Expanding My Conciousness

[KayFly]

I have noticed lately, that while I still struggle with my inner critic, acting impulsively, and acting out of my emotional states at times, I have made a tremendous amount of progress in the past year.

I got into a tiff with my partner the other night, and normally in an argument, I would loose control of my emotions and my thinking would become catastrophic, like I were going to ruin my relationship, I had no one, and i would become homeless, and none of my dreams come true.

But this time, I spoke my truth calmly and civilly. Took accountability and didn't lash out. My T and other people around me who love me are noticing my progress as well.

Also my inclination to expand my consciousness has grown immensely in a short amount of time. I feel like it started with wanting to learn as much about my condition as possible, but then it branched off. Like my brain is a muscle, and I have been working it out a lot.

I learned 3 years of intensive German in high school, but then stopped practicing and lost all my vocabulary, but now I am learning German again, and I'm so motivated to do it. Like i love practicing it! And it's not a requirement or a class I am taking. I just want to learn.

I guess I always used to stay in the zone of what I knew, but now I just want to keep expanding.

I'm thrilled. I feel like I have been feeling so crazy and going through so much for so long, but finally, all the progress is shining through...

Leading me to make decisions like, "Don't be mad at this person. Love this person. Because the things about this person that you are frustrated by, aren't about you. It's about them." (that has to do with a close friend of mine who is in a bad place)

I just feel like I have a beautiful gift and am a blessed person in life, and my love for myself is shining through, and to others as well. I feel good about myself. I have so much gratitude. And while I am busy as * right now, I wish you all well.

[Dutch Uncle]

What great news!

         

[woodsgnome]

Curiosity, self-awareness, fortitude in distress, and perseverance. Self-awareness personified. 

Good for you; kudos  for all that hard work, and enjoy the prospect of more discoveries as you move into a vista of possibilities. 

[arpy1]

i am so pleased for you Kayfly. thank you for sharing that, it gives me hope for my journey too.

und ich bin froh, dass du dein Deutsch wieder aufgenommen hast! Yay Kayfly!!!

[KayFly]

Ahahaha! you guys are great!

Danke shoen Arpy1! Ich kann spreche eine bisschen Deutch und Sie Sprect Deutch also!! Ja!!!

Thank you for being happy for me, all of you. It means a lot to see people want me to grow, learn and be happy.

Things come in waves, and I still go through my hard times, but I have this eagerness to learn I never had before and I just love it. I'm so glad I could share a little happiness and hope. 

to everyone

[Rainydaze]

It was so lovely to read that, KayFly. It goes to show how much you can achieve when you persevere!  Continuing to learn German is a very positive thing also and I think it helps to focus your brain on something like that.