How do you deal with people that constantly interrupt you......any tips?

[fairyslipper]

Something that has become more and more obvious to me is how when we are having conversation, some of my family members literally cut me off 3 words into a sentence when I am trying to talk to them. My husband is especially bad about it. We are both super stressed lately because of some things that are going on that are out of our control so we have been chatting quite a bit. I find when I start sharing my ideas or opinions I barely get a few words out and he assumes he knows what I am going to say..........attempts to finish the sentence for me and is off and running on many times, things that have no bearing on the subject at hand. I don't want to be mean about it, but it is driving me nuts. I try to talk to him about it and sometimes he is ok and then other times like today he gets angry and says I interrupt him. I have started to recently only to get the conversation back to the original subject. Because we are talking a lot about figures and finances his interrupting me can cause me to completely lose my train of thought. I think it is so rude, and am thinking from now on I will just completely stop talking when he does it and get up and leave the room. I have been talked over so much in my life and made to feel invisible so this is just a tricky subject for me. Sometimes, not often, I can see him making the effort to TRY to let me finish saying what I need to......... Lately I have noticed him interrupting others really frequently also. I am just looking for a kind but assertive way to change me.........so he doesn't think it is ok to keep on doing it. Thank you. 

[fairyslipper]

Love these ideas! Thank you. 

[Dutch Uncle]

I am thinking from now on I will just completely stop talking when he does it and get up and leave the room.

Good idea, and I think it's worthwhile to try this at least. See what happens. And give it a few tries. Sometimes breaking the established 'routine', even in a supposed 'rude' way, can open the gates of change.
It won't resolve much the first two or three times (not in the least since also you will need to improvise the first few times on his reaction, and on your own reaction to suddenly finding yourself 'away' from it all), but who knows what it might bring.

I have another idea ... a bit aggressive, but I think this situation calls for it. When he interrupts you, grab a pen and paper, block out what he's saying, and write what you want to say. Then hold the piece of paper up in front of his face. Repeat as often as necessary.

THAT is an awesome idea! Though it will take a lot of strength and self-control to pull it off.
But I like it very much: because you will not be 'shut up', you will still speak your mind, only on paper. You will not have been 'silenced', metaphorically speaking.

It does remind me a bit of a phone-conversation I once had with my dad (about a year ago) where he ranted and ranted on. It was hilarious if it hadn't been so sad, confusing and pathetic. He ranted on almost continuously for half an hour, and I couldn't get a word in. Well, if I had gotten a few words in, he would simply take off again for 10 minutes or so. At least 50 subjects/events passed. In the end, I just started talking, saying my thing, right through his diatribe. It really became a battle who would first stop talking.
I made sure it was me. And when he did stop, I finally had his ear, and could say the few things that were really about the subject at hand.
I did went LC with him then, but for the better in our case. Things have changed, also with him.

In the immediate aftermath of that event I reflected on it with a dear friend, and she suggested that a next time I could consider just saying "Please stop ranting now" and if he didn't, I could just hang up. Which I still consider doing if such an event might happen again. So yeah, fairyslipper, I think walking out/distancing yourself could be a good tool too.

[chairmanmeow]

If its a high stress situation for you guys he could be having his own racing thoughts, people are afflicted by much that never enters their awareness. I dont talk a lot hardly ever because most people simply are not listening or consumed by their own mental noise. Familys are the worst the assumptions on who you are and the liberty of presumptions of what you "should" be doing family members tend to claim a right to even though they would never take such a stance with a stranger. Some battles I find not worth pushing to be heard because I am shouting at deaf ears. I find its better to just listen carfully, people will tell you all sorts of things about their real motivations and fears if you pay close attention, then when i speak I address those concerns directly to their hearts, in turn they feel heard and become much more receptive to what I have to say now that all that commotion has quieted down in their inner dialogue. Tho often people are difficult bores and I will just walk away and not wast my energy on such a person, or challenge their own reasoning in a way just to knock them off balance to get a word in cause I can be mean like that...

