Recovery is NOT perfection.

[Indigochild]

Watching this video, i realised that I'm putting pressure on myself to not do negative coping mechanisms.
One, for good reason as it damages health.
But i have been feeling guilty, for good reason, but maybe i should stop trying to be perfect now that I'm finally in therapy.
Its getting a little tough, and while its not ok to not treat yourself well, i need to stop beating myself up for utilising these unhealthy coping mechanisms because i dont have the tools as yet in order to deal better.

This may be helpful for anyone one here, weather you have an eating disorder or not (i binge, but no typical eating disorder)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIiagjxdBPc

[arpy1]

because i dont have the tools as yet in order to deal better.

Yes itis really tough, isn't it?

that video was so helpful to me becos i feel just like what she describes, - one day i am all EFs and the next i am calm and the next i feel like excrement and the next i feel maybe i am ok enough to go out, and the next... u get the picture.

and i am encouraged becos i do what she suggests, the best i can. and it's not perfect. and i slip into my bad coping mechanisms quite a lot, but i also Don't, quite a lot. it's not perfect but it's as good as i can get it at the moment.   it helps me to know that that's ok. i am doing my best.

one thing i do try and do, is like, say for instance i have a drink to numb out? i know i shouldn't, but i do it. then the temptation to have six more comes. becos i already blew it so what the hey? that's when i try to call a halt. ok so i 'needed' that drink. but i find if i don't beat myself up over it, the need to go overboard lessens. does that make sense? it's like trying to be 'moderate' in my use of maladaptive strategies. i blew it but it don't have to keep on blowing it.  i t just helps me not to hate myself too badly. 

thanks for sharing that link, Indigo, it helped. 

[Widdiful Falling]

Thanks for the reminder. I needed that. Splitting like that is really easy to fall into.

Sometimes, even when I have tools available to cope, I fall into old habits, because I don't have enough practice using my skills. Or, I won't have the tools to use the tools effectively. There's something to be said for maladaptive coping processes. They're really easy to use, short-term.

[Indigochild]

Widdiful Falling

Im glad it was a helpful reminder.

Or, I won't have the tools to use the tools effectively. There's something to be said for maladaptive coping processes.

I never thought of it like that before. We need to be motivated to put the healthy coping skills into place.
Thanks for that.

Indigo

[MaryAnn]

Thank you Indigo, this video was helpful for me as well  .  I can relate to Arpy1, alcohol is my weakness and recovery has not been perfect.  I fall back into this bad habit very easily.  I have one or two to calm the anxiety and to numb myself.  Then, I stop myself from drinking more because I know I shouldn't.  It does the same for me. I don't beat myself up as much, almost give myself a pat on the back for stopping.  I know that I shouldn't drink at all but for the time being it is progress.

MaryAnn 

[Indigochild]

MaryAnne

Well done to you for trying to recover the alcoholism.
It is so good that you stop yourself, i can imagine that being very difficult.
I have started smoking recently to deal with flashbacks, and I'm getting addicted to the high that i get from smoking, only its unhealthy, and the more you smoke, the more you dont get the high.
I am very afraid of this and know i need to stop now before i get properly addicted.
When i think of it like this: I was stopped feeling emotions as a child, therefore i disassociated, i crave that high, that numbness sometimes - therefore smoking helps with that and calms my anxiety. My parents did this to me, therefore i crave that numb sort of high. Not numbness, just the high i want.
Hopefully that and other things will help me to stop. Its not fair that I'm damaging my body, same to you, because of past abuse.

You are absolutely right:
I don't beat myself up as much, almost give myself a pat on the back for stopping.  I know that I shouldn't drink at all but for the time being it is progress.

It is progress, and just by writing that, you have helped me to see more clearly in terms of my own behaviour.
Best of luck to you on your journey.

MaryAnn 

[tired]

The thing I would beat myself up about, and rightly so, would be to keep doing the same dysfunctional thing over and over again which is a type of giving up.  If I try one thing, and it doesn't work, then I try another, even if the second thing turns out to be just another addictive thing, at least I can say I took some action. I did not give up.