutch Uncle, September 09, 2015, 12:42:07 PM

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joyful

I was/am the lost child. No doubt in my mind. I never asked for anything, never needed anything. Just wanted to be alone. Being invisible was safe. Asking for things was dangerous. (I still struggle with that!)
Although...now that I think about it, I wonder if at times (when none of my siblings could measure up to dad's standard of golden-child-ness) I was the golden child because I was so low maintenance.
This opened my eyes a lot more than I was expecting...

silentrhino

I know I was the caretaker, I didn't always want to be, but it allowed me to attempt to make some sense out of the insanity around me by controlling things such as caring for my narcissistic sick parents, my narcissistic sick brother and cleaning, doing bills and making health care decisions before I was even a legal adult. My parents relied on me never to get sick myself or get hurt (hard to do when you're being beaten) and if I did it was too bad.  I could just die as long as I was not caring for them.  They used to tell me to die. I am still a caretaker to this day but realizing how very tired of it I am. If I had died as a teen I feel no one would have missed me.

MidnightOwl

I feel like I was put into different roles depending on the need of the FOO. The most predominant is caretaker and mascot. But scapegoat was a common one as well.

tea-the-artist

#33
I actually feel like i am all six. and just kind of took on each role as i grew up.

i think i'm most dominantly the caretaker combined with the invisible child (i feel for me that goes hand in hand with me being fawn-freeze). then quickly became the problem child in middle school as that's when i got in trouble for a lot of "rebelliousness"  but mostly petty things.

definitely the mascot which Ive been calling The Entertainer role almost in a way of trying to not be the golden child which was easy if you have parents who are ableist to their son with a speech impediment. and of course invisible i very much kept to myself if i wasnt performing other roles, and wanted to have as few needs as possible and become self sufficient by the time i was 10. all problems whether bullying or school or complicated emotions stayed with me until recently.

i wonder still at what point i'll be able to fulfill all these roles for myself and not everyone else.

clarity

This was really helpful and at the same time a lot to take in as had never considered before that I have been most of these bar the clown.  My narc sister claimed that role and FOO loved to point out my seriousness and gloomy countenance whenever they could.  Yet my sense of humour is one of my best assets...  :cheer: 

Had puzzled over the last few years.. which am I??  of course, doh- now it makes sense. I was whatever they needed me to be the most at that time!   :woohoo:  yay for a little more clarity!! 


Gromit

The Scapegoat, the Black Sheep, that was the first role I read about, it made so much sense. I was always the one to ask questions, point out inconsistencies

Even now people notice that I ask questions, whether it is the Q no one dared ask, or the one no one wants to answer. But, if I dared, I would do it more.

I also put the Invisible Child, because I could disappear for hours with a book, a daydream. I seem to be invisible to some people, they just do not see me, or hear me. I am adept at blending into the background, mainly to escape the attention of anyone, whether it is positive or negative attention, I cannot cope with attention, and yet, sometimes I crave attention, to get my plight noticed, to get my Q answered. For someone to validate me, instead of just telling me I am difficult, or make them uncomfortable.