[fairyslipper]

It is funny because I REALLY let him know how much it was bothering me this past weekend. We have been chatting since, in the evenings after work and I can tell he is really trying with this.........so much so, that until tonight there had not been even one single episode. When it happened tonight, he caught himself and apologized at least...........later I remembered when we were going through a tough time several years ago we jokingly had the "talking stone." The person that was speaking got to hold the stone until they were done and then hand it to the other. It seems this interrupting thing with him definitely shows up when we are going through something very stressful. So the stone is going to be part of our conversations again!  DU I love the idea of just saying........Please stop ranting now........that is perfect!!!! These are all such great ideas. Southbound, I really like the one about writing it on the card too and holding it up. I think tuning him out would be easy for me in that situation also. chair, that is kind of what he has said, so I have been cutting him some slack............unfortunately it was getting so bad  that I could barely speak when we were having these conversations. I gave him too much slack  I think your last statement was a very reasonable response to this type of person. I feel much differently toward acquaintances etc, that act like that or even other family members at this point in my life. I think what you suggested by just walking away is excellent! 

[Widdiful Falling]

I have a roommate like this. He interrupts constantly, and always thinks he knows what you're going to say. A lot of times, he does know, and so it saves time, but when that doesn't happen, it gets... messy. Put three martial artists in a house together, and the fights can get interesting, to say the least. 

The only way I've found to deal with it without resorting to distraction by minor acts of violence is to let him talk himself out. Once he's calmed down attention can usually be called to the problem, and he can fix it himself. Unfortunately, he tends to conveniently forget that conversation once the next argument comes around. 

I really like the idea of the talking stone. Very peaceful sounding. Maybe that'll get my roomie to remember that he's not omniscient.

[Dutch Uncle]

Great news fairyslipper that things have already made a turn for the better. Well done  .
Kudos to hubby as well, it seems.
Keep up the good work, 

[fairyslipper]

Thank you  We were talking again this evening............using the stone once again.......so far so good 

[arpy1]

Briliiant move, fs, i love the talking stone idea.  we used to use a cushion - same thing, whoever has the cushion has the 'floor' and no one can interrupt till they've said their piece. to get the cushion, you had to raise ur hand, and wait your turn.

i used it in family conferences (stopped the kids rowing), youth groups, even pta meetings down the school. teaches everyone to listen and respect. stops it degenerating into a free for all or an argument.

i got to say i respect how you have handled this one, fs. u are a wise woman.

[fairyslipper]

Thank you  I love the cushion idea too. The softness of the cushion could just add to the whole experience I think.
I hate to admit but tonight while we were talking it was ME that interrupted him twice. I apologized and all was well. These little moderator helpers can work wonders for creating much healthier conversation.

Thank you  You are too. 

[Rainydaze]

I get this a lot - very frustrating! I'm introverted so I like to think before I open my mouth, whereas other people seem to be able to flit from one conversation to the next. When I do eventually come up with something I want to say and I try to say it I'm often talked over. I think a lot of people have realised that they have to interrupt in order to get their point across when speaking with strong personalities, but that's just not the way I work.

Would be nice to have a polite system of conversation where you go round in a circle and everyone gets a turn. I fear this might be a bit unrealistic though.  Good for you for working it out fairyslipper. 

[arpy1]

The talkers are oblivious to body language. I often think you could have a heart attack in front of them and be several minutes dead before they noticed.

  !!   i had a friend like that!!     

and i was married to a monosyllable type who'd never look at me when i was saying something.  and often go weeks without saying much at all! 

think i need to acquire some better people choosing skills?!!!

[spemat]

I have ADHD and what helps with me is to just tell me there is something I would go to the store for or to play or go for a run.   Without meds, I babble, a shut up works because I know it is annoying.  If I am manic, it won't.  Mania sucks the energy out fast.