=(^o_._o^)= I am Chairman Meow.

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chairmanmeow

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=(^o_._o^)= I am Chairman Meow.
« on: September 12, 2015, 11:48:10 PM »
So a few years ago things got bad, like last straw homeless in Chicago in the middle of winter after a horrible chain of events. Never could keep it together I kept falling apart, all I knew I was Ill equipped to live how everyone else managed, I kept crumbling, no support from anyone, never getting paid enough to live, and everytime I fell it was face first because I am a man. So after that I had to do a lot of research and work, I floundered along for so long... and now here I am 31 realizing my nerves have been shot out since at least 2nd grade. And all the words I ever had was I cant I just cant after a certain point. And society is pretty merciless so I struggled, I still am, but I have awareness and that has made all the difference.   
Im over this blindsided phase, and will not submit to this quasi clinical victim mentality.. At times anxiety disorders have more in common with diabetes then psychological disorders, true understanding and what it means is beyond anyone not suffering with one... and pills just mute emotions needed to be processed to repair damage.. its barbaric. C-PTSD seems to no be recognized officially I have too many firends that get labeled GAD and they call it a day, or PTSD.. so my even being here is hard earned knowledge...
So yeah here I am...

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Trees

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Re: =(^o_._o^)= I am Chairman Meow.
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2015, 01:47:40 AM »
Welcome chairmanmeow.  How wonderful that you are even alive at all after being "last straw homeless in Chicago in the middle of winter" !!  How wonderful that you found this site!

Gosh, the vividness of your words has reminded me of my own past stuff, rather powerfully.  Plus, I am moved by your having survived such a crashing hard fall in life.  "Hard earned knowledge," yes!

When you are ready, I hope you will share more with us, in your own inimitable way.

Big hugs!    :hug:    :hug:    :hug:

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arpy1

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Re: =(^o_._o^)= I am Chairman Meow.
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2015, 10:54:49 AM »
i'm constantly blown away by the sheer courage of people in the face of this thing and it's terrible legacies.  you are yet another example, Ch.Meow.  welcome and Respect to you.  :hug: :hug:

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woodsgnome

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Re: =(^o_._o^)= I am Chairman Meow.
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2015, 04:58:29 PM »
Congrats  :thumbup: :applause: on picking up the pieces and looking for a new way. If you look around here, you might even find some insights you hadn't known about and/or can add some of your own.

I hope you can continue to build on the inner strength you've shown. I wasn't in the best mood today, and then I found these words of yours which lifted my fog:

 "society is pretty merciless so I struggled, I still am, but I have awareness and that has made all the difference."

May you further the walk towards inner peace and remain aware of your needs as you journey out of the dark times. You deserve that!  :sunny: 
« Last Edit: September 13, 2015, 05:00:48 PM by woodsgnome »

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KayFly

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Re: =(^o_._o^)= I am Chairman Meow.
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2015, 05:10:51 PM »
Hi Chairman Meow,

Sounds like it's been a tough road. I relate to some of your story. I was homeless in Eugene, OR in the middle of winter at one point. It was so effing cold and I kept getting sick and couldn't get better.

I love that after all you have persevered through, you refuse to dramatize or take the victim mentality. I am with you. I am no longer a victim, but a survivor of all I have been through.

So glad you are here. I am sure you will have much to contribute and I hope you find help and healing here as well.

Re: =(^o_._o^)= I am Chairman Meow.
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2015, 10:38:22 PM »
Welcome.

At times anxiety disorders have more in common with diabetes then psychological disorders, true understanding and what it means is beyond anyone not suffering with one... and pills just mute emotions needed to be processed to repair damage.. its barbaric.

This really resonates with me.  I was misdiagnosed for years as having depression and bipolar disorder and was told I had to take this pill, that pill, a higher dosage of a zillion different pills if I wanted to get better.  And the pills just made me feel worse and the psychiatrist just kept tut-tutting and insisting we just had to keep trying to find the magic formula of pills to take to make everything all better.  And no one wanted to just talk to me about what I'd been through so that I can re-process it a healthier way.  In some ways, it's like being re-vicitimized all over again in a way and I felt like a failure at getting better because I couldn't make all the pills work for me.   

I look forward to seeing what other insights you have to share.

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basically0kkim

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Re: =(^o_._o^)= I am Chairman Meow.
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2015, 02:36:54 AM »
First, let me say amen, thanks for sharing, and welcome. While my story may be different, the view from where I sit certainly looks the same. I have "functioned" for so long (17 years) with what is now hesitantly referred to as C-PTSD, that my functioner broke and now everyone is shocked I'm ill. No, really ill. And diagnosis/treatment is proving far from helpful when I don't know who is really looking out for my interests in the fact that I have my substance abuse in long-term remission and I'd love to keep it that way. Grateful you found us and hope you find the peace I do in having a safe haven in which to express my cares and relate to those of others. Peace